Call me by my bloody name!

[roarityroar]

Aibu

My name is Alexandra. (I'm happy to say that here as I don't post personal stuff). Not Alex. I sign my emails Alexandra. I introduce myself as Alexandra.

so why t' feck am I always called Alex? In response to emails I have clearly signed with my legal, preferred name??! why do people shorten without asking?! I wouldn't, it's rude.

Gahhhhhhhhhhh.

AIBU to want people to call me my actual bloody name?

I can vouch for that Liz. I'm from Liverpool, and hardly anyone uses or gets their full title here.

As is often the case, arf is spot on

I was Victoria for a while when I was a baby, but my mum got so pissed off with people calling me Vicki that she changed it. I can't see what is so hard about calling a perspn by their preferred name - it's just good manners. I get what underneath means about people using abbreviations as a term of endearment but if a person doesn't like it then their feelings on the matter are more important that anyone else's.
My dd has a long name. So far people have mostly followed my lead and called her by her proper name.

Luckily at my office there are 2 us- I go by the shortened version of my name (ie Becky instead of Rebecca) as my full name sounds quite serious and doesn't particularly suit me. Colleague with the same name uses the full name. Nobody ever gets us confused!

I think most people call people by whatever name they were first introduced as.

I can't make myself call my DH by the short form of his name because for some reason he introduced himself with the full form 16 years ago, and it was a few weeks til I met his friends and discovered that they all called him the short form and were bemused that I used the long form - he's not bothered either way.

People do use short forms as endearments though, and sometimes because they automatically convert or assume the short form is more informal / friendly.

It is self important and rude to continue to use a shortening after being corrected but imo not to do it once because you think it is more friendly / informal or you simply automatically hear Alex for Alexandra (or can't remember if it's Alexandria or Alexandra and think Alex is less rude than entirely the wrong name...)

Tbh I find it a bit to care that much (but I spent a whole summer once answering to a different but similar name when my summer job team leader misheard initially introduced me incorrectly to co-workers, and found it quite freeing :o ). It is probably more to use the non preferred name after being corrected, but not to shorten per se if the person concerned doesn't say they don't like it.

My name's Sarah. Not "Sar". all my close friends know I hate it. There's a woman at work who has called me Sar from day one and after six years I now don't know how to correct her.

Totally agree with Arf

I've not used my Christian name for over a decade (and I'm only 21!) But the name I do go bye is very unusual. I'll introduce myself as my chosen name, the one literally everyone calls me, and I always get asked, oh what's your real name then/what's that short for? If they ask if it's short for somrhthey get told bluntly no, as more than once I've told someone my real name and they've decided that like it better than the name I use, and refuse to use the name introduce myself as!

Alexandra is one of my favourite names but the shortening of Alex puts me off. I'm not sure if calling (future daughter) her Allie or Alexa or Alexis would avoid Alex or not.

I prefer my full name but I get two shortened versions, one which I hate. The other DH dislikes, so the one the other one is the default.

A lot of names I love until they are shortened.

Some names are more onerous to say than others, which is why I think some people shorten longer names, but the name-owners' wishes should be respected. If I inadvertently shorten or mispronounce a name and am corrected I always try and remember in future. If I forget I apologise - I don't do it on purpose.

However, there is no excuse for the shortening of Susan/Sue, Kathy/Kath etc - that's just taking the Mick sorry Michael .

I'm Jen. Not Jenn (why the extra 'n'?!) or Jennifer (but I'm 'not allowed' to change work's global address book) and CERTAINLY NOT Jenny/Jennie.

Anyone who knows me and is on this site will now think I'm you lol. Same name and same feeling about the shortening

I had an e-mail from a colleague who is called 'Jen' but she signed off 'Jenn' and ever since then I painstakingly followed suit. I'm just plain 'Jenny' but thought the extra 'n' must be the way she spells her name. I've been e-mailing her for years - 'Hi Jenn, Regards Jenny' kind of thing.

She mentioned to me a few weeks back that she'd misspelled her name and hadn't the heart to tell me... so followed suit, calling herself 'Jenn' when signing off e-mails. I couldn't help wondering why not just put the correct spelling on and I would then have spotted it and corrected myself? Bonkers!

I work in a school and they used my email NN to learn to spell my name in the office. Admittedly, I spell my NN strangely and omit one of the double letters but my full name is the traditional spelling. My log in for the register system is my full name spelt wrong, with only one of the double letters. I'm not going to complain but it's ridiculously hard to type your own name wrong.

Not sure it's the same but my name is Carly and I'm constantly called Carla, kylie, Kayleigh...literally everything but my name. It drives me insane!

Taylia - I'm up for starting a support group if you are! LyingWitch - LOVE that!!

Oh, and my name is technically Jessica, but I've been Jay since the word go! I hate it when I'm called Jessica because that's what my mother called me when I'm in Big Trouble, you know? haha!

