To think this was unfair and unprofessional of my sons teacher?

[burgundyandgoldleaves]

My son is nine and in Year 5.

Over the years my husband has made a bit of a name for himself I daresay and has complained about various things. (I've told him not to.)

Today, DS got into a bit of trouble - nothing hugely major, he was, along with others, somewhere he shouldn't have been at lunch time. There was some rubbish in this room that they weren't responsible for. The teacher came in and started shouting at the boys for leaving the mess. DS tried to tell her they weren't responsible and the teacher shouted at him not to interrupt (fine) and "send your dad in if you're not happy, I don't care!"

AIBU or is the latter part of this statement quite unfair? DS was pretty embarrassed and I'm now trying to work this so he doesn't tell his dad!

Thanks, Potnoodle

limited the op doesn't have to agree with you.

You don't have a teacher problem, you have a DH problem. Okay, so maybe she wasn't super professional, but your DH sounds like a prize twat. Just tell your son he shouldn't be answering back and leave it the hell alone.

The problem is, that people haven't really reassured me here.

I have been told repeatedly and by teachers that yes, they probably do dislike my DS, that they cannot be blamed for this and should not be held responsible for what comes out of their mouths because of an over-zealous parent.

Seriously?

Yes burgundy I think posters are entirely missing the point...

If you want to handle this at all, the very best way that you can do it is by having a quiet word with the teacher and being totally honest. Explain that you know that sometimes DP/DH (can't remember which, sorry) can deal with situations in a more heavy handed and formal way than is necessary, but that he cares a great deal
About his son's education and wellbeing, and that her comment upset DS. Explain that you all understand ds shouldn't have been where he was at lunchtime and that you've had a word with him about this.

Personally speaking, it really upsets me when I have to deal with 'arrogant' parents who question every tiny decision I make, and I go home and agonise about it the same way that you're agonising over the comment towards DS.

I'm sorry you feel like that, turkey, and I can understand it. You have my sympathy.

And I can assure you most adult rational teachers do not take it out on the child in question if they think their parent is a twat.

Op have you ever watched educating Essex/Yorkshire/east end etc.....the kids paint a whiter than white picture to mummy and daddy, complaining they are picked on and treated badly by the teachers but are back chatting little shits in school, trust nothing you didn't whitness yourself

burgundy but ,,,, putting the throwaway comment to one side, it was a normal telling off surely?

I would just start afresh, not make a fuss about the telling off, and deal with the school yourself from now on.

If - if my son is a "back chatting little shit" I would expect to be told to be honest.

It wasn't really a normal telling off, though, was it? She singled my son out, she ridiculed him in front of his peers and she made her opinion of his father clear, which may be justified but unprofessional to do to a nine year old.

What actual punishment has your ds received which is solely attributable to your dh being a dick, as opposed to the punishment he received for being somewhere he wasn't supposed to be and answering back?

Nothing you have said indicates he has been punished disproportionately. The comment was an unfortunate 'aside' but not really worthy of anything, except to emphasise to your dh that his attitude to his child's teachers has been massively disrespectful.

God - you can't go in to complain that a teacher made a comment your husband is always complaining

I think with schools you need to pick your battles and you and your dh probably need to learn that

You should ignore a lot of these posts OP. When there is the potential to read an OP in the worst light possible, it seems to be irresistible to some.

There is nothing to suggest your DS is a trouble maker. This teacher seems to be mindful of the possibility of parental involvement when she deals with your son and that pisses her off. She's clearly the kind of person who doesn't like being interfered with and speaks hastily. If you say anything, you will have interfered further and she won't be happy. Calling her on this could exacerbate the problem.

But what she said was not on. It was a rather low dig to make to a 9 year old and, if done often, has the potentially serious consequence of making him and other children frightened to divulge school events to their parents in case it is subsequently implied that they're tale-telling and manipulative. It's also offering your son up to bullies on a platter.

In your shoes, I would have a friendly word and say, 'Look, I'm sorry my DP has got on your nerves but I'd appreciate it if you didn't imply that my son is telling tales and trying to get his dad to intervene for him. It's not the case and it upsets him that people seem to think so.'

Her hands will be tied. If there is a repeat of this after your conversation, it will look like she's point scoring in a most unprofessional manner, which she will know unless she's a fool.

Personally, I'd do it for the reasons above. Zero tolerance on bullying and all that.

Well - I want to agree, but I feel it was totally inappropriate.

I'm not going in all guns blazing, but I'm not just letting it go either. Dad won't be going in, but Mum will :)

he teacher came in and started shouting at the boys for leaving the mess. DS tried to tell her they weren't responsible and the teacher shouted at him not to interrupt (fine) and "send your dad in if you're not happy, I don't care!"

That was it. All the boys were shouted at, not just your DS. She told him not to interrupt and yes she shouldn't have said about your DH, but really it was a nothing in my book. Apart from the comment all boys were treated equally

Thanks, slender, that's the angle I'll go in with :)

The teachers don't dislike your DS OP.

The problem is, that people haven't really reassured me here. Seriously, op? You're never going to get it, are you? How tedious you sound.
You and your DH appear to be quite well matched, actually.

Well, that's good to know derxa

No, I'm not tedious, flogging, but I don't particularly want my nine year old to be threatened either.

OP - really just let this one go. You'll both become 'those parents'. Like it or not teachers are humans too and parents that make their lives unnecessarily difficult are irritating. Your son was wrong - support the school and tell him he shouldn't be in the wrong room wi ding teachers up.

I think you may be reading 'her opinion of his father' into it. Her opinion isn't clear at all. Several teachers have said they say similar things about parents and it's not been pejorative. I think that you, with your opinion of your DH, may be in a tricky situation to judge what she meant. You're still reading a lot into this that isn't known and using that one ambiguous line to focus on the perceived 'ridicule' over and above the fact that your DS was in the wrong and the teacher was understandably pissed off.

Dad won't be going in, but Mum will
Yes, there's a pair of you in it, for sure.

That's why asking is surely a good idea, pink.

OP you do know that both you and your dh are 'that' parent don't you?

You are doing your credibility no end of harm. Seriously leave it. Anything else is disproportionate. Your ds and some other kids were naughty. They all got told off. End of.