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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to not want the nanny having her phone with her?

314 replies

ClipsAre · 02/12/2016 23:58

I don't mean not physically on her, but her not using it when she is meant to be looking after my child. I often notice her on her phone and DC nudging her and her saying one minute, etc. I work from home, so I tend to see what's going on and if I'm going past I do occasionally mention it but she claims that my DC is happy doing x, y and z so she thought she'd quickly reply to an email/text, etc.

AIBU to think this isn't okay?

OP posts:
AngryGinger · 04/12/2016 21:01

thisisreallynotmyname she would be able to use her phone at her desk though

bangalanguk · 04/12/2016 21:54

There is still the issue of the Nanny using her phone when she is being paid to look after/play with/stimulate a child. If the mother is on the premises she can't have the excuse of needing to contact the parent and how many emergencies need to be dealt with in a day?

pollymere · 04/12/2016 22:40

I work in a school where phone use is only acceptable during breaks. This is a child protection issue in various ways. How would you feel if a teacher did this during a lesson? She needs to keep her phone use to her own time. Legally everyone is required to a twenty minute break if they work six hours, or presumably you let her have lunch at somepoint. That is when she can check her phone. Obviously if she's expecting something urgent or someone is critically ill then you might allow the odd exception but it shouldn't be the rule.

jeaux90 · 04/12/2016 22:52

I have a live in nanny. I let her use her phone when she likes like I do at my work. I trust her not to abuse the situation and make my child her priority and it's worked for 7 years. As long as she not using it when she is supposed to be fully engaged (homework/craft/outside/walking my child to school etc) then what's the actual problem?

squeak10 · 04/12/2016 23:17

For gods sake, you work from home can observe your nanny, look after your child yourself if you have the time to watch the 'nanny' yrbu

ZincStreet · 04/12/2016 23:23

Squeak, read the full thread? HmmHmm

sammyjayneex · 04/12/2016 23:58

Squeak10

Lol
That's what I was thinking, if you have time to stalk your nanny you don't need a nanny

lovealookabout · 04/12/2016 23:59

The arrangement sounds weird. Feel like you got an arrangement you thought was normal (15m breaks per hour). I echo other sentiments and think get rid of her, she's being over paid. She works for 45m periods, even if you are happy with everything else she had zero reason to use a phone in that short time IMO.
Oh and squeak...do one, even if she was sitting on her arse all day while the nanny looks after her child it doesn't relate to the matter that she's using her phone. As it is she's doing a job that gives a lot to society so wind it in.

lovealookabout · 05/12/2016 00:01

Stalk the nanny?! She's there every 45 mins. If the nanny is on her phone when she has a break that is hardly stalking Confused

madasacatter · 05/12/2016 06:43

Wow, so many people judging the OP here.... :O

So as a nanny employer (who sometimes works from home), I'd say that if this is bothering you then it's worth talking about. It may just be that your expectations of phone usage differ to hers and a quick chat will align the expectations and resolve all.

My personal experience is that our nanny does pick up her phone occasionally, but I never see the 'wait a minute' behaviour you describe and I would be miffed if I did.

I do wonder if this thread is because there are also other niggles that you have with the nanny though?

Finally, the breaks situation is downright odd. As family we have had a few au pairs over the years and two nannies, and none of them have ever asked for so many breaks.

psicat · 05/12/2016 06:59

I'm not allowed to use my phone at work. I manage my own time and my boss knows I work hard and get on with things. A very occasional text (1 or 2 a day?) or if had to take a quick private call that couldn't wait (usually about child...) would be OK but I would get pulled aside if it escalated. It has happened with others. We're paid to work not look at our phone. Checking emails or Facebook would be huge no no!

Plus I hate seeing parents with eyes glued to phone whilst kids are doing stuff. I really try to keep off it until he's gone to bed - am at work for most of the day so our time together is precious for both of us. I would be pretty peeved if found that nursery staff were on their phones through the day!

Sure everyone is entitled to a lunchbreak and appreciate it's not like she has anyone to relieve her whilst she takes a break but equally I never have the time to have a lunchbreak, that's common in our office. My OH never has a lunchbreak, I think that's pretty common in his too. He wouldn't dream of using his phone except for emergency either (or as he informs me, when he goes to the loo - why do men have to have something to read on the loo? How long are they in there for?!)

NoFucksImAQueen · 05/12/2016 07:02

I'm not judging you op, I feel angry on your behalf. This woman is utterly taking the piss.

psicat · 05/12/2016 07:09

Oop just read back a bit - she has breaks every hour??? yes she is taking the piss. In what job do you have hourly breaks, she's very lucky and in no way should she be using the phone for anything except emergencies outside of those times. That's mad.
And re the point of working from home. No way could I work from home and look after a four year old. I tried it once when he was ill - just about managed to take calls (to other staff not customers) but couldn't work on the computer. I work for a council, it's non stop and I know from my police colleagues it's no different for them

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 05/12/2016 07:10

What a fantastic thread. Mother starts it asking if nanny is being unreasonable by having her head in a phone and telling her charge to wait. That's fine apparently, but it's not fine for the mother who is 'stalking the nanny', at fault for having a nanny in the first place, not working hard enough herself, and apparently not letting nanny have breaks. Oh, she has a 15 min break every hour you say? That's your fault too.

