AIBU to not want the nanny having her phone with her?

[ClipsAre]

I don't mean not physically on her, but her not using it when she is meant to be looking after my child. I often notice her on her phone and DC nudging her and her saying one minute, etc. I work from home, so I tend to see what's going on and if I'm going past I do occasionally mention it but she claims that my DC is happy doing x, y and z so she thought she'd quickly reply to an email/text, etc.

AIBU to think this isn't okay?

OP, you need a new nanny. Just google a proper agency to find one.

My nanny does 4 hours per day with no breaks. Obviously she eats and goes to the bathroom when she can just like I would - she just treats the place as her own for the hours she's here.

The agency I went through specifically forbids employees to mess around on their phones which is an indicator that your nanny is being unprofessional. I'm sure you can find a similar agency.

My nanny sends me pictures of my little ones when I'm out and I prefer she has her phone nearby and checks it in case I need to tell her something.

If the babies are asleep she reads her phone or plays games on there but why shouldn't she? The second they are awake she is playing with them, feeding, bathing, reading, talking etc. I expect this of her because that is what I would do myself if I could. I hate not being able to be with my babies and I pay her well to do all the things I feel guilty about being unable to do myself.

If there was an emergency for her of course she should know so she should check if she gets a phone call or text, but unless urgent I wouldn't expect her to be on the phone.

Oh she also looks up interesting things to tell the older one about, or checks things to do with the babies like when they're due a wonder week/growth spurt.

I think phones are very useful. They are a part of modern life and they make things fast, interesting and convenient. If their use impacted a child negatively, like indicating to them that they are not as interesting as what you're reading, then thr phone should be put aside.

The nanny in question is taking the piss. I don't think a chat will cut it in this situation. She works only 3/4 of the time she's there and doesn't even do it properly for those tiny 45 minute segments. She seriously can't focus on your child for 45 minutes? Go hire a professional.

This sounds like the weirdest nanny/babysitting set up ever.

I have an au pair who works similar hours (7.30-3). She seems to manage having a break while my toddler is at playschool. She's also able to manage taking him to the park, library or swimming. I've never heard of anyone needing a break every hour

The break every hour is really unusual and I think completely unnecessary. I also think it is key to the phone issue - she's barely at work and certainly should be able not to look at her phone for a 45 minute stretch!

I agree with those who say get a proper nanny. With those hours you could get an experienced one who would only need a short break and would have some professionalism about the work.

A 15 minute break every hour would drive me insane and is ridiculous.
I'd rather have a shorter working day and be left alone to actually do something like go out to the park/library/toddler group.

You need to get a new nanny or stop paying her so much.

...but YANBU to expect her to not use her phone during work time with those kind of breaks. I don't get breaks unless all the kids are at school/asleep. And even then there is tidying up and stuff that needs doing. I try to keep my phone time to a minimum and only reply to things when I do have child free time, while I am already busy doing something else like cooking or vacuuming, or when the 2 year old is refusing to play with me and tells me to go away

Not sure why my name changed in that last post... Haven't actually ever posted with that name before

Do you use your phone while working, OP?

If so, tread carefully.

Unless the OP's job is looking after children, it isn't really relevant whether or not she uses a phone

Yes, it is Pattakiller. If its time theft for a nanny to use her phone when she's working, then its time theft for the OP to use her phone when she's working. Sounds like class-based hypocrisy.

By the way, OP, you'll find that when you post on "Am I being unreasonable", some people will post to say that yes, you are being unreasonable. You seem very angry at people who are critical of you, but this forum does invite debate. Not everyone is going to agree with you!! You only work for a couple of days a week but hire a nanny for 5, and then spend your time micromanaging the nanny. It does all sound a bit odd.

Get rid of her. She's having you on.

I think if I felt it was excessive I would ask her to curb her usage, yes.

It is certainly not true that "in any other job, people use their personal phones briefly throughout the day". I'm a teacher. We don't. We have to be what we want to see and I don't think my teenage pupils would be very impressed if one minute I was saying "get off your phone!" and then the next minute looking at mine...

Nope, you're not being unreasonable. If she used her phone in most jobs she'd get the boot pretty quick - her attention is supposed to be on your child. All the time that she's on shift.

As long as you never look at your own mobile during the hours you are working, then you have the right to ask her not to use hers.