However, I chose this screen name because on the internet, "Jay" is apparently a male name, so I must be a guy, and because I say things that "lead people to believe that I'm a woman", I must therefore be trolling... hence "Jay is (short) for Jessica". So I am no stranger to people deciding for me what my name is and what that must say about me. Disgusting behavior, a total lack of respect for a person if you can't even respect the most basic of things about them - the name they have chosen to identify themselves with.

I'm a Marie. Growing up every teacher would call me Maria. Now, they see my name on the register, see how I write my name on my books and papers, and yet they still decide it must be wrong. It used to drive me mad.

They couldn't shorten my name at school, so they turned to my surname, which rhymes with a swear word. Oh well.

Does anyone find themselves just spelling out their name automatically when asked for it, because you just know they won't get it right the first time?

disappointing I'm saying that her boss of her team called her Alex, when he introduced her, and it does indeed sound pedantic and standoffish to immediately correct him to Alexandra.

The point is that her work team boss wants her to use an abbreviated more friendly name to fit into the team not because I don't like her name, whatever it is. Like it or not, the boss sets the ambience, not the OP. He's the boss, not the OP.

In a team we all wear a uniform, whether it's work rest or play. Fitting in is seen as important, and not fitting in gets you nowhere, fast.

Maybe the OP likes her name, and likes to stand out, but that's not what I look for in a team member I manage. I like them to knuckle down and do the work, not piss about twirling in their tutus.

She could have her full name on her work as the first pps slide. To immediately correct her boss who has introduced her makes her like like she's a dick, and not a team member. He'll remember her as Alexandra, who corrected him in front of the clients, (major eye roll) not oh Alexandra, I must remember that's her name.

Yes, sometimes you just have to take one for the team, if you want to be a part of it that is.

I reckon when you've proved yourself a valued team member and get promoted, you can start to call yourself Alexandra, or whatever the long version of your name is OP, but not till then!

I get the same thing. My name is Elizabeth; everyone shortens it to Liz or Lizzy automatically.

It doesn't bother me, TBH. I will formally introduce myself as Elizabeth and sign off emails etc. with that, but if someone presumes to shorten it, oh well. A four syllable, easily shortened name is an ass ache if you don't want it shortened. I just accept that Liz and Lizzy and are quicker and more casual for other people.

Underbeneath, on the whole I prefer names (including my own) to be shortened but I don't agree at all with how prescriptive and inflexible you're being about this. It doesn't matter if it was the boss or the Queen to wanted the OP to shorten her name, if that's not the name she feels comfortable with she has a perfect right to ask to be called what she wants to be called. Not so much because it is her official name, as because it is her preferred name.

To me, it is unreasonable of the boss to try to insist on a certain shortening because it fits his perception of the team image. Your preferred name is who you are. It's not about standing out, it's about standing up for yourself.

Underbeneath What??? I had to read that a couple of times because I couldn't quite believe it the first time. It seems that, to you:

a) A boss/ manager can call their "team" anything they like and may completely disregard team memebrs' wishes on anything, because they're in charge and set the "ambience". Yes, pissing your team off and disregarding their feelings on the most basic of things is the sign of a fantastic boss and makes for a fantastic team spirit, doesn't it?

b) Only when you reached the lofty heights of management or bosshood yourself can you expect to be called by the name you choose - your own proper name. Hey, you're just not important enough until then and don't deserve the consideration.

And so, by extension:

c) If you never reach the lofty heights of manager, you may never be called by your preferred or proper name. But you're only an unimportant minion whose feelings don't count, so it doesn't matter.

Riiight, got it.

Maybe the OP likes her name, and likes to stand out, but that's not what I look for in a team member I manage. I like them to knuckle down and do the work, not piss about twirling in their tutus

So, using your own birth certificate name means you're trying to stand out? What?? How? Also you twirl in a tutu and don't work hard?
If you do, indeed, manage a team, under believe me, they hate you. Especially Debbie (or Deborah, as her DH, DPs, friends, and everyone else calls her).
You're stuck on managers and teams for some reason, but the OP never actually mentions a boss or team, just that someone introduced her presentation. Could have been anyone - equal level colleague, person from outside company to whom she was giving the presentation, the window cleaner - and the annoying habit of people amending others' names goes on in all situations, not just work.

You clearly DO judge people by their names, saying Alexandra sounds old fashioned and frumpy which was fucking rude and that full names are unfriendly, attention seeking devices, indicative of a slacker.

YANBU, I have the same problem. I am actually known by a shortened version of my name but only family and friends. In all other situations I use my full name. Some people do think it's okay to call me by a shortened version, often not even the one I would use. Others call me by a slightly simlar name - think Alexis if I was called Alexandra. It's the height of bad manners to repeatedly use the wrong name when someone has told you what they are called.

I'm a Siobhan and HATE it when people pronounce it slightly wrong, saying Shivon instead of Shivorn.....