To think this was unfair and unprofessional of my sons teacher?

[burgundyandgoldleaves]

My son is nine and in Year 5.

Over the years my husband has made a bit of a name for himself I daresay and has complained about various things. (I've told him not to.)

Today, DS got into a bit of trouble - nothing hugely major, he was, along with others, somewhere he shouldn't have been at lunch time. There was some rubbish in this room that they weren't responsible for. The teacher came in and started shouting at the boys for leaving the mess. DS tried to tell her they weren't responsible and the teacher shouted at him not to interrupt (fine) and "send your dad in if you're not happy, I don't care!"

AIBU or is the latter part of this statement quite unfair? DS was pretty embarrassed and I'm now trying to work this so he doesn't tell his dad!

Yes, I do understand all that, but as I've said, DH has never ever been in to defend DS against a telling off.

If we ever WERE contacted about DSs poor behaviour (yet to happen) he would be in a lot of trouble.

I a agree with cansu, there will be a time when you need the school's help, and it won't be there...

yes but alot of parents belive that I have had a child point blank swear they never did something in front of the parent with a stright face so much so the parent belived her until we showed the CTV video of her doing it.

That line he came up with does not sound like something that is said in isolation but more proberly after you child said that I will tell my dad on you.. (if the teacher said something like that in the first place which i doubt tbh)

Are you a teacher then?

Burgundy, you have done really well sticking it out in this thread when lots of posters have been tough on you and your DH although it was you that called him a dick.

But it is difficult to know what you want from this thread. What you have described is a scenario of a difficult family, the kind that induces eye-rolling from teaching staff. You may be completely different in real life but on this thread you don't seem to have insight into the 'type' of parents you are.

Only you can know if your approach is best serving your DS. From the sounds of it, it isn't. You have decided the fault lies with the teacher and you are going to 'speak to' her. Is this really the best thing in the bigger picture?

I think there are always 'those parents' that refuse to see any fault in their children's behaviour, and that go in 'all guns blazing' to school every time there is an altercation.

This renders the teachers helpless to discipline those children effectively, because the result is always the same (parents blaming teachers instead of working together with them)

It sounds as if your DH has been labelled as this parent, and perhaps out of pure exasperation the teacher has made this statement.

but burgundy what if the teacher tells you the whole story would you still belive your child or assume that the teacher is lying because you cannot belive he could do that?

Btw teachers are not perfect but it gets really annoying that parents now belive their children above other adults 9 times out of 10 for stuff like this which is sadly why some countries are implenting ctv in classrooms with sound so parents can see and hear exactly what is going on which avoids these situations altogether but is so sad it has to be implented in some places......

boney

I think she'll listen carefully and think about it. Can't predict further because it would depend on what was said by the teacher.

Ohdearducks

Good to see that the standard, response against teachers is still being made up.

burgundy

I didn't ask if your DH was a teacher, I asked if you would be asking the teacher that told your son off for her side of the story?

You also don't know if the teacher is taking her supposed dislike of your DH out on your DS.

And no i am not a teacher but I used to work within a classrom setting during my PHD studies.

YANBU

Teacher sounds like a petulant child, and your son is NOT responsible for your husband's actions.

You can't have a one-size-fits-all policy of 'always' believing the child or 'always' believing the teacher. It depends on the people involved and the situation.

I'd be very, very reluctant to believe a teacher lied, but I would not be at all slow to think they might present what had been said in a manner that would smooth things over, as it were.

Perhaps what happened today could be a sign that your DH needs to back off a bit and let your DS learn to face the music on his own.

Things are quite different in high school, and equipping DS to fight his own battles would serve him well.

Banana Teachers ARE near saints and very very beleaguered! You only need to read a few posts on MN.

AddTo, I called him a dick, partly because he is, partly in jest :) and partly because I was trying to explain that I know how that sort of overbearing and patronising behaviour can come across.

I by contrast really do try NOT to be annoying - however, on this occasion, I am miffed myself to be honest. If I come across as one of those parents - well, so be it really. (This thread has mostly been about clarifying my own thoughts on the matter.)

As I said, I did have one teacher be really awful to me because of my mother and it is horrible. I didn't feel able to tell my parents as I'd have been in a LOT of trouble at home for getting in trouble at school.

I'm totally sympathetic to any of the teachers privately thinking DH is a knob, but they shouldn't be conveying this view to his son.

Somebody asked the OP if her DP was a qualified teacher, boney.

Also, just to clarify again

If a teacher rang up or contacted us and said our son had misbehaved or been rude or difficult, he would be in trouble.

However, when DH has contacted the school, it's not been about that. We would always 100% support the school if any of our children misbehaved.

Thank you slender

They did.

So far he is a lawyer, a teacher and his name begins with J. And a knob.

Only the latter is true :)

slenderisthenight

Thanks.

I'm totally sympathetic to any of the teachers privately thinking DH is a knob, but they shouldn't be conveying this view to his son.

Nor should your DH be conveying his feelings about teachers or the school to your DS.

No, he shouldn't, so it's a good thing he doesn't, isn't it? :)

My oldest in year 11.
I remember a few occasions where at primary she came home really upset because of something that happened at school. Sometimes these things seemed really unfair and ridiculous, even looking back now from 5-10 years later.
When she told me, I comforted her and did various "there there" noises, but didn't make a big thing.

I was talking the other day about some of the things and, you know what, she can't remember any of them. The one she does remember was one where I did have to go into school (bullying related-she wasn't the victim, it was something she'd seen). It wasn't worse than other things that had happened. She wasn't more upset. But she remembers it because I said to her that it was too big to keep to herself and I needed to talk to the teacher.

I think you would be wise to hold off going into the school at this point for a few reasons.
If your son or any of his friends did see you then I think that would be even more humiliating for your son.
To address this without telling your husband is really not the way a healthy relationship works.
The teacher probably felt dreadful as soon as she had said it and will never say anything of the sort.
I would chat to your son and make sure he is comfortable telling you about any further comments and then take no further action.

What are your DH feelings on what the teacher said today?

If I were you, OP, I would privately think, "what a bitch," and then forget about it.
Why don't you do something similar?