To wonder if middle class families are ever referred to ss?

[malificent7]

It always seem to be the poor who are referred but middle class naice families can be abusive too.
My family was middle class but my mum had severe mental health issues which affected her parenting (a lot). I gave a few friends who had wealthy parents but were treated very badly.. aibu to wonder if wealth covers up bad situations?

I have every sympathy for the McCann family but they were in the wrong in my opinion to leave such young children alone. I remember being shocked at the time that they thought this was ok.

I grew up in a middle-class family and I wish to God there had been intervention from somebody who could have done something. I know teachers at school were concerned, but it was a different era in terms of safeguarding.

I visibly self-harmed in my teens because my father and mother were beating me up.

There was a toxic mixture of physical violence, emotional abuse and neglect.

He was a university lecturer.

I had clean clothes, grew up in a clean house and there were three meals a day.

Apparently tiger thinks it's fine.

(I am middle class. I have left children (lawfully) in the room whilst going to eat at a centre on holiday abroad. The McCanns did nothing wrong. I don't accept criticism of them or me for that matter.)

They were not in the same building and the door was unlocked meaning that anyone could get in (and perhaps more likely ) the children could get out. No way was that ok as the children were all under 4!

As a rule the more wealth a family has, the less likely they are to indulge in activities that require the attention of social services.

-Not being able to feed or clothe a child? Money solves that.
-Wanting a night out without the kids? Have money, get a childminder. Don't have money, leave them home alone.
-Rubbish school in your area? Money means you can move to a better area, or send them to a fee-paying school.
-Kids are bored? Money buys them videogames, takes them on holidays, instead of seeing them roaming the streets making their own "entertainment".
-Money usually means someone is earning it, which provides a different kind of role model when compared to a family where nobody works.
Etc.

It also stems from the differences in a parent's attitude. A middle class person is more likely to come from a stable background, more likely to have had parents who had a job, more likely to have been able to stay in education, more likely to own their own home. The probability is that they will have a better ability to raise a child to a minimum required standard than someone who relies on benefits, relies on a house from the council, comes from a broken home and doesn't work because that would affect their benefits.

There are obviously plenty of bad parents at the higher end of the wealth scale, and plenty of great parents who are on the poverty line. It's all about attitude. But on average, having money - having always had money - means a middle class person is able to raise a child more easily than the poorest.

I'm not saying a class of person is better or worse. Social Services only get involved if a situation is drastically wrong. Having adequate money and being prepared to work hard mean that raising children is less likely to go drastically wrong than having very little money, living at or near the poverty line and viewing benefit payments and council housing as a right rather than a safety net.

Phew thank god at least I'm not the only one.
I'm a teacher and I have to say I've referred to ss before. It's so awful what you witness and it goes across incomes/class or whatever you want to term it.
Did people see that recent report on teens being neglected? I see this with parents not even being sure that their kids are in school or college and just a lack of care and interest. I hate it

Before this thread gets pulled, the McCanns' hotel room was nowhere near the restaurant. So it was nothing like the kids upstairs in a bedroom while the parents ate in their dining room.

There is a massive difference between involvement with what was SS because you have mental health issues or a child with disabilities and being referred to SS for child neglect and abuse. In the latter, class absolutely impacts on which children/ families are reported. Simple fact is that a lot of people have (subconscious) prejudices to working class families and are far more likely to report than they do with middle class families. Sometimes, this works as a positive for WC children in that services step in to support them and sometimes the impact is incredibly damaging (local HT here notorious for his dislike of WC mothers & has a well documented history of reporting mothers for being crap parents when anyone with even an inkling of common sense could tell the child had autism & needed to be referred for formal diagnosis and the implementation of support strategies. His classism & misogyny was actively putting kids at risk). Equally, internalised class prejudices means people are far less likely to report MC families for child neglect and abuse. There has been some interesting research into child sexual abuse suggesting that it might be more common in MC families because the perpetrator is secure in the knowledge that class status confers a level of protection. It's been a while since I've read anything on this so it's entirely possible those studies have been deemed scientifically unrigourous. Certainly, I've come across cases where they children were effectively being starved by MC parents and school staff refusing to recognise this as abuse as they saw neglect as only a 'WC' issue.

Oh FFS, leave the McCann's out of it
Really?!

I'm middle class and I was.

It was due to my alcoholic ex husband but as I had left him and was very clear about no unsupervised access they didn't take it further. It was very nerve racking. I had two spot checks.

But being middle class does not necessarily mean you are less likely to be a violent bully, have alcohol problems etc. or a child with special needs for example.

I think there are some quite old fashioned views here about the work of social services.

In my very middle class affluent street I can think of at least 6 families that have ha

I think the McCanns is a good and relevant example. Keels and Gary who left the kids in the caravan while they drank beer at the parks pub would have been treated differently. Doesn't mean I don't feel awful for them.

And WLF46 lists all the very clear prejudices that result in people failing to report MC children who are being neglected and abused.

I think this debate has been done before?!!!

Shame, this was an interesting OP.

Yes.
And I felt extremely ashamed. Social worker criticised me for working, as "working mothers never put their children first" and "it's not good to not have two adults in a household".
The veil of silence is awful.

Of course middle class people get referred less frequently. Money buys cleaners, nannies, nice houses, clothes, food, outsourced laundry, extra activities. It's harder to (physically) neglect a child under those circumstances. Emotional neglect is harder to spot and less 'urgent' for social workers having to do their best with scarce resources.

I have to say I have thought the same before, and have some arms length experience of social care, fostering, social work etc. Live in a very polarised area - very poor + insanely wealthy. I do look at some of the mums/kids at school and think, if they were poorer they'd be sent on compulsory parenting classes or be being reviewed. I feel like some of the very very posh ones actually neglect their kids.

Eliza, that social worker was a dick. I'm a lone parent and I work as a social worker as are lots of my colleagues.

I take from your post you mean child protection and not other reasons such as disability?

I know of one - they self referred because of disability, but there were also child protection matters.

My experience as a bystander to the whole process was that the representatives of SS involved repeatedly stood in awe of their wealth, class and status, and if they'd been a family with less standing they'd have lost custody of all the children. I can't say more without telling a story that isn't my business to tell.

Not reading the thread (sorry, but I don't want to get upset).

My middle-class parents were referred to SS. The social worker who turned up guilt tripped me for making a fuss when I was so lucky with such a nice home. But, this was nearly 20 years ago and I am sure things have changed.

As an abused and neglected child from a 'naice' middle class family, from a nice area, with a professional father and a housewife mother, I wish social services hadn't fallen for the picture my parents portrayed and protected me. When I tried to speak out to people about what was happening to me I was treated as a spoilt brat because of the nice family, nice home and nice things I had. Inside I was screaming and suffering all the time. I hope curent day child protection isn't so prejudiced and blinkered and so easily fobbed off as the social workers were when I was young

This is a real bug bear of mine

I know a couple of families with ss involvement and middle class.
However most MC can pay for help in stressful situations so very likely to have family or nannies to pick up the pieces.

I was a MC kid being battered regularly. Not a whiff of SS.
Once my face was so bruised that my mum kept me home from school..
(It was my brother)

I bet stuff is overlooked a lot more. Me and my sister are in similar situations that could potentially warrant SS involvement but I guess they'd be more interested in me than her with her middle glass lifestyle!

FWIW I think the mcCanns situation could have happened to anyone.

Eliza I've had similar.

I think he got disciplined for it.

This isn't a SW rant most are lovely. I've even had advice of a poster on here when I had a problem with my ex and contact.

I suppose you get arseholes in any profession.