BooLicious · 05/12/2016 07:31

Some of these comments are ridiculous! You pay the nanny to do a job and she's not doing that properly. You give her so many breaks that she should use those to go on her phone.

Personally, I would get someone who does that job solely till 3pm, with one break in between plus lunch. What other job do you know of that you work 45 mins then 15 mins break so on and so on... I've never heard of it to be honest. She's taking you for a ride op. Find another nanny through your local areas Facebook page. I know they have loads near me, ask for advice and do background checks on references etc. You shouldn't have to worry/check up on someone who you need to trust to look after your child.

Good luck!!

sammyjayneex · 05/12/2016 09:06

This isn't like any other job tho is it? She isnt working in an office so the day will be entirely different. I can't believe the nanny expects a woman to focus on a child every second of the day and if she even dares to take her eye off the child she's not doing the job she's being paid for?? All that matters is the the jobs your expecting her to do should be done and the child should have had interaction with the nanny throughout the day and this may involve taking him/her out or sat playing games or helping them with something but this doesn't happen every waking second. Even Sahms don't spend every second with their child because the child can play alone for a while as long as that child is safe what does it matter!!!

sammyjayneex · 05/12/2016 09:07
  • I can't believe the op expects the nanny
madasacatter · 05/12/2016 09:12

Sammy - I hope you've read the situation about breaks for this nanny.

The mum is simply asking that the nanny pay attention to her duties, when not on a break. Every hour, the nanny works for 45 minutes and then gets a 15 minute break. That's more breaks that anyone I know with a job!

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 05/12/2016 09:24

There's a world of difference between expecting a nanny to hover around a child 24/7 and pay attention to their every whim, and expecting a nanny to not use their phone to the point of asking the child to wait a minute. The OP falls into the latter category.

Asking a child that you are paid to look after to wait because you are dicking about on your phone, is not a particularly engaged nanny. Would you do that to a colleague at work?

ladyme · 05/12/2016 09:57

*sammyjayneex Sun 04-Dec-16 20:05:42
Sheffmum1

I agree why do you need a nanny when you work from home. Some people must just have money to burn... people who work for a company can hardly afford to pay nursery fees these days!*

Because working from home means working I'd be so pissed off if the employee we allow to work from home used it instead of childcare. She still has to do her job and it's not a job you can do at the same time as looking after children.

That's why.

LivingOnTheDancefloor · 05/12/2016 10:00

I agree why do you need a nanny when you work from home. Some people must just have money to burn... people who work for a company can hardly afford to pay nursery fees these days!

Working from home is still working, the same way as working in an office.
I work from home, "for a company", and my DCs are looked after by a nanny.

OP, YANBU.
I am happy for my nanny to look at her phone when there is downtime (children are playing on their own, napping), or if she needs to look at something specific like plan an activity or anything else needed for her work. The occasional personal text/call/email is fine as well.
But if you think she is exaggerating just tell her. I had the issue once with a previous nanny, as long as the children were happy to play on their own she would use her phone (instead of sometimes initiate an activity, like arts and crafts or reading to them etc)

ladyme · 05/12/2016 10:07

I agree with Livingonthedancefloor

As your kids get older you start to have another issue as well, they get interested in tech and will happily sit dicking around on their own laptop watching youtube videos or whatever. As a parent, you'll say "that's enough", and distract them with something else and you'd expect a nanny or babysitter to do the same. But some of them don't, and use the time sitting with their own phones etc. So it's a bit of a minefield and I completely understand you wanting to nip it in the bud. I don't want my children to learn that's just how life is when there is a whole world out there for them to learn about!

CrazyKitten · 05/12/2016 11:20

The "annoying" child you mentioned may well be on the autistic spectrum. It can be difficult for such children to interact with their peers. Grown ups are more predictable for such kids. Why do you not want to interact with this child? Understandably you want to get on with your own stuff and want your son to have a play partner, but really is it that bad to talk to someone else's child so that everyone has a positive experience?

jemimapd · 05/12/2016 11:40

agree with Topseyt, why is a job as a nanny any different to other jobs where you're not allowed to use your phone. Just politely and nicely ask them to try to not use it while with the child, and see how you get on?

bibbitybobbityyhat · 05/12/2016 11:40

Sorry but fuck me at the blind ignorance on this thread.

Work from home and look after pre-schooler and young child at the same time???

How the EFF is that supposed to work?

Christ on a bike!

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