To wonder if middle class families are ever referred to ss?

[malificent7]

It always seem to be the poor who are referred but middle class naice families can be abusive too.
My family was middle class but my mum had severe mental health issues which affected her parenting (a lot). I gave a few friends who had wealthy parents but were treated very badly.. aibu to wonder if wealth covers up bad situations?

I have a friend who finds it very difficult to drive around certain "well to do" areas of West Sussex as she has been in position to know what goes on behind closed doors.

Obviously impoverished MC, which SW probably hate even more because they have ideas above their station. IME.

It might have changed, but I doubt it.

My mother is a violent abusive alcoholic. She's also well off, personable when sober and everyone thinks I'm completely mad for being angry with her. I went to SS and the NSPCC who did precisely nothing.

After my last suicide attempt I was lucky and got referred to a fabulous clinical psychologist and had therapy for several years. However, I was told that I had only got that because I am articulate, intelligent and well spoken. So, it's not just SS who make the distinction.

I think another interesting question would be: "Do middle class people have a different experiance with social services?"

Someone has already talked about middle class parents of disabled kids being more likely to have a social worker because they advocated for that support. Other people have talked about middle class parents getting the benefit of the doubt on safeguarding issues.

It does happen. I once x-rayed a child for NAI whose parents were doctors.

I think that some of the problems that lead to people struggling aren't present in middle class people's lives. I don't think I was ever a SS referral case, but when we lived in damp, cramped temporary housing with a micromanaging warden who let himself into people's flats, I was a worse parent than I am now. I would leave DCs alone so I could have a sobbing fit in a different room instead of playing with them, struggled to leave the flat as it was on the third floor with no lift and neither of the DCs could manage the stairs. Poverty is soul crushing.

My partner used to be a lawyer doing publicly funded children's care cases - ones where there had been local authority involvement.

A lot of the time parents had problems looking after their children sufficiently well because of learning difficulties and addiction. Some addicts can fund their habits with a professional income - but often dependence is linked to poverty. And learning difficulties make it harder to get and keep well-paid work.

I think when that he was involved with more affluent families it tended to be as a result of bitter disputes about contact and residence - the kind which feature on these boards regularly - where the parents' intense continuing animosity - was affecting the children's mental well-being and development.

Interestingly on Mumsnet it is usually stated that it is the terrible behaviour of the non-resident parent which has devastated and destroyed the child irreparably. The view which the professionals my husband worked with held was that children were relatively resilient and just wanted their parents not to keep on arguing after they had split up. It was often the the intense continuing bitterness of one or both of the parents - often the parent with residence - their determination to use the children as weapons in an ongoing battle that caused lasting difficulties.

But perhaps I'm stirring it a bit to mention this....

I think people give professional/middle class people automatic advantages and make assumptions.
The McCann family is a classic example
I think Ss would have taken a dim view on leaving kids alone of that age if they had been out of work.
I know a family which is solidly middle class who neglect their children and live in squalor despite a very good income.
They have ss involvement but the health visitor did nothing despite the house being a health hazard

My family would be called middle class and we were referred to social services a couple of years ago. Luckily it was resolved quickly.

Il say I'm classed as middle class I was in a profession roll before my mental health went to shit and I'm well-ish spoken.

The only real involvement I've had with SS was when an ex-p reported myself and my husband for physical abuse of our daughter. Obviously complete bullshit backed up by nursery, health visitor and GP etc.

I think the SW came out twice.

Oh god yes! DH used to work in residential children's home in affluent area, lots of kids, lots of abuse and addiction issues much the same as less well off areas.

We had a SW who visited for most of my early childhood. DM was professional with well respected career and good education. DF was high ranking army officer.

Early childhood was because of DM's MH issues. My father was frequently away as his job was military. DM was not a safe person to be in charge of small children but she had a lot of support from HV, MH workers, family members, friends etc. I've never asked her but looking back I think the SW co-ordinated all the support. I remember at times she came weekly. DM wasn't abusive but she was neglectful in that she could barely take care of herself at times. She also, unwittingly, put us in dangerous situations.

Later, as a teenager when my parents had seperated and I and siblings were living with DF I remember a particularly cold winter where there was a lot of ice on the drive. In four days my DF took all three teenage children and his GF to A&E after we slipped on the ice and broke leg, arm, rib and one concussion. SS & police called round the next day. Hospital had referred us. Obviously, all just accidents but it does happen that MC families are referred!

There was a poster here a few years ago, who shared her story. She was a

Dr with a little girl. She was an alcoholic and had been referred to SS,

eventually her little girl was adopted.

She had a blog (can't do the link think), incredibly sad, if I remember

correctly, by the time of the adoption finalising she had been sober and back

at work for a while all came too late.

It was a wrenching read. I often think about her and her dd ( my dd is the

same age). She had come to some acceptance that she wasn't being a

good parent, I just thought it was tragic that she'd turned her life around,

but not in time. Her love and regret was massive

Maybe someone else remembers that particular thread and poster?

I would say that I interact differently with more educated parents because they tend to have a greater grasp of the theory and concepts behind our interventions. If you can direct a parent towards some research on attachment or you can reference complex theories in your assessment it can be helpful. I always explain the theoretical grounding behind our concerns but try to pitch it to the level that the parent will understand. That's not always about education either - many parents may have very little education but can be fiercely intelligent; it's just harder for them to access the theory because they haven't the experience of reading and analysing academic work.

I was thinkking about this the other day in speaking to a friend whose wife (divorce) reported him to the police (a made up thing he thinks her lawyer put her up to) and we were saying we just keep right away from police and SS within our class band. I have always tried to have the least contact with "the authorities" as possible as they have so much power.

I hope however that any investigations are fair to all kinds of people at all social classes. I know someone who was sent to boarding school at 7 as neither parent on divorce wanted him. I don't think he was neglected but the school probably saved him in terms of friends, care etc. I think his parents used to fight not to have him at holidays. So may be middle class people deal with issues differently. I do feel our local police treat us up here (very big houses etc) particularly nicely if they ever call about neighbourhood watch etc and that is very good of them but they should be as respectful and deferential to everyone. There is nothing special about me just because of the way I speak and what I earn etc. They did once call and my youngest were home alone as their big brother was en route home and I had had to go to a work thing. Amazingly all the police lady said was next time if home alone don't open the door if it rings! no SS report and now the youngest are 18 hopefully I am safe.

(I am middle class. I have left children (lawfully) in the room whilst going to eat at a centre on holiday abroad. The McCanns did nothing wrong. I don't accept criticism of them or me for that matter.)

the McCanns did nothing wrong
They left three tiny children alone.
God no wonder social services are busy if this is ok now.

It's very common and lawful - they just went down to eat. I don't think it's any different from eating at home 2 flights down in the house in the evening. That is the view of English law too.

Thankfully as my children are 18 now no one can take them away and yes they survived to age 18 unscathed and very independent - lucky them.

What rubbish
It's not very common. Most people are decent parents

They weren't in their own house were they?

Have a look at the NSPCC
Am genuinely shocked

Do middle class people really think it is alright to leave young children alone in a strange hotel too and then eat in a nearby restaurant?

I thinks it's shocking

And no I don't
Get a bloody babysitter

Of course mc parents don't think what the mcanns did was ok.

Only neglectful parents do.

I imagine well off parents deal with things differently - if you don't like your children much you have options so you don't have to spend time with them, and if home is chaotic you could get a cleaner etc. My own experience is that when someone referred my solicitor mother to SS for hitting me, she was friends with the local social workers so she got a quiet warning rather than full involvement.