Call me by my bloody name!

[roarityroar]

Aibu

My name is Alexandra. (I'm happy to say that here as I don't post personal stuff). Not Alex. I sign my emails Alexandra. I introduce myself as Alexandra.

so why t' feck am I always called Alex? In response to emails I have clearly signed with my legal, preferred name??! why do people shorten without asking?! I wouldn't, it's rude.

Gahhhhhhhhhhh.

AIBU to want people to call me my actual bloody name?

I know a Douglas who will not ever respond to Doug or Dougie. Even if people are right in front of him saying it.

I prefer to save my rage for the big stuff. People know what I like to be called, and if they use the cutsie shortening without having known me from my cradle, I mark them down as prats who should know better (though there are one or two exception).

On the scale of things that can go wrong, having your name shortened is not a big deal.

I get the opposite - people lengthening my name

People always presume my name is a shortened version of a certain name....... it bloody isn't if it was, I'd use it.

It's always official type people asking me too!

I call people whatever they introduce themselves to me as (or walk a merry dance of avoiding saying their name if I'm unsure). I don't really care what version of my name people call me, but that doesn't mean I expect others not to care.
What really really pisses me off is when people call me a completely different name altogether. Think Emma instead of Emily. It's not a version of my name it's another name entirely. It's not friendly, it's fucking rude!

I know someone who has a pfb called Alexander. He's called "Alexander" even though a shortened name would make it easier for the other kids to pronounce and play / talk with him.

He's quite a solitary fellow, bless him, with his mother policing his friends and correcting everyone around him. It comes across as very uptight.

Fwiw I use a longer and a shorted version of my name as well as the name. It's just a name. I'm just so delighted in my dotage that anyone is interested in talking to me at this stage I'll answer to a dog whistle.

I think you're being standoffish and unapproachable, insisting on the official and legal varient of your name and a little bit deranged and precious correcting everyone every time.

Just have the conversation with people and stop being so uptight about your name. You may look back and wonder why people don't bother much with you in future, and this uptight behaviour might be the reason why.

Aww - I tend to lengthen short names of people I'm close to (if they like it, you understand!). To me you'd be Clareen, Clarette or Clara. There's always an affectionate name to be had if you just put your back into it.

Underbeneath -- are you serious?! I understand using shortened forms for small children but as an adult I don't think it's unreasonable or standoffish to have other adults call me by my actual name, the name I prefer.

I feel your pain in reverse. My name is Kim & I am forever getting people either calling me Kimberley or asking if my name is short for Kimberley (I also REALLY dislike being asked if it's short for Kimberley as I'm somewhat vertically challenged & I'm irrationally sensitive about being rather short). If my parents had wanted to call me Kimberley the would have. I hate my name though as there are no shortening & even with only 3 fucking letters people STILL spell it wrong!

I'm Brianna. Not Bri. Not Anna. And yet, I get these from everyone except my parents and husband. My mom has the opposite problem - she's Wendy (grew up that way!) even though her birth certificate says Gwendolyn. Everyone tries to call her Gwen, and she doesn't even recognise it as being her name.

YANBU, it's politeness to call you what you say/write.
It irritates me when I sign off an email and people reply with a different spelling of my name. It's ignorant.
Example; sign off Claire and they reply back Clare/Clair. It's not hard to check the email address or signature.

I don't recognise my abbreviated name as mine either, drive me mad - work emails use the name the person has on their signature. I'm quite happy to have it abbreviated to my initial to be more informal just don't assume it's something else!!!

Yanbu.

My name is only five letters and it gets shortened to two all the bloody time. I hate it.

OP - sorry not RTFT but do you actually tell people you dislike Alex or just silently seethe?

If I hadn't been told otherwise then I have to confess I would probably call you Alex but if you told me "Shagged, I'd really prefer it if you called me Alexandra rather than Alex" then I absolutely wouldn't

The reality is that the majority of Alexandras do tend to go by Alex so I think it's unfair to expect people to guess that you don't like Alex without being told. If they continue to call you Alex after being asked not to then YANBU and I don't blame you for getting pissed off

I'm glad I like both the full and common shortening of my name. Makes life easier!

Shagged - I do tell people.

YANBU in that case and have my sympathy x

YANBU. I use my full name at work and a NN that is a name in its own right everywhere else. Work asked on my first day if I wanted to use my NN (as it's in my personal email address I used for correspondence before starting), but I quickly put them straight.

