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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be gutted that my parents didn't help me with a deposit?

145 replies

malificent7 · 01/12/2016 09:40

I know aibu but would like to winge anyway.

My dad has paid off his mortgage and has substantial savings. I got a modest inheritance but as it was over 16, 000 my tax credits stopped and i had to spend it on living.

I feel quite jealous of those whose parents help them out. Mind you, I have only just landed a permanent job after a few years of zero hours contract. So its understandable he didnt wang to invest.

I think i

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 01/12/2016 10:40

Plenty of people do get help from their parents, yes, but it is unreasonable to expect it.

glitterandtinsel · 01/12/2016 10:40

Supply teaching is much easier as you don't have all the politics and paperwork . Although it can be hit and miss which days you work. But it pays well.
I was a teacher and would never go back.

Sixisthemagicnumber · 01/12/2016 10:42

Are you expecting you dad to buy you a house in its entirety (ie. You don't want a mortgage)?
If that is what you are expecting then YABU because you are an adult and it is a huge expectation to expect somebody to but you a house. Most adults work hard and buy their own houses or accept that they can't afford to buy and then they rent a house
If you are only expecting your dad to provide a deposit then YABU also because you don't have a steady enough job to consider taking a mortgage on (if anybody would even let you have one). What would happen if you got a mortgage and then lost your job?
Answer: you would end up homeless.

Your dad shouldn't be controlling your money and dishing it out in small quantities but given your apparent lack of financial awareness I am not surprised he felt it necessary to do this.

thisisafakename · 01/12/2016 10:44

Plenty of peoples parents DO help though but i think they are the exception rather than the rule or not?

Help out with WHAT though? Unless they buy you a flat/house outright, it won't make a difference because you can't get a mortgage. You are unlikely to get anything except a very small mortgage on a TA salary, so what precisely are you wanting your parents to do?

Also, re only having £300 left, your benefits would have started again once you dropped below £16,000 and would have been at full rate once you dropped below £6,000. Plus you say you never actually got the lump sum, so how could it have had an impact?

Sixisthemagicnumber · 01/12/2016 10:45

My friend said that my dad could afford to buy me a house when the reality is that he hates lending me a tenner

Just realised she is expecting her dad to buy her a house. There is no mention of her dad helping her with a deposit, she wants him to just buy her a house outright Shock

Manumission · 01/12/2016 10:46

More than £16k inheritance would have been a massive help here.

Lots of us don't get given help. It's character forming! Grin

Vixxfacee · 01/12/2016 10:47

I can't even get a text on my birthday from my mum..

pinkmagic1 · 01/12/2016 10:48

My dad is also very comfortable but I never expected a penny. I brought my own house and everything I have, I have purchased myself. Never crossed my mind to rely on the bank of mum and dad.

Original poster
malificent7 · 01/12/2016 10:48

Of course i dont ant him to buy me a house outright.... that would be just nuts!!!

OP posts:
MadHattersWineParty · 01/12/2016 10:48

Blimey, I don't know why I didn't think of it before! I'm going to phone my Dad at the weekend and just ask him to buy me a house. I don't have one, my rent is really high and my wages don't go that far.

It's only right that he should 'help' me right, the tight old git Hmm

user1471950254 · 01/12/2016 10:49

I'm confused. You've stated your poor mental health meant you has little financial acumen. Yet you've also stated that your Dad was financially controlling and dished out your inheritance.

Perhaps the two are linked i.e. your Dad didn't want the money to be frittered away?

pregnantat50 · 01/12/2016 10:50

your feelings are not about money its more to do with your feelings towards your father. You say he was financially abusive towards your mother, maybe there is more to this story.

I do understand a little bit. Sometimes others share their tales of how they were gifted money to help out etc and in my case my parents bought my sister a 3 bed semi when her relationship broke down, however when mine did the same 10 years later, I lost my home and had to do it all myself. Sometimes life feels unfair but I agree with the person on here who said to feel these feelings and then let them go, they will only make you harm yourself by becoming bitter xx

Trifleorbust · 01/12/2016 10:50

So what do/did you expect? You can't afford a mortgage, you aren't willing to take on a higher paying job (fair enough), you are reliant on housing benefit (or should be, as the inheritance is gone)... What help would a deposit be to you? This makes no sense at all.

Sixisthemagicnumber · 01/12/2016 10:52

Well you say it is nuts but it is less nuts than expecting to get a mortgage when you have a very small and unstable income. TBH, if I was your dad I wouldnt help you to buy a house either as you don't seem to have the financial awareness skills that are required to maintain mortgage payments, nor do you have suitable employment.

Crispbutty · 01/12/2016 10:53

Op says her inheritance was OVER 16k.. Confused

Original poster
malificent7 · 01/12/2016 10:54

I think you are right user but it happened anyway... alrhough i wouldnt call it frittered..i did a lot of useful things with the cash and created memories/ holidays with dd.

I have taught in private schools.... was awful, worse than state school and got bullied out by badly begaved students and no means to dicipline them.

Have done supply but mot regular enough. Id live to retrain as a radiographer but would hold me back even more financially until i qualify.

Will not be a TA forever but need regular work now.

I do apprechiate my dad and like i said... i know im being unreasonable but hopefully things will get better soon financially.

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 01/12/2016 10:57

created memories/ holidays with dd.

And that's fine, OP, but that was the choice you made - save for a deposit OR go on holiday(s). Lots of people would say that IS frittering away money, because they prioritise long-term financial security over holidays.

Original poster
malificent7 · 01/12/2016 10:58

Other useful things included a car so i could get to work. I paid for a course to retrain as a legal secretary when i got bullied out of the private school but i couldnt finish it as had to get a ft job to pay for living etc.

I know the flaming will keep coming even though i gave admitted i am being unreasonable but whatever... makes for good reading!

OP posts:
Sixisthemagicnumber · 01/12/2016 10:59

I'm just wondering what DH would say if I suggest that we stop paying the mortgage for the next 12 months so we can use the money to make some family memories and have some holidays.......

Trifleorbust · 01/12/2016 11:02

I'm not saying you wasted £16k, but you made choices, that's all.

thisisafakename · 01/12/2016 11:04

Of course i dont ant him to buy me a house outright.... that would be just nuts!!!

So explain what you expect then. A lump sum for a deposit would be of no use. You have already had one and spent it. What should your dad do?

kaelea · 01/12/2016 11:13

You "feel quite jealous of those whose parents help them out"

I feel quite jealous of those with parents .. having had none.
Nor will I ever get 16k to spend in an inheritance.

some people don't realise just how lucky they are

Themoreitsnowstiddlypom · 01/12/2016 11:13

Expecting your Dad to buy you a house outright would be nuts would it?

Yes, but so is expecting help in the first place, help is given by people because they want to help you, not because they feel obliged to or because its what others do.
Its your Dads money, I bet it took years of hard work and careful saving to get where he is, so yes he has a bit of a right to be a bit tight and controlling with it. Cut to bloke some slack, either graft like made and earn it and save it or graciously accept that times have changed, it is hard and just get on with it.

brasty · 01/12/2016 11:14

£16,000 is a lot to inherit.
AIBU to be jealous of people who inherit £16,000?

Olympiathequeen · 01/12/2016 11:14

I think your dad is quite a nasty piece of work with the comments he makes so I understand your resentment there, but of course it's U to expect parents to help you buy a house until you have proved you are financially savvy.

It's a pity your gran didn't live a bit longer until you had a full time job and a chance of buying a house. Would have been a good deposit.