To wonder if middle class families are ever referred to ss?

[malificent7]

It always seem to be the poor who are referred but middle class naice families can be abusive too.
My family was middle class but my mum had severe mental health issues which affected her parenting (a lot). I gave a few friends who had wealthy parents but were treated very badly.. aibu to wonder if wealth covers up bad situations?

H (separated) was abused by his step dad, Physically but mostly verbally.
His mother swept it under the rug.
One day, a physical incident happened. H was choked, punched and then thrown out of the house with no shoes on. H ran to his aunts house, told her, the police were called and SS were involved.
They did nothing, visited once and that was that and H's SD is still married to his cunt of a DM now.
His DM still won't accept her H is abusive.
Its a sad state of affairs and I feel for him, I think it had a lot to do with their jobs (high flying professionals) million pound home and naice lives. However this was years ago, around 15-20 years ago in fact, so I'd hope if that was the case things have changed now

The family I mentioned above who are loaded would have been treated differently had they not had money to pay people to plug the gaps. However the bottom line is that the gaps were plugged so the risk was reduced.

MarianneSolong Sat 03-Dec-16 11:21:25

I found your comments from your partner quite ignorant. Domestic abuse crosses all classes and wealthy abusers have the assets and the determination to belittle and put down the other parent even after divorce. It becomes a competition. They will involve anyone, including family courts and social services, with false allegations. A shocking waste of resource which they are never held to account for. I found most professionals don't understand the dynamics of domestic abuse and treat both parents as equally responsible ie mutually acrimonious. These statements are made not by looking at WHAT has been written or said but the very fact that someone is standing ground to protect their children.

I do wonder if there is a big difference in the reasons why SS are contacted between "naice middle class" families and other families.

I should imagine there are less referrals to SS for neglect from middle class families. Simply because they can use money to plug the gaps if they are not coping.

What about celebs that have chaotic lifestyles to they get referred?

You do wonder about certain celebs dont you?
Not mentioning any names of course....but if I had had such a drug and party habit I am sure SS would have come knocking...

I've worked with lots of "middle class" families who have involvement from social care teams.

Some because they have children with disabilities, sometimes parents have MH or
physical health issues, and sometimes because aspects of parents lifestyle are impacting negatively on the children's wellbeing.

I do think on these kind of threads there's a misunderstanding that "SS" are only ever involved for abuse and neglect type situations or for punitive measures. Not the case.

There are certain celebs I believe have had ss involvement, 2 in particular. But one must be careful what one alleges/who one names.

I also once read an open opinion piece in a paper that pretty much said it outright it was their belief that a famous person from a very famous family would surely have had SS involvement if they were not who they are.

MN is the only place I class mentioned regularly.

Thanks plimsolls. Spot on. This seems to be a bit of a witch hunt in disguise...

Maybe explicitly, but class is implicit in many things, even when we don't think it so.

Do you really look at others and think what 'class' they are? Who actually cares that much?

No, of course not, that's why it's implicit.

Some people get an easier ride in life because money talks. Pointless to pretend otherwise.

Not on MN.

But class doesn't equal money.

Of course class has an impact on how people treat you.

I think sometimes the children themselves minimise what's happening...
i read Clarissa Dickson wrights autobiography (one if the two fat ladies who has since died) and she wrote very candidly about her father beating her mother and her (not her brother)
The gist was that she didn't feel she could complain because she was being hit with an antique ormulu gilt clock 😞

Yes, my family was.

I phoned SS myself and the NSPCC and told them I couldn't keep my 15 year old dd safe and that she was at risk of exploitation by men she was seeing outside of the home.

DD was out of control and it triggered the help we'd been begging for for two years without any success.

It comes into numerous things, and I think the reason the McCanns were brought into it (and it is relevant) is because it so perfectly epitomised where class makes a difference.

Two educated and professional doctors leave their three children in an apartment in Portugal as they go to drink wine and eat tapas and their child disappears. I have absolutely nothing but sympathy for them, but that doesn't mean I can't see candidly that an unemployed couple who had gone to holiday on a caravan site in Wales and had left the children to drink beer at the local pub would have had a very different initial reaction from the press and from the public.

A child who is filthy and has been running wild all day will be treated with fond indulgence at a national trust property; not so much if said child has been charging around the estate.

I think you're in the minority with the sympathy for the Mccanns.

Absolutely agree Burgundy and I said much the same at the time (re McCanns)

That's so true burgundy. I personally wouldn't care if my child was dirty from playing but I find myself scrubbing her up within an inch of her life if we have a Drs appointment or something. Same with her 'optional' nursery school jumper. I make it last a week but it's spotless and she has to take it off as soon as we're home whereas the middle class mums let them play in the local playground where we go after school still wearing them because I bet it wouldn't even enter their heads that it could count as a black mark against them.

I still have sympathy for the mcCanns though. I'm the paranoid one in my family that hated going next door and leaving her sleeping even briefly.