Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To think this was unfair and unprofessional of my sons teacher?

838 replies

burgundyandgoldleaves · 28/11/2016 15:50

My son is nine and in Year 5.

Over the years my husband has made a bit of a name for himself I daresay and has complained about various things. (I've told him not to.)

Today, DS got into a bit of trouble - nothing hugely major, he was, along with others, somewhere he shouldn't have been at lunch time. There was some rubbish in this room that they weren't responsible for. The teacher came in and started shouting at the boys for leaving the mess. DS tried to tell her they weren't responsible and the teacher shouted at him not to interrupt (fine) and "send your dad in if you're not happy, I don't care!"

AIBU or is the latter part of this statement quite unfair? DS was pretty embarrassed and I'm now trying to work this so he doesn't tell his dad!

OP posts:
mouldycheesefan · 28/11/2016 18:40

Ffs do not raise it with the teacher, grow some common sense and move on.
Op: why did you say to my son that you didn't care if his dad came to school
Teacher: because his dad is a total wanker constantly up Here complaining in a twattish manner. Lo and behold, you have joined him!

Potnoodlewilld0 · 28/11/2016 18:40

Yep the teacher has an issue with your Dh. She should be able to keep them from your ds while he is in school rather than them leaking out.

I teach sports to children and would never speak to one of my pupils like that. She was basically calling your ds/Dh out and inviting trouble.

She was unprofessional and she would get actually get told about it if you complained

Original poster
burgundyandgoldleaves · 28/11/2016 18:41

I wasn't envisioning the conversation following that line of thought, moudly

OP posts:
midcenturymodern · 28/11/2016 18:41

Sounds like a complete non event. The teacher doesn't care if your son's Dad goes in again. Are you really going to go in and say I don't care that you don't care....
Your ds did something wrong and was told off. She shouldn't have dragged his Dad into it but his dad shouldn't have spent the past 5 years making such a nuisance of himself that when your son is making a nuisance of himself then his Dad is popping up in her head. She was probably thinking 'Oh God, it's minirestingbitchface. I'm gonna have mrbitchface to deal with now.' She shouldn't have been but it's hardly her fault that she was.

TheFallenMadonna · 28/11/2016 18:42

It must be really hard. And the teacher is possibly more likely to change her behaviour (this one incident?) than your DH is his?

Potnoodlewilld0 · 28/11/2016 18:42

And it's not ok to belittle any one your supposed to looking after/teaching.

Roussette · 28/11/2016 18:43

Well..... take away 'steaming in' from all your dealing of your DH with the school and it still doesn't look good. Does he listen to you when you suggest he drops it?

AmIImaginingThis · 28/11/2016 18:44

Sounds as though the teacher thinks your DS asks your husband to step in on his behalf over things.

ThanksSpanx · 28/11/2016 18:45

If you're otherwise pretty happy with the school then maybe try to redress the balance a bit and not go in on this occasion.
I'd be furious with my DH if our family had a bad relationship with my DDs school/teachers because he didn't treat staff there politely and with respect.

Potnoodlewilld0 · 28/11/2016 18:45

I'd go in and speak to the head teacher and say something along the lines off ' I'd prefer it if xxx teacher could keep her private opinions about my husband to herself rather than drag ds in to them'

hollieberrie · 28/11/2016 18:45

This is such a non-issue OP. Don't say anything, seriously. I'm a teacher, "those" parents are infuriating. And their poor kids - its embarrassing and the children are not learning important life skills if they think Mum or Dad is going to come charging in and save them every time something doesn't go their way. Your DS was in the wrong. All 3 of you just need to suck it up. Save your complaints for when something serious actually happens.

lilyboleyn · 28/11/2016 18:46

It sounds to me a comment made by someone who is really fed up of constant narking and unpleasantness. I've heard a colleague say similar and it popped out because she felt so harassed and abused by this particular parent.
No, not professional, but probably at the end of his/her rag and feeling very targeted by your husband.

FloodMud · 28/11/2016 18:47

I'd go in and speak to the head teacher and say something along the lines off ' I'd prefer it if xxx teacher could keep her private opinions about my husband to herself rather than drag ds in to them'

Really, really don't do this. If you do this you will make the entire family look ridiculous.

