To think this was unfair and unprofessional of my sons teacher?

[burgundyandgoldleaves]

My son is nine and in Year 5.

Over the years my husband has made a bit of a name for himself I daresay and has complained about various things. (I've told him not to.)

Today, DS got into a bit of trouble - nothing hugely major, he was, along with others, somewhere he shouldn't have been at lunch time. There was some rubbish in this room that they weren't responsible for. The teacher came in and started shouting at the boys for leaving the mess. DS tried to tell her they weren't responsible and the teacher shouted at him not to interrupt (fine) and "send your dad in if you're not happy, I don't care!"

AIBU or is the latter part of this statement quite unfair? DS was pretty embarrassed and I'm now trying to work this so he doesn't tell his dad!

• what she said I mean not what she was

What I do resent is the implication that because I am married to an arse I can't ask a polite question myself!

Well I think the problem is that you see that you and your husband dealing with things separately but I'd imagine the teachers would think that when he goes in, you've discussed together that he will do that, what he'll say and he's the person of the two of you to deal with it. So I guess they probably don't think it's a one off just because it is for you personally.

If after all this, the teacher does choose to mock the OP in the staff room, it says more about her, I'm afraid, than about the OP, who had genuine reasons for concern There was no report about the actual teacher on this thread mocking the OP.

I would definitely be having a perfectly reasonable, polite word.

With your DH.

It strikes me that you see nothing wrong with stating your case and confronting the issue. But you're going out of your way to keep it from the source of the problem - your DH.

You say that your DH had no-one fighting his corner, and so he's now going to the other extreme for his child.

Can you / he not see that you're creating the exact opposite resentment in your DS?

If anything, it's likely by your DS will go the other way as an adult - be loathe to get involved in his own DCs' battles, all because of the heavy-handed, officious, unhelpful way his father handled things

Why can he not consider employing a happy middle ground?

And why are you walking on eggshells around your own DH? Why do you think it's reasonable to address this with the teacher - but not your own DH?

I am married to an arse

That is your whole problem (and your child's) right there in a nutshell.

Glad you said it.

I think it went very well and it sounded very fair and reasonable.

How can you stand being married to a nob?!

Your poor son.

What's going to happen when he enters the real world? If he starts working at Tesco, is Daddy going to rock up and have words with his line manager every time ds gets told off?

People are missing the point here. It's not about the OP/her DH objecting to their son being told off for misbehaving. She's said several times that they would be telling him off themselves if so.
The issue is about them splitting hairs on an issue that's not important in the grand scheme of things, particularly when her dh has been unnecessarily aggressive to staff members before, on unrelated issues. And that the OP cannot see that her actions in going in today to "ask a polite question" is exacerbating that situation.

Octopus
Agreed

It's just such a waste of a teacher's time.

I suspect today the headmaster has been usurped in his position as 'that' parent

Good work OP. The teachers really will hate your kid now.

It's just such a waste of a teacher's time. Well, yes, but so is the queue of parents demanding the teacher finds a lost school jumper or little precious only sits next to nice children and their child must be made to drink their milk. Most teachers get very good at glazing over, making soothing noises and walking away I think.

Those are also huge wastes of time as is the parent who comes in complaining that his dd's coat got dirty when the young madam keeps playing in the mud even if she's told not to, repeatedly.

I wonder if they'd be so quick to waste all this time if they were charged for the teacher's time for unimportant shite?

JigglyTuff then the teachers are wankers.

Most teachers get very good at glazing over, making soothing noises and walking away I think. I was very good at that. Not so much when there was a real problem though.

Well as predicted you went in...

You seem to think the teachers analyse both you and your DH seperately..

You seem to expect everything to be separate..

Your DH behaviour in school sounds unacceptable...So the point of his visit will have been lost on his unreasonable behaviour.

You ds teacher will be focused on your child...it won't be oh Mrs Burgundy is reasonable and Mr Burgundy isn't , it will be burgundy's parents are in again..

I get the impression that every teacher on this thread is directing decades of suppressed ire at the OP....who is ironically enough, not a difficult parent at all.

Hate is probably a bit strong admittedly. But a child with parents who come in and moan about every little thing, even when their child is in the wrong, must be bloody wearing.

I'm not a teacher but I would avoid putting the OP's DS into any positions of responsibility or giving him opportunities over and over the standard classroom experience because I'd be wary of them coming in and tearing a strip off me and escalating it to the HoY.

So no, I'm sure he's not going to be penalised but I can't imagine he's going to be going to be pupil of the week too often either.

Teachers are - shock - human.

You need to think about your motivations OP. You didn't go into the school to defend your child, you went to defend your husband and his behaviour. All through this thread you have minimised his actions and defended how he has acted with the school.

You went in and undermined your relationship with the school to defend a man, who in your own words, is a knob.

I suspect if he's a knob at school he's a knob at home, as well. I wonder if OP's motivation is to try to reassure herself that having a bullying, overbearing father isn't doing her DS any harm. Seeking reassurance from the school that it's not affecting their interactions with her DS may be an attempt to make her better about her DH's twatish behaviour in general - he may be a knob but it's ok because their DS is just fine.

Some seem to be (deliberately) misunderstanding the type of parent my DH is.

If a teacher deliberately ostracises my child because they don't like me or his dad then I don't think much of them. I can't help that; I'm only human.

So he's only a knob with teachers then?

No, he's a full time knob :) but he isn't the 'how dare you accuse my child of doing wrong' knob, he is the 'this reading isn't pushing my child hard enough, how are you getting my child's levels up, why is my child sitting here, I need information, I need reassurance about my child's learning' knob.

I've told him. And managed to keep him away this year so far. Unfortunately DSs teacher this year remembers him from year 3.

Maybe your DH should become a teacher as he clearly knows how to do the job better than we do

But he's only a knob with regard to your child's learning? Because if it's other aspects of your child's upbringing then that's hard for everyone and I can understand more why you'd want reassurance from the school.