To think this was unfair and unprofessional of my sons teacher?

[burgundyandgoldleaves]

My son is nine and in Year 5.

Over the years my husband has made a bit of a name for himself I daresay and has complained about various things. (I've told him not to.)

Today, DS got into a bit of trouble - nothing hugely major, he was, along with others, somewhere he shouldn't have been at lunch time. There was some rubbish in this room that they weren't responsible for. The teacher came in and started shouting at the boys for leaving the mess. DS tried to tell her they weren't responsible and the teacher shouted at him not to interrupt (fine) and "send your dad in if you're not happy, I don't care!"

AIBU or is the latter part of this statement quite unfair? DS was pretty embarrassed and I'm now trying to work this so he doesn't tell his dad!

I just acknowledged that DH was a demanding parent but said I'd really appreciate it if his visits to the school could not be alluded to when dealing with DS.

Maybe teacher has recently had to cope with a number of 'tricky dads' and this had nowt to do with your DH.
It's quite possible you have incorrectly interpreted her comment as a moan about your own DH.

Is that it? How did the teacher take it? Did she acknowledge she said that? This all seems very odd... it's like saying, I know my DH is a twerp and is not good at dealing with you, but can you just ignore him please, because I'm not paying much attention to him either!

What was the teachers 'take' on what happened yesterday?

Sorry, Rousette, I know some people want the teacher to have a nervous breakdown on the spot, but it really wasn't as eventful as all that.

I just said that I believed there had been a small incident yesterday, and made DS apologise. I then sent him out and said that DS had claimed he had been told to bring his dad in. Teacher said yes, she'd had discussions (in other words altercations) with DH previously. I sympathised with her but explained it had come over to DS in the way described here. She agreed she could see how it could be interpreted like that. We wished one another good days. That was it.

Oh well. It'll give them something to giggle about in the staffroom.

Then they really need to start attending a decent comedy club.

So it was a total non-event. The teacher hadn't intended it like that and basically your dh needs to wind his neck in regarding his dealings with school because he's a dick (your words).

If the teacher hadn't mentioned your dh but your ds had still come home quiet and upset would you still have gone into school for an explanation?

No, but that's the point, You

DS was upset because the teacher mentioned his dad.

I'm not sure how you extrapolated 'the teacher hadn't intended it like that' - yes, she did intend it 'like that.' She confirmed it!

DH has behaved like a dick, yes. He has been overly confrontational and demanding in his dealings with the school. Sometimes it's been justified, sometimes not so much. But I am not my DH.

Id really like to know which staff rooms these teachers are in where they laugh at and slag of the kids and parents because I can genuinly say in ten years I've never come across it..

Glad it's all sorted now op.

Thanks, Potnoodle

So mountain out of molehill

I am happy with the result.

I get the feeling some aren't, but it's not their child and not the problem, so to speak.

But I am not my DH

I am glad it has been sorted believe it or not BUT I do think you need to sort your DH's approach in the future - united front an' all that...

p.s. And that's been my stance throughout the thread. Get to grips with your DH and his dealings with the school.

Good luck (and that is not said sarcastically)

I didn't take it as such, don't worry :) I can manage DH.

My ex friend was a primary school teacher they do talk believe me, some of the stuff she used to tell me about parents behaviour
was worse than the kids

I'm sure they do talk, but forgive me if I don't see that was the important part of the issue.

Some teachers really aren't coming across terribly well here.

Some parents aren't coming accross well either...

Well done. (Again not sarcastically). She'll presumably be a bit embarrassed she even mentioned DH now and realise that isn't something to have said to DS direct. That's the easy part done.

Will you ever tell DH what happened?

I'm not the one who has admitted without any shame or remorse to disliking children because of their parents. I feel very sorry for abused children if that is indeed the case. How horrible, to have parents harming you at home and then being shunned at the school as well.

Hoping to avoid that one, Allthebest!

I can handle DH.

They are only human of course they talk if someone talks to you like shit at work all the time then of course your going to talk about it family especially if it's constant. Your one of those parents. I would be ashamed if my DH carried on the way you and your DH have.

One of those parents - once in five years. I see.

You keep saying you can handle your DH but can you? You can't tell him about this for instance in case he goes in so how will you 'handle him' in the future? (I don't expect you to answer because TBH it's probably a bit too personal)

I am only saying this because I cannot begin to imagine what it would have been like if I daren't tell my DH about school issues for fear of what he might do with regards to going into the school. You do not have to comment on that, but really... it is important for the future. (especially when you get to secondary school and a parent really does NOT go in unless it is unavoidable)