Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this really Fucking Unbelievable?

232 replies

ragingsister · 02/12/2016 09:12

Just need some perspective!
So my grandma is in hospital with suspected DVT. I was chatting to my sister about when I'd be able to get to see grandma over the weekend and said I wouldn't have much chance as DH is going on an all day and night bender on Saturday with his mates. I can go see her Sunday afternoon and have already seen her last night.
She went mental! Said it was Fucking Unbelievable and was a sad indictment of my life?

For context dh has the all dayer once a year and it's a tradition with his friends. He's not the type to be out all the time. I'd grandma got seriously ill he would obviously cancel but for now she is stable in hospital.

She's not talking to me now and I'm not sure if I'm totally underreacting to DH going out?

OP posts:
fluffygal · 02/12/2016 09:27

Crossed posted- ask your sister to babysit if she is so bothered.

Redpony1 · 02/12/2016 09:27

I don't see the problem, if she has other visitors!! It's not like you aren't bothering at all.

CurbsideProphet · 02/12/2016 09:30

It's the kind of criticism my sister would dole out, as she can be rather self important Wink You'll have been to visit Thursday, Friday, and Sunday. Other family members are going to visit on Saturday. I hope your grandma is better soon Smile

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 02/12/2016 09:30

You have already seen her and will be seeing her on the Sunday. You have said if anything changes you will go in (if she got seriously ill) and she'll still have visitors on the Saturday. It's a non issue really

Amelie10 · 02/12/2016 09:30

I don't see the issue as wellConfusedyou are seeing her quite a bit in fact, do they expect you to be on call every day?

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 02/12/2016 09:31

And I maybe wrong but isn't visiting usually in the afternoon/evenings? So you wouldn't be able to go Saturday morning

Potnoodlewilld0 · 02/12/2016 09:31

It's not that big of a deal. One day of you not visiting is not going to make her any more ill. ignore your sister

YelloDraw · 02/12/2016 09:32

I am not with your sister. OP has been ot see her, and will see he on Sunday. Her DP has a long standing social engagement and I don't see why he should cancel that when the grandmother has lots of people to visit.

Qwertie · 02/12/2016 09:32

I think you're fine op. Your sister is being a sanctimonious arse.

rightsofwomen · 02/12/2016 09:32

It seems rather OTT for all close relatives to be available to see a hospital-bound relative for the whole duration of their stay.
Of course in an emergency we do just cancel everything, but this isn't that and your Grandma is being well cared for and stable.

Original poster
ragingsister · 02/12/2016 09:34

Dh will be fine by Sunday afternoon. He paces himself and doesn't go mental on the drink.
I could take the DCs if I had to but one has ADHD and ODD and the other is in full blown toddler stage. I think I'd end up stressing grandma out more than anything!

It seems MN is divided too. I still can't decide if it's unreasonable or not.

OP posts:
lilyb84 · 02/12/2016 09:34

I should add while I don't think YABU it does sound like your sister is quite upset by the situation, is she particularly close to your gran or is there something else going on? I'd stick to your guns, don't make a big deal about it but be nice to her as it sounds like she's very stressed. And Flowers for all of you and your gran! Hope she's well again soon.

Jellybean83 · 02/12/2016 09:36

No big deal, she will still have plenty visitors and it's only the one day you're not seeing her, your sister is being totally unreasonable.

pictish · 02/12/2016 09:38

Well I don't think yabu at all. You've been there to visit her and you will be there again. Life doesn't stop occurring because someone is in hospital in a stable condition. Confused

WeedlesHatOfDisappointment · 02/12/2016 09:38

I'm with you OP. It's one day out of 4. I really don't understand the outrage. She will have your dsis visit on the saturday. If she is stable, it's fine.

And I also wouldn't take my children to visit in hospital, as I'd spend the whole time making sure they were behaving, rather than spending time with the person I was supposed to be seeing.
Hope your grandma gets better soon OP.Flowers

Blobby10 · 02/12/2016 09:39

I'm with you OP - If you are seeing her 3 days out of 4 then thats plenty! It doesn't matter WHY you cant go on the 4th day, you cant. And if your grandma is having visitors every day then thats fine in my book.

QuintessentialShadow · 02/12/2016 09:39

Whats with the dramatic sweary headline there, OP?

You'd think it was something really shocking, not just an old lady not getting a specific visitor on one day of the weekend, a hairdressing appointment and a man who overindulges with 20 hours of drinking.

Perspective? You are an adult, you have a husband and children. And you still have your grandma.

All mine died when I was 16 (except my dads father, he died when my dad was 7)

I take it your sister is much much younger than you, visits her grandma daily, and is really scare of losing her.

Try calmly reasoning with her, will get you further than being livid and swearing.

Original poster
ragingsister · 02/12/2016 09:40

lilyb84 their relationship has its ups and downs. She visits grandma once every few months.
I'm very close with grandma and visit her once a week.

OP posts:
Sparlklesilverglitter · 02/12/2016 09:40

I am not with your sister. I don't see the problem.

Your DH goes out and has a good time with these friends once a year, you saw your grandmother last night and will see her Sunday afternoon. It's not like you wound be bothering to visit your grandmother.

I would leave things as they are OP

Enkopkaffetak · 02/12/2016 09:40

I dont see the big deal. You saw her yesterday and will see her again Sunday?

Sounds fine to me. Tell sis you are available Sunday and if she goes Saturday then all is well. If SIS goes on about your dh going out tell her that is none of her business.

pictish · 02/12/2016 09:41

And what rightsofwomen said as well.

"It would negatively affect my view of your husband though, and I can hold a grudge for ever."

Good for you. I'd see that as your problem and think you could eff bloody oh with that bullshit.

Allthebestnamesareused · 02/12/2016 09:41

But you're having your roots done Saturday so who is having the kids then?

I understand that it is difficult to get hair appointments but as DH is away where will the kids be? Can that person not have them on Saturday?

Who is having sister's kids on Saturday or if she doesn't have any maybe she can look after them in the corridor and you take turns.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 02/12/2016 09:41

Are your family the type that want someone constantly there during visiting hours? So they've divvied them up and see you as avoiding Saturday morning for a haircut and Saturday afternoon/evening for your husbands drinking, and then Sunday morning for him to recover?

I know some families like that and they'd think it was unacceptable to make someone else cover your whole day or leave the person with no one.

If not, this doesn't seem to make much sense unless your sister generally believes that you don't pull your weight.

I do think it's all in the framing, too - we already have plans on Saturday, I've got an appointment and DP has a Christmas party sounds better than I'm having my hair dyed and DP is going on a bender, although just "we have plans" would have left even less room to argue.

I wouldn't stress over it. It's decided, everyone will get over it. Just make sure DH has a safe and quick way home if gran deteriorates or you've got someone else capable of looking after the kids, I suppose. It'd be really awful timing and hopefully you won't need it but it's good to have plans.

PsychologicalSaline · 02/12/2016 09:41

All family members can't go every day for the entirety of visiting hours - just think of the chaos that would cause on the wards. YANBU - 3 days out of 4 is good going, especially if you grandma is getting other visitors on the day you are not going.

Original poster
ragingsister · 02/12/2016 09:41

Ok I feel a bit better now, thank you everyone.
Quint it was DSIS that was being sweary and enraged. I didn't bite back.

OP posts: