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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be gutted that my parents didn't help me with a deposit?

145 replies

malificent7 · 01/12/2016 09:40

I know aibu but would like to winge anyway.

My dad has paid off his mortgage and has substantial savings. I got a modest inheritance but as it was over 16, 000 my tax credits stopped and i had to spend it on living.

I feel quite jealous of those whose parents help them out. Mind you, I have only just landed a permanent job after a few years of zero hours contract. So its understandable he didnt wang to invest.

I think i

OP posts:

Original poster

malificent7 · 01/12/2016 09:45

I think its just his attitude tgat hurt ne. Some parents will go out if gheir way to help their kids get on the ladder whilst my dad just said "well noone can get a house nowadays. "

My friend said that my dad could afford to buy me a house when the reality is that he hates lending me a tenner.

Must work harder i guess to save.

OP posts:

OhhBetty · 01/12/2016 09:46

You'll probably get people telling you you're entitled so brace yourself!

I felt jealous when my parents gave my sister 10 grand and me and my younger sister nothing. But at the end of the day it was their money to use as they wished and it was that much sweeter when I achieved it without help. To be fair I got over it quite quickly. I'm a big believer in feeling how you feel, embracing it then letting it go.

16,000 is also an awful lot! It's time to let it go now and move forward

CharlieCoCo · 01/12/2016 09:48

Think of how rewarding it will feel when you have a home that you saved for completely by yourself.
when I buy a place, my deposit will be all from my savings, no one is in the position to give me money, nor do I expect it. if I want something I work to buy it.

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 01/12/2016 09:50

£16k or more is a deposit in its own right is it not? It was your choice to use it to live.

Your friend has a cheek. Your Dad can do what he wants with HIS money. Like you did with your money (which was really not a 'modest' amount - it would be life changing for a lot of people) .

And yes, I'm happy to be the first person to intimate you may be somewhat Entitled.

AndNowItsSeven · 01/12/2016 09:52

Inheritance doesn't stop tax credits? How did that happen?

Sidge · 01/12/2016 09:54

If you got an inheritance (who from? I assume not your dad as he's alive) over 16 grand why didn't you spend it on a deposit for a place instead of relying on your parent to bail you out?

Wanting your dad to buy you a house and being disgruntled that your tax credits stopped because you had £16k plus in the bank just makes you sound like a spoilt brat.

You're an adult (I assume). So behave like one and work and save like the rest of us do.

JackShit · 01/12/2016 09:54

16 large? Yep, YABU.

AndNowItsSeven · 01/12/2016 09:56

Tax credits don't stop if you have inheritance, only interest above £300 on savings is classed as income.
Op if you closed you own claim that was very silly.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 01/12/2016 09:56

I think on balance yabu, a bit.

What is your dad's pension position?

In among all the Baby Boomer Bashing that goes on on Mumsnet, most people under 40 appear to have conveniently forgotten that those in the generation above them have lost thousands and thousands from their supposedly secure pension funds and other financial packages through absolutely no fault of their own. So a lot of them do have to be careful to keep hold of enough of their equity to see them through retirement and into old age.

Crisscrosscranky · 01/12/2016 09:56

£16,000 is not a modest inheritance - most people never inherit that and if they do it's often much later in life when parents pass away. YABU

kissmethere · 01/12/2016 09:58

How did your inheritance stop your tax credits I don't understand that?
It's a good wad if money so why didn't you put it towards a deposit instead if hoping your dad would?

MrsJayy · 01/12/2016 10:00

16k is not modest amount you could have used it as part deposit you could have got somebody to invest it im sorry yabu these parents who give deposits are rare in my world

MrsJayy · 01/12/2016 10:01

If you have savings of over 8k (i think) you lose benefits.

Serialweightwatcher · 01/12/2016 10:03

It sounds like your father gave you quite a sum over £16,000 when he sold his house and therefore you had more than £16,000 in your bank which stopped your tax credits - however much he gave, why didn't you immediately put it down as a deposit and then it would have been gone and you could have continued to claim, holding on to less than £16,000?

LottieDoubtie · 01/12/2016 10:04

Mine too. My perfectly loving and 'normal' parents are moderately well off and they wouldn't dream of handing out masses of cash/giving us a house deposit and I wouldn't expect them too.

Adults make their own way.

If I was homeless they'd take me in of course I'm not suggesting heartlessness but handing out wedges of cash? No chance.

user1480182169 · 01/12/2016 10:05

So you have at least one living parent, 16 thousand pounds (which you treat as if it were a tenner), and a permanent job.

My heart bleeds for you.

snowinafrica16 · 01/12/2016 10:05

my dad has a thing about rewarding children that have helped themselves. Maybe talk to him about whether he'd be willing to help out once you've held down your new permanent job for 2 years? It's not fair but I can understand his position - he worked 6-7 days per week to save that money for years, and if he gave it to me and I wasted it or didn't appreciate it, he'd be very upset.

misscarlar · 01/12/2016 10:05

You lose things like housing benefit and job seekers but not tax credits. Unless the interest on the savings takes you over the income threshold.

CremeEggThief · 01/12/2016 10:06

Serialweightwatcher · 01/12/2016 10:07

Sorry but was also going to say he is probably trying to teach you to be sensible with money as I presume he himself has been, considering he is now in a very comfortable position - I assume he worked for it all and is therefore wanting you to learn that way instead of just being given everything and not having the tools to know how to save and budget maybe??

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 01/12/2016 10:08

I think that if you want to use your dad's money to buy yourself a house, you at least need to do the decent thing and wait until he's passed away!

You have had one inheritance and it sounds likely that you'll be in for another handsome sum when your dad dies (owns home, no mortgage, considerable savings etc.) If you're unable to save for your own deposit in the meantime (and with an income low enough to qualify for TC, I can completely understand how that might be impossible) - you will have to wait to inherit in the usual way I'm afraid.

Original poster

malificent7 · 01/12/2016 10:08

My dad told me i had to declare it and when you do all tax credits stopped. Well housing benefit did.
He was positively evangelical about how i needed to declare it or otherwise i would get in trouble.

He has always been very careful withmoney but also controlling. I think he might have been financually abusive. He gave her a hard time when she had to give up work due to illness then she found out about his savings.

He tool control of my inheritance and dished it out when i needed it. I got depressed and spent it.
He who prides himself on financial capability gave me no advice but my fault.

It is very hard to save as a single mum in a zero hour contract.

OP posts:

MrsJayy · 01/12/2016 10:08

Oh right well the op must have declared savings or something

thisisafakename · 01/12/2016 10:09

So you were helped out? You got at least 16,000 but spent it on living expenses because your benefits stopped? How do you see that as not being helped out? Also, if you were working for years on zero hours contracts, how would you have got a mortgage?

Are you on your own? If you have a partner, perhaps your parents secretly don't particularly like/trust him and would rather leave their money to their grandchildren (ie your dc) when they die than benefit him. That is not terribly uncommon. Alternatively, they might feel that they want to enjoy retirement and intend to leave money to you in their will, so do not want to part with it now (especially as you have already been given a substantial amount of cash).

Can I also ask what you did with the 16k once your tax credits started again? I can understand that you spent it on living when the benefits were stopped, but what about afterwards?

Original poster

malificent7 · 01/12/2016 10:09

Also rent us very high. I went to several mortgage advisors but the sums didnt add up.

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