Thankfully only a few people at work have ever shortened my name (to something close to my actual NN), but it's usually someone I get on with anyway. In return I always refer to people using the name they introduce themselves as. My manager goes by a very distinctive NN for example. Sometimes I find I've been emailing back and forth with someone for a while and they'll go from their full name to a shortened form (ie. Melanie in accounts becomes Mel in email 4), I think it's a nice sign of building a working relationship, but only once you've been invited to call them that.

My DS was signed up for infant school as his nickname, but when he transferred to junior school he wanted to go by his full name, so we did that. The kids now interchangeably call him by his full name or NN, and he has a few extra NNs at home - like me, he answers to anything!

My ds is Alexander, I don't shorten it often but when I do it's 'xander' which everyone knows we (and he) prefers. my mil and sil call him Alex to piss me off I think- it works!

WLF46 Just correct them. But keep in mind that it will mean you are considered to be fussy and uptight. People shorten your name because they consider "Alex" to be more informal and friendlier than "Alexandra" and they presume you are comfortable with it.

So are you saying that 'Alexandra' is formal and unfriendly? So we can just change people's names if we 'don't like' them??

Also- I don't have anything against the name Alex- just it isn't his name!

Derailing a little possibly. My late mum had a friend who was Alexandra, but who was always known as Alex. I have a name I loathe, and always use a shortened version. Mum would never call me by the shortened version. I asked her why and the answer was "that's not your name." I tried to explain that her friend Alexandra was always known as Alex which was not her name and was told "but that's what she wants to be called. She doesn't like her full name."
"But I don't like my full name"
"But that's what your called"
It was one I was never going to win because well, there was no logic in the argument.

*you're called,
Autocorrect got me.

Yes, I am serious, you do sound fussy, precious and uptight correcting everyone!

Just be thankful people are talking with you
Correcting them all the time is very off putting, especially when abbreviating someone's name means you're "in" the group.

Why do you insist on correcting people when it's a friendly gesture? Don't you want to be included, to be one of the team? If not, why not? And where would you rather be with your 'full legal name', as you say yourself.... in front of a judge?

Just go with the flow, see an abbreviation or a nick name as a compliment.

The only Alexandra I know about is Princess Alexandra, who was about 100 years old and fusty with it. It's not a name I'd chose over Xandy or Alex if I was working closely with a group, and they liked me enough to use a NN. I certainly wouldn't correct them every time.

Maybe people you work with feel like me, they think Alexandra sounds snobby and overly formal, (because of the royal connection) and prefer to think they work with someone who actually is a human being who isn't afraid of getting stuck in, and doing some work.

I've been called all kinds of NN, some of them nothing at all to do with my actual name, and I think of them as a rite of passage/ badges of honour.
I am very happy to muck in when working in teams without ceremony or formality though. I work mostly in the stem field with blokes, and there's no question of anyone being up themselves or prissy.
A name's just name - it's not you.

Maybe you've never thought about how others view you, or what your name means to them? If they're always using a NN for you, maybe it means they don't like using your legal name I guess, and want you to mesh into the team without standing on ceremony.
Four syllables is a lot, ya know, especially if everyone else is know by a NN.

I hate having my name shortened, always reply on email where my name is there in black and white! So annoying

Gosh, I wonder if you're my DD mypussyiscalledCaramel

I met a girl Alex at primary school, thought that was so cool as it was unusual and boyish (to me, in Scotland, in the 70's). Then found that it was short for Alexandra which I thought was also super cool.

So guess what I named my DD 20 years later?

When DD was little she said she didn't want to be called Alex, so she was always Ali for short. By the time she was about 5 or 6 all of her friends and teachers called her Alex and she was happy with that. "Shall we call you Alex now, then?" I asked her. No, she was still to be Ali at home.

She's still our Ali, their Alex, and her university's Alexandra.

Anyway, YANBU to want to be called by the name you want to be called by, OP.

I find mumsnet to be a bit obsessed with shortening names. I see it on the baby names thread all the time 'if you use the name Catherine, everyone will call her Cath' etc.

In real life I don't know very many people whose names get shortened, either by themselves or by others. Although I can think of a glaring exception which is that every Jonathan I've ever met has been shortened to Johnny.

But I don't think it's precious at all to want to be called by your full name. And I don't think it is friendly and inclusive to shorten someone's name without 'permission'. And if they've already specified that they want their full name but someone insists on shortening it, it's all a bit...aggressive.