To think this was unfair and unprofessional of my sons teacher?

[burgundyandgoldleaves]

My son is nine and in Year 5.

Over the years my husband has made a bit of a name for himself I daresay and has complained about various things. (I've told him not to.)

Today, DS got into a bit of trouble - nothing hugely major, he was, along with others, somewhere he shouldn't have been at lunch time. There was some rubbish in this room that they weren't responsible for. The teacher came in and started shouting at the boys for leaving the mess. DS tried to tell her they weren't responsible and the teacher shouted at him not to interrupt (fine) and "send your dad in if you're not happy, I don't care!"

AIBU or is the latter part of this statement quite unfair? DS was pretty embarrassed and I'm now trying to work this so he doesn't tell his dad!

Let it go. Choose your battles. There may be plenty of things in life worthy of taking action but this isn't one of them. Save your energy for something worthy of your attention.

I am not a teacher.

People like this are why teachers are leaving the profession in droves. Kids need to understand that teachers are only human, not saints, that if they goad and prod, the teacher will snap back. Making a complaint will result in a formal investigation, stress and anxiety for that poor woman. Instead teach your child and DH some respect.

OP As I've said, the most difficult parent by far at DSs school is a headteacher says who?! Can't see the teachers sharing their thoughts with you!

OP you say if your DS did mention his dad in any way he'd be in 'big trouble' ... of COURSE he won't admit to saying it!
Not saying that he did because we don't know, but if I'd said something to a teacher and my mum said 'I hope you didn't mention XYZ otherwise you'll be in big trouble', I'd deny it till I was blue in the face!
The last thing I'd want after having a row at school would be to have a row at home too ...

I think OP that perhaps you aren't the best at knowing how human nature works. diamond is spot on. And kids answering back to minimise the trouble they are in are not wanting to be "helpful".

Your poor DS. DH has so pissed off all the teachers that whenever they deal with your son they think of his father steaming in to tell them off.
We did have a family like this and it almost sent the head into a nervous breakdown.

pterodactyl "Step down?"

Have you any idea how many teachers are doing exactly that, due in part to the kind of shit this OP's husband has been pulling? This is why current and future pupils will be bloody lucky if they get to school and find a suitably qualified person standing in front of their class in a state fit to teach at all.

Have you any idea how many teachers are doing exactly that, due in part to the kind of shit this OP's husband has been pulling? This is why current and future pupils will be bloody lucky if they get to school and find a suitably qualified person standing in front of their class in a state fit to teach at all.

This with bells on. So glad I'm retired now.

I'm not marching in; DH doesn't steam in.

Purple I am really sorry you went through that. It's always what I've tried to avoid.

Clarissa, a seating plan was found with difficult parents' names highlighted by the child! Oh dear That doesn't bother me, it was clearly an accident and the teacher in that instance was mortified and apologetic.

There are some bitter teachers on this thread. If teachers are finding the job really difficult and stressful they should step down

Errrrr they are, in droves. Some of which is to do with the attitude of parents like the OPs DH.

PterodactylToenails
There are some bitter teachers on this thread.

Thats funny :)

As PP have said this amongst other reasons is why teachers are "stepping down".
We are getting to the stage where in various schools you shouldn't be worrying about the quality of teaching but whether your child has a teacher at all.

You must be a right pain the arse. You take no responsibility for your sons behaviour..

There are some bitter teachers on this thread. If teachers are finding the job really difficult and stressful they should step down

Well, I'm sure you'll be relieved to hear that thousands of teachers are 'stepping down' and leaving the profession every year because of situations like this.

Sadly, it's the good ones.

Can we just be clear here that the "situation" is

I will check the comment about DH was unprovoked
If it was I will politely ask for it not be be repeated
If it WAS provoked (ie DS said something along the lines of telling his dad - out of character and unusual but best to check) then I will apologise profusely and DS is in Big Trouble. From his dad!

But the teacher didn't say anything wrong! It wasn't threatening and it wasn't personal, you are totally overreacting because you don't like what she said. Maybe it hit too close to home or maybe you don't like your son being told off. Just leave it, tell your boy not to find himself in those kinds of situations and get over it.

Well, I'm afraid I disagree: I think making her opinion of my husband obvious isn't on, to his son.

Just leave it! You know you're DH is a pita and at 9 I'm fairly sure your DS does too.

They're going to put you in the pita box too. You are not doing your DS any favours.

The interaction only really makes sense if you insert a, "I'm going to tell my dad on you" in there.

Don't teach your "he's no angel but" son that mummy and daddy will save him from the big bad world when he gets in trouble. No one needs another entitled young man who thinks nothing is ever really his fault.

She hasn't told your son her opinion of his father. I suspect you'd be far more upset (but not surprised) if she had.

You (both) seem very over-involved.

Why isn't it on though OP? Why does it matter if your son knows what a teacher thinks of his dad? Should all children be shielded from reality? Maybe this is a situation where your son can manage his feelings of embarrassment around this. It's hardly as though the teacher has said anything personal or is in the process of a hate campaign against your husband.

Is your oh so polite enquiry going to lessen your son's embarrassment? I suspect next time the teacher will be using your name and not your husband's and nothing will change! I can't actually believe you've worked yourself up into such a froth over this!

Will you believe the teachers' version of events over your sons' when she explains what happened yesterday?

I honestly can't answer Thanks because I don't know what she is going to say.

Re DS - I can't know for certain he didn't say 'I'll tell my dad' but it would be totally out of character, it really would. Put it this way: he told me yesterday, not his father.

AmI with respect I'm not in a froth at all! I'm perfectly calm. Promise :)

I think the bottom line is... this has hit a nerve with you. You know your DH is a snippy arse with the teachers. You know he goes in and demands meetings about things unconnected with your DS (you said that), you know you have a problem. And you are trying to minimise the impact on your DS of the problem which is your DH. It's him you need to address, not the teacher, but there's nothing anyone can say that will change your mind as it was your intention to go in and question the teacher before you even posted on here. You say not, you say you weren't sure whether to go in until later in the thread but as just about everyone has advised you not to go in, that's twaddle. Unless you are just on a wind up mission.