Is this really Fucking Unbelievable?

[ragingsister]

Just need some perspective!
So my grandma is in hospital with suspected DVT. I was chatting to my sister about when I'd be able to get to see grandma over the weekend and said I wouldn't have much chance as DH is going on an all day and night bender on Saturday with his mates. I can go see her Sunday afternoon and have already seen her last night.
She went mental! Said it was Fucking Unbelievable and was a sad indictment of my life?

For context dh has the all dayer once a year and it's a tradition with his friends. He's not the type to be out all the time. I'd grandma got seriously ill he would obviously cancel but for now she is stable in hospital.

She's not talking to me now and I'm not sure if I'm totally underreacting to DH going out?

I'm totally on your side, she's way out of line to say what she did. Your nan has plenty visitors and so long as DH will cancel if anything happens and you need to go in then your sister is making a drama out of nothing.

Apologies op. I posted about cancelling your hair appointment before I read that it is at a time when there's no visiting at hospital.

You can get your roots done with my blessing

Meadows, you really do sound very aggressive you know.

DVTs aren't life threatening, only if they develop migrate meadows like in your situation, and that often happens before the DVT is diagnosed.
Grandma is in hospital, on treatment (preventing previous from happening) and will be completely well apart from maybe a sore leg.
Some people don't even get admitted to hospital with DVT these days and are treated as outpatients.

OP your visiting schedule is absolutely fine

No issue with you not going to see your Gran on the Sat, she is stable and there are other visitors.

But why are you telling your Dsis that you're not going because your DP is out getting pissed? It's not true, you're not going because you don't feel the need to go in everyday. If you really wanted to see her you would either a) cancel your hair appointment or b) ask your DP to start his drinking session later in the day.

Making out that you aren't going because DP is 'on a bender' is ridiculous and I'm not surprised your Dsis is angry. But probably she is angry because she sees through your lies.

i can still manage to do it without being so bolshy and blunt. I genuinely have no idea how to say 'your grandmother is more important' in any other way.

I can cope with being told I'm BU. I've been on MN long enough not to take it too personally. There are ways of getting your point across though. You do come across as rude and angry.

Even if your hair dresser appointment was this afternoon I'd tell you not to cancel it.

Not read all the comments but I think your sis is unreasonable and overeacting. Your gran won't be expecting all day visitors, and will probably be happy for some peace and quiet. She'll be home soon anyway and DVT is relatively straightforward.

The only thing you could have done a bit more diplomatically is say dh had an important prior engagement rather than having a piss up.

I'm also with you op. You will be missing one day out of four, where your gran will still have visitors. Your dh is not bu to not cancel his bender. Yanbu by getting your hair done. If you can't go you can't go.

However your sister is bu by throwing a hissy fit!

Just ignore her.

even if OP doesn't go tonight, thats still 2 out of 4 days. given that her gran doesn't even have DEFINITE DVT, and is STABLE that is pretty ok in my book. personally when i'm in hospital the last thing i want is people coming in, I just want to sleep and rest and feel better.

I remember my brother having a go at me for not visiting our grandmother in hospital, despite the fact the hospital was in a very difficult place to get to via public transport and I didn't drive. Oh, and because I was kind of busy looking after our mother who was suicidal and our sister who was a small child and he'd not shown his face in 6 MONTHS. Displaced guilt, me thinks.

I hope your grandmother feels better soon OP.

Couldn't you go before her goes? Or he goes an hour later or whatever?

Meadows, you really do sound very aggressive you know. not intentional. As I said tone is hard to pick up. I suppose it's because I don't say 'hun' and 'lol' when I post.

You do come across as rude and angry again, not intended. Just use words that describe the situation and miss out the lols.

I don't even think it's that bad that you are not going to see her on Saturday, I just thought the OP where you basically said OP's bender took priority was shit. Had you omitted the drinking thing I'm quite sure your sister, myself and the other posters (because i wasn't the only one) who didn't agree with you, would not have thought it so bad.

I don't see the issue OP, YANBU.

I told her he was going out drinking because that's what he's doing. I tried to say it a bit more disguised but she goaded me in to saying it how it is. That's when she kicked off. She's known about this tradition for years anyway and would find out on fb so I thought it best not to lie.

Hurry up and delete MNHQ!

I don't see any problem at all in your visiting on the Sunday

It's more than likely the 'All day and night bender' that's got some people clutching their elastic knicker bands.

You should have said he was going on his yearly trip to the opera house and then on to a Japanese restaurant

Meadow plenty of people manage to not sound rude or aggressive without a lol or a hun to be seen. They simply observe basic manners.

Worra that would have been much more acceptable.

I think your sister's probably just a bit worried about your Gran and being a bit unreasonable. To be fair I can see why she'd take the "he's out on a bender" in a less than favourable way. I'm sure she knows if the situation took a turn for worse you'd be there in a heartbeat.

Umm yes if you put it 'DH is going on an all day and night bender on Saturday with his mates' I'd say that sounds FU.

If you'd said, ' I went to see Grandma yesterday and I'm going Sunday, but Saturday is difficult because DH is out/away/busy,' that would have sounded more responsible, caring, adult...

It might be in the delivery!

I don't see the problem. You are visiting plenty and going on Sunday. I don't see why your DH should cancel his planned yearly fun with his mates.

YANBU Op. Your sister reminds me of my (full) brother. He lives the other side of the world, visiting every 3-4 years, yet complains I don't see his mum enough!

It might be childish of me, but whenever I come upon a thread full of posters drawing their chops in about a good night out, it makes me want to go on a good night out.
I will never be too staid to see the value in an occasional old fashioned sesh. And thanks be for that.

Just ignore Meadow. She's being goady and unreasonable.

Sounds like you sister feels guilty about her flaky relationship with your grandma so is taking it out on you. YANBU, you're seeing her plenty and you're entitled to carry on living your life despite what some people on here are saying. Presumably, you have parents/aunts/uncles/cousins visiting too? I bet your gran is desperate for peace and quiet!