To be gutted that my parents didn't help me with a deposit?

[malificent7]

I know aibu but would like to winge anyway.

My dad has paid off his mortgage and has substantial savings. I got a modest inheritance but as it was over 16, 000 my tax credits stopped and i had to spend it on living.

I feel quite jealous of those whose parents help them out. Mind you, I have only just landed a permanent job after a few years of zero hours contract. So its understandable he didnt wang to invest.

I think i

I don't think you're being unreasonable OP. Lots of parents help their children with house deposits these days if they have the wherewithal, the price of housing has grown exponentially since your parents bought theirs so without help it's out of reach for today's generation. £16k is very nice but it's certainly not life changing as someone claimed, even less so if it's been declared and therefore reduced your benefit.

£16k is very nice but it's certainly not life changing. OVER 16k can be lifechanging.

I don't know why you see the point. OP was claiming housing benefit so would not have been in a position to buy a house anyway. I have money to give mine when they need it for deposit etc but I'm not going to hand over thousands of pounds when they are in a minimum wage, zero hour contract job and claiming housing benefit. If they work hard towards things themselves then I will be ready and waiting to double the deposit that they raise.

It was £30k
I've seen op state this on another thread

"He tool control of my inheritance and dished it out when i needed it. I got depressed and spent it."

So, you frittered away £16k and are now complaining your father won't give you more? That money could have let you go to uni, do any other course helping you get a better job and support yourself.

I agree that sticking the boot in isn't going to help the OP at this point - I think she has got the message.

OP - I think it would be good for you to put your frustration that the time you had money you couldn't benefit from it to buy a house behind you. You can't change it now.

Don't look to your Dad for answers I suspect you won't find them there. Start my making a budget and identify what you can save and what you need to save to have a safety net and for a deposit.
Consider whether a help to buy isa is right for you.
Set up savings accounts and have money go out on payday to them so you can't spend it by accident.
Make sure you add a bit of spending money into your budget
Plan for big bills so if you know you have a quarterly bill put one third away each month.
You will feel much more settled if you are in control of your money.

The average pensioner now has a higher income than the average worker, and VASTLY more capital.

The OP is a single parent with a poorly paid job. The likelihood is that she, like the majority of other low paid workers in the UK, will never be able to buy a home and will always be poor because of high rental and childcare costs.

Give her a break, seriously. It's hard struggling through life working hard and having no money.

Single parents - women almost all of them - generally have it very hard financially.

"That money could have let you go to uni"

What rubbish. The OP has a child. That money would last about 9 months paying living costs, rent and childcare.

Most people's living costs pan out at AT LEAST 2k a month of you take housing costs and f/t childcare costs into account.

i think the point is more that op doesn't have a consistent work history in one profession that she's planning to stick in. She started and abandoned training to switch away from teaching into something else, is now a TA but that doesn't seem permanent. TBH, if I were her parent I'd be trying to support her get a sensible permanent job that she could stick with and start from there.

Thanks for that info badders. I suspected it must be quite a bit more than 16k but OP obviously wasn't going to say as much because she was already getting a hard time about to being £16k.
30k is a lot of money to have just frittered it away.

It's the idea of £30k ending "modest" I can't get past....
That's a quarter of my outstanding mortgage!

This will sound horrible but it's not meant to be. I think he has a point considering how fast you burned through £16k. Some people can't manage money they haven't worked hard for in some capacity. Maybe you'll have better luck managing your own money? It might help to maintain a spreadsheet to track all of your outgoings to get the exact amount of disposable income you have

I dont understand why you think he;s being unreasonable.

If I've got this right, you're an adult, who's capable of working, not good with money, and your dad has always been frugal and saved...right? Ten why should he pay your house deposit? Why do you feel so entitled?

Op you said your dad took control of your inheritance, apologies but skimmed through and cant see why he did this? How much did he give you?

I do feel for you. Its not a great situation. If your dad took control for some bizarre reason of your money...when you were old enough to have it ( not sure how he legally did this BTW) then it would have been helpful to give you longer term plan to get deposit together for house if that is what you wanted.

If he seized it then doled out smaller bits I can see why that would make you feel depressed and perhaps spend these smaller bits on holidays etc! Of course its much easier to do anything when you have two pots of money to go at - ie a partner. You sound like your doing very well however
NoSquirrels Thu 01-Dec-16 11:53:40

I couldn't agree more it depends on how many comrades are on at the time I suppose

I also want to say times are tough at the moment, since CC its been a squeeze on us all, if my dc happen to live through same I will do all I can to help them, life is short.

