To think this was unfair and unprofessional of my sons teacher?

[burgundyandgoldleaves]

My son is nine and in Year 5.

Over the years my husband has made a bit of a name for himself I daresay and has complained about various things. (I've told him not to.)

Today, DS got into a bit of trouble - nothing hugely major, he was, along with others, somewhere he shouldn't have been at lunch time. There was some rubbish in this room that they weren't responsible for. The teacher came in and started shouting at the boys for leaving the mess. DS tried to tell her they weren't responsible and the teacher shouted at him not to interrupt (fine) and "send your dad in if you're not happy, I don't care!"

AIBU or is the latter part of this statement quite unfair? DS was pretty embarrassed and I'm now trying to work this so he doesn't tell his dad!

You and your DH are giving the school endless shit the fact after people told you to leave it, that it was a non issue but you went ahead anyway demonstrates your just as bad as your DH

You see, I'm sorry - I've tried to be polite but what I'm getting from this thread is:

Never go in, ask a friendly and / or polite question, never ask for clarification, never.

If you do, you will be laughed at in the staff room forevermore and your child will be hated.

I don't think the above is accurate at all, but that seems to be what some are claiming.

In every case, DH was right to raise things with the school. It was the arrogant arsey way he did it that has probably got them knowing he is a 'difficult' parent. It doesn't mean the points he was making shouldn't have been made at all.

Yes... and I said about 'his approach' as opposed to the fact he went in, in the first place.

Rousette

I know we have differing views on here but I still respect yours.

I wasn't referring to your posts with my 17:25 one.

DH - well, he is arrogant and he does think he knows everything and he is pompous and overbearing at times.

If it was the first time anything had been raised or an issue had been discussed it's different but your DH has bombarded the school and in your own words been a dick. He has no right to get Arsey or arrogant with them.

But its not once in 5 years is it? Your DH has been in a couple of times a year!

I wish you all the luck in world seeing your future grandchildren. You might think you're different to DH but you're not. Really not.

Of course he's the talk of the staff room he sounds like a bully tbh why did you split in the first place?

No, I agree. No arguments from me there. What I do resent is the implication that because I am married to an arse I can't ask a polite question myself!

Because you were siding with your DH instead of accepting your little Angel hadn't been an angel that day!

Mrscarrot

You are just showing how little you understand from the thread.

Fair enough burgundy.

I do think that he will have to rein himself in when your DS gets to secondary though.

Not at all.

I said DS was wrong to be in the classroom.

I said the teacher was right to have told him off for being there.

I said DS was wrong to interrupt.

I said the teacher was right to have pulled him up on that.

I said the teacher was wrong to have brought DH into it.

That's my only (fairly mild, given the teacher's moderate stance) criticism!

He will. IME secondary schools are less petty with some stuff.

He wouldn't have been meantioned had your DH not be a prized prick and going back and forth to the school I still think your DS used your DH compliments agaisnt the teacher

My secondary school wouldn't put up with shit from parents so it would be wise to reign him in

carrot, OP has said time and time again that she accepts her DS was misbehaving, she's made him apologise and said repeatedly, 'fine', in response to his being told off... how the hell did you come to the conclusion that she thinks her kid is a 'little angel'?

Very well done.

Schools are always urging parents to come in and talk, and that is what the OP has done. Surely improving home-school relationships and avoiding misunderstandings are key to ensuring parents and teachers all behave consistently towards children and are aware of any issues?

A composed and reasonable explanation of the effect of the teacher's comments on the OP's son should now have put her in the picture: it was a little crass of her, given the background, and she will now be more sensitive, we might hope. Meanwhile, the OP's manner (which has been nothing but calm throughout this thread) should have gone some way to offsetting the negative impression her DH may have caused.

If after all this, the teacher does choose to mock the OP in the staff room, it says more about her, I'm afraid, than about the OP, who had genuine reasons for concern.

You can't get an appointment when you get to secondary hardly!! You say they are less petty... I would say they come down really hard on stuff and it's not easy to be uninvolved but you have to be. Just my experience of course but it is very different.

PterodactylToenails

I'm surprised that you are not advocating that the teacher gets "a good hard slap"

If you're as pleased with yourself as you seem to be on here about having gone in and raised this "polite" question, then I would suggest you're every bit as arrogant as your husband.

borntohula not guilty, different pp.

sorry

Yabvvvu. There is no way I would be unhappy with what the teacher said. It's true.

burgundy

If you framed the question in that way, you still don't know if everything was said, Your question is leading and the teacher has never given her side of what was said, only that she said x.

I agree, a good result. Of course you should be able to go in with a concern and not be laughed at or your child be disliked. They're professionals and any decent teacher will realise we're concerned about our kids. She was unprofessional and used her power to make her point to your DS. You made your point back and made it clear it was noted so she'll think twice about doing that again. Your son wasn't in a position to stand up for himself so you did. And you did it in a measured and non-fuss way. It's a partnership as schools keep telling us. It takes both sides to make it work. You should never be made to feel you can't say something and sometimes it will seem small to them but to you or a child it can play on your minds. I've met some nice teachers that realise this. We're only human. If done politely what's the problem. They can't be unaccountable. I think what she was was big enough to merit a visit. She flaunted her power and said something she shouldn't have.