YANBU. Like in any other job, people should not be making personal calls, emails etc during work hours.

have every right not to ask her to use hers even if your using yours.

my last job i was constantly on my
mobile in the salon.....my employees weren't allowed to use theirs unless it was a break, issue was i was owner and i was paying them to work, not ignore a client and be on the phone.

and 45 mins then a break.....yeah seriously she's taking you for a ride, get on google and find a new one

YANBU.
Cheeky of her to fob you off

please insist she stops. No paying job allows for this.

You're not being unreasonable. If she worked in a nursery she wouldn't be allowed to. My nanny can use her phone to her hearts content in her lunch break - my children have quiet time / nap - I make it clear in interviews and at the beginning of employment that phones can't be used while working, just like any job. I've had 3 nannies in 8.5 years and this has been fine. It's a job, I've never been allowed to be on my phone in any job I was employed in. I work from home too so I would soon see if any of our nannies had been on their phones when they should have been interacting with/ watching the children. A lot of young people need some guidance as to what is acceptable at work, just explain that she can respond to emails over lunch time and create a time when she can have a break and check messages over lunch, if there isn't a clear break in place.

'As long as you never look at your own mobile during the hours you are working, then you have the right to ask her not to use hers.'

She has the right to tell her not to use it at all because she's the employer. She's not running a fucking democracy, she's paying someone to do the job of looking after her child, not play on her phone.

YANBU

I'm am very fair with my staff but mobile phones are not allowed on shift. If there is an emergency they can be reached on the work phones.
You are paying her for her time.. end of!

Revelation... there was a time we survived without mobile phones! 😊

I am a nanny/mothers help and I am dedicated to the children I look after. In a previous life, I was a registered manager in charge of 30+ care staff and also a SEN teacher. My view on phones is this (and I expected this if my staff and behaved accordingly myself): check it on your break.

I would suspect that your nanny does not get a break.

Why did you not agree terms for phone usage when you employed her? If you did not specify this, how do you expect her to know what you find acceptable?

Also, if you expect her to take photos of your child, be in constant contact if you need her, why are you not supplying a phone for this purpose? If you are expecting her to use her own phone and are not paying the bill, you are not entitled to dictate what she does with it!

If your child is genuinely unhappy and not being cared for then there is an issue. If a child is just expected to be indulged at every moment then good luck because that is not real life. Result: brat.

Use your common sense about this. It doesn't need mumsnet to give you thousands of pros and cons of a situation only you can truly see for what it is. Be real. Is she a good nanny or not?

I think too many guilty working parents look to slate the help they have when actually if they think they can do a better job.... well, don't have kids if you can't look after them.

Go work it out for yourself.

Yes I think you are being unreasonable because shock horror.. nannies have live s too. Sorry but your child doesn't need attention every second of the day, I'm a SAHM and I don't need to give attention to my child every second of the day. As long as she gets her jobs done .. like the chores she is required to do, spends time with the children at regurlar intervals and as long as it's not for hours on end she spend in her phone then I don't see a problem. You say she gets a break but three days we need to respond to things through out the day. Does she have her own family? Maybe she needs to check up on them? You say you work from home so your children see you on the laptop/ in the office all the time and I guess you use your phone. I don't think you can expect a nanny to spend every waking minute with your child without communicating with the outside world at all!

I was a nanny for 18 years.. yes I did sometimes check my phone etc.. but if a child I looked after needed me I would look at phone later. However you can't give a child 100% attention for the 10 hours you work as that's insane!! You are always aware of them and their safety and needs but a child also needs to learn patience. A nanny working 10 hours days get no breaks, no lunch hours and therefore as long as nanny is ensuring child's safety and wellbeing I think fine to check phone etc...
People mentioned if you work in an office/call centre then not accepted to look at phone, but also you would have breaks and lunch hour etc....

Exactly

After you've had a full day looking after your DC, have a look at your call record/texts. How many have you made, and for how long? You might get a surprise. Can you hand on heart say that your DC never has to tug at your clothes to gain attention? I look after my DGC (20 months) 2 days a week, and I certainly read and send texts & emails. several times during the 8 hours I'm with him. OK, so I'm not being paid, but as others have said, most people have several micro breaks at work, around the water cooler, chats in the loo etc. I'd be surprised if your nanny gets a meal break without your DC. Perhaps if she did get a true break, you could insist, otherwise I think you're on a hiding to nothing, because she will just leave. If the true problem is the quality of the relationship the nanny has with your child then you need to act for that reason and not because you are holding her to standards you do not keep yourself.