Its a blink of light between two endless darknesses, I will do all I can to help the dc I bring into the world, enjoy that blink of light.

Well, yes, it would be nice if someone did all the hard work for you and gave you what you want, rather than having to work for it, but that isn't how life works for most people.
Yes, your dad has paid off his mortgage but he has done that by being frugal throughout his life and just because he has done so, doesn't mean he has a lump sum of £15,000 upwards to give to you to use as a deposit. And even if he did, who is to say he has to give it to you? Why shouldn't he spend the money he has earned himself on... himself?
You shall just have to live as most of the rest of us do; working your arse off to get what you need together to do what you want to do. You have already had far more than most by way of your £16,000 inheritance (which could be a £30,000 inheritance, in which case, double my disbelief at your entitlement). You did with that what you chose, you bought a car, went on holiday etc, and that was your choice. Live with it.

Why isn't £16,000 plus a deposit?

all of your dads money is his money - he can do with it what he likes until he dies. if he chooses to spend it so be it.

I don't really get why people look for an inheritance from their parents. I encourage my parents to spend as much of their money as they possibly can to make their lives better. I don't want the money they have worked hard for and saved hard for. anyone who speak of or thinks of their inheritance and complains about it need to give themselves a head wobble.

My parents gave me a deposit for our house. On our joint wages it would have taken us years to save one. We married late and I think my DM guessed that the security of having a permanent base would make thinking of babies far more likely, and she wanted GC.

She was right. Our first child was born just over 2 years later. I don't think I'd have felt safe enough to try drifting from rented place to rented place. I think it's a lot to do with how you are brought up. My parents owned their house so I felt that this was a necessary step to adulthood.

I don't know how the young manage, and feel great sympathy for them. I helped my DSD and her DH towards their deposit and I know most of their friends are still renting.

Preserving as much as I can towards my DCs inheritance is a priority. I'm not planning on spending any more of my capital than I have to, and dread the thought of having to go into some sort of home when I reach that stage.

My DF always says that in families you pay forwards. His DP and my DM's helped them financially starting out, they helped me and I will do my best to help my DC. I, unfortunately, have a pitiful income due to poor health so have no money to give now. I do, however, have a house to sell and will downsize when my DC finally leave home, at which point I hope to be able to help them onto the property ladder.

I think it's a lot to do with how you are brought up. My parents owned their house so I felt that this was a necessary step to adulthood.

Wow, duck before you get flamed.

There are a lot of thirtysomething children of owner occupiers who are nevertheless priced out and they're not content about it.

What are you on about Prawn? My parents own their houses, why would that have ANY effect on how much you would want to buy a house?

My dad wanted to give me 30k once, I said ok can I use it as I wish and he said no. He wanted to put it in my name but with the understanding it was his if he needed it I said no thanks.

I agree with Prawn about paying forwards in families. I pay lots of income tax and NI, quite rightly, and that's how I pay forward to the next generation and society more widely. My house, my personal savings and any other wealth I manage to accumulate from my income and after I've paid all my taxes is mine to dispose of how I want, and helping my family as best I can (without draining them of any motivation of their own) is what I think families should do. And yeah, if you come from a background where your parents view rent as 'dead money' and think property equals stability and a greater chance of prosperity, then that's quite likely to be your aspiration too. Plus the pleasure that people often get from their homes - not much fun planting an apple tree in a garden if you're worried the landlord might evict you. Seems quite simple to me.

Meadows, I know this isn't the point of the thread, but when I was working at a minimum wage, zero hour contract job it was as a carer for people with dementia and I worked VERY hard 6 day's a week, it was Physically and emotionally very difficult. Just because it's minimum wage doesn't mean you aren't doing a decent day's work. fuck talk about twisting things

At NO point did I make ANY comments or judgements suggesting I thought people in that position didn't work hard. What I said was in that situation I would not be giving my children money towards a house deposit. This is because they would not be in a position to buy a fucking house.

Seriously. Fucking context.

She was right. Our first child was born just over 2 years later. I don't think I'd have felt safe enough to try drifting from rented place to rented place. I think it's a lot to do with how you are brought up. My parents owned their house so I felt that this was a necessary step to adulthood.

What's the point of this comment Prawn? If it's that your parents bought you a house because you weren't adult enough to do it yourself then I'd probably agree, but then I come from a poor family and so had to rely on managing my own money to buy my house.