Potnoodlewilld0 · 28/11/2016 18:47

Sounds as though the teacher thinks your DS asks your husband to step in on his behalf

Who cares? The ds is a child, the teacher is supposed to be an unbiased adult. regardless if one of the parents is a tit. It's nasty

Original poster
burgundyandgoldleaves · 28/11/2016 18:48

Rousette, DH cares enormously about our children and that they are happy and well adjusted at school.

He didn't have anybody "fighting his corner" when he was younger. He also does, unfortunately, have an arrogant streak and these things combined means he is often misguided in how he approaches situations.

Our DS was sat near to some boys who were being unkind to him, stealing his pencils, kicking him under the desk, teasing him. I would have politely asked if he could be moved. DH insisted on meeting with the teacher, demanding to know why DS was put there in the first place, asking rhetorical questions, saying it was a misguided idea. On and on and on. It was totally not needed but it came from a good place. This is how he approaches the situations with the school. Too much, too strong.

Like I say - he is at least involved in and cares about his children's education.

OP posts:
FloodMud · 28/11/2016 18:50

why DS was put there in the first place, asking rhetorical questions, saying it was a misguided idea. On and on and on

This is aggressive. You don't need to shout or even raise your voice to be aggressive.

2014newme · 28/11/2016 18:50

Cringe.
Don't go into school. Get some perspective.

Topseyt · 28/11/2016 18:50

Stop telling your DH anything school related. Given no ammunition he might have little cause to keep going into school and sneering at staff.

Potnoodlewilld0 · 28/11/2016 18:50

Why would it flood? If one of my colleagues said that to one of the kids we teach we teach it wouldnt go down well. It's unfair what she said to him. What his dad does is nothing to do with the child.

She is supposed to be unbiased.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 28/11/2016 18:51

Like I say - he is at least involved in and cares about his children's education.

But the net effect of his modus operandi could be worse for his son than some laissez faire parent who never darkens the school's door.

hollieberrie · 28/11/2016 18:51

Oh god, it gets worse. You poor DS. Nice role model your DH is proving to be for him Hmm

Seachangeshell · 28/11/2016 18:53

Pot noodle. You are wrong about this advice. The most likely thing to happen is that the head will start to think the OP is one of 'those parents ' as well. They used to be a teacher too and know exactly what it's like.
Fucking hell, it's shit being a teacher sometimes.

FasterThanASnakeAndAMongoose · 28/11/2016 18:54

If your son was somewhere he shouldn't be and was breaking the rules and yet your husband is constantly complaining to the school, that teacher is probably rightfully annoyed. Instead of arguing about the rubbish, your son should be feeling sheepish about breaking the rules and being in that room. why do you consider his poor behaviour to not be a big deal and the teacher's comment to be a big deal? It would be annoying if the child of a parent who was constantly complaining was actually being naughty; that teacher was probably at the end of their tether!

^This.

I'm a teacher and can just imagine this situation. Your son was breaking a rule by being in the room. He knew this, and he still broke the rule.

Who left the mess is irrelevant. If he hadn't been where he shouldn't have been, he wouldn't have been blamed for the mess would he? Risk he took when he broke the rule, although it may well have been his mess.

I think he's been economical with the truth about the whole incident. The teacher's comment makes no sense unless it was in response to something. Maybe he was back chatting about the mess, when he should have been apologising for being in the room.

The teacher is not the problem here. No, she shouldn't have said it, but she's human. Speak to your son about breaking the rules and I would strongly advise your dh to pick his battles.

ThanksSpanx · 28/11/2016 18:55

Would your son usually tell you if he'd been in trouble?
It seems unusual that he'd confess to his behaviour unless he thought by 'telling on his teacher' his dad would pop down to school to sort her out.
Are you concerned your DH's lack of respect for yours DS teachers might have influenced your sons behaviour either at school or home?

Trifleorbust · 28/11/2016 18:55

DH insisted on meeting with the teacher, demanding to know why DS was put there in the first place, asking rhetorical questions, saying it was a misguided idea. On and on and on.

God, he sounds unbearable. How often has this happened?

Swipe left for the next trending thread