To think this was unfair and unprofessional of my sons teacher?

[burgundyandgoldleaves]

My son is nine and in Year 5.

Over the years my husband has made a bit of a name for himself I daresay and has complained about various things. (I've told him not to.)

Today, DS got into a bit of trouble - nothing hugely major, he was, along with others, somewhere he shouldn't have been at lunch time. There was some rubbish in this room that they weren't responsible for. The teacher came in and started shouting at the boys for leaving the mess. DS tried to tell her they weren't responsible and the teacher shouted at him not to interrupt (fine) and "send your dad in if you're not happy, I don't care!"

AIBU or is the latter part of this statement quite unfair? DS was pretty embarrassed and I'm now trying to work this so he doesn't tell his dad!

He made an error of judgement, You

please burgundy can you tell me if you are a bad parent? completely polite inquiary right? I used please and everything..........

sorry just an example where a polite inquary isnt so polite at all. I really think you son is telling you lies because HE KNOWS YOUR DH WILL GO in and complain about every little thing.

I have seen and heard the results of this type of parenting and let me tell you it does not result in good things for the child involved but hey its not your problem.

You should in fact be punishing your child for knowingly breaking the rules not taking some minor thing he is using to deflect from his misbehaviour, some times I wish schools in the UK were like malta were children can be removed from schools because of parents behaviour.....

No, it's not my problem.

Does the dad's name begin with J?

No

I'm really shocked that so many people think it's ok for a teacher to take it out on a child when they have a problem with a parent! I have had problems with a couple of parents in my job in a nursery and if I took it out on their kids I'd be sacked!

A lot of people seem to have decided that OPs DS is some sort of devil child, a compulsive liar and a goady fucker to boot! All off the basis of one incident, Amazing!

But then I forget, this is mumsnet where schools and teachers are the law and any parent with a complaint is a dreadful person with dreadful children who they inflict on poor teacher every day.

Most of the time teachers are lovely people, sometimes they're not nice at all, just because a person is a teacher does not mean they're incapable of wrong doing!
imagine if OP came on to say 'exh is taking his hatred of me out on our ds' the uproar would be something to behold.

What have I misunderstood OP?

Just looked back on here and the OP's young son now sounds like some sort of hardened criminal who is a cheeky rule breaker and he needs putting in detention for a hundred years ........ never understand how some people's minds work on here

Thanks

You have claimed that our son can and will misbehave because he knows his dad will go to the school.

This is not the case.

If our son misbehaved and DH found out about it, DS would be dealt with severely.

However, DH has raised issues with the school about various things - none directly related to DS.

It is your problem you are teaching your child that he can break the rules if he can deflect a minor issue to you I bet you did not punish your child for breaking the rules he admitted right?

You sound nearly as bad as your DH all children lie (minus some children with sens that do not understand that the concept of lying) and yes before anyone jumps on me about how there little angel never lies, you are going to be disappointed as most parents that belive there child doesnt lie normally means that child is very good at lying. If i was at home I would be linking the studies about this.

(and lying by omission is still lying)

Serial, yes, I have been waiting for people to claim DS will end up in prison and it'll be name-doesn't-start-with-a-J DHs fault.

I am going to ask this again OP..What do you want from this thread...You started off saying your DH over the years your DH has made for himself..you now seem to want to defend any wrong doing of anyone but teacher.

Your DS was wrong, he was answering back by the sounds of it.

I don't see any point of any advice been given you are going in I have no doubt...What I don't know is why you posted/

You said your H went into school when he was unhappy about where your DS had been asked to sit- surely that directly relates to your DS?

No, I didn't punish him worrid as it was a minor incident, he was upset about it and he had already been punished at school. I did speak to him and point out it was annoying for the teacher to have to spend her lunch time removing children from a classroom and told him interrupting wasn't polite.

Should I have smacked him, really hard, perhaps? Grounded him? Sent him to bed? Screamed at him?

Starlight, I'm really not. But if people start claiming things happened which they didn't, I'm obviously going to refute them :)

And actually, it's not just your husband whose attitude stinks here. Think about what your own motives are for going in to "politely ask" about this interaction. You are quite clearly attempting to assert your superiority. Your sub-text is, I'm more important than you, I can get you into trouble and I'm watching you.

But not to his behaviour Thanks

DS has never to my knowledge misbehaved.

slenderisthenight

When the OP goes in to the school and asks (nicely) what happens, what do you think she will do when/if her version of the truth is different?

burgundy

What are you actually going to talk to the teacher about?

And what do you want the outcome to be?

Will you be asking the teacher for her side of the events and will you allow that to change your mind?

DS has never to my knowledge misbehaved.

Except for today, when he ignored instructions and interrupted his teacher...

Oh dear... Op, kids with twattish parents are at the bottom of every teacher's wish list. I bet that no teachers want to deal with him because of his dad. Just being honest.

Is your dp a qualified teacher btw?

no I have condone smacking but seriously can you not see that you are undermining the school and by extention doign your child no faviours.

I would be you £10 that your child said somethnig along the lines you cannot tell me off punish me or i will tell my dad I have seen this countless times.

*i dont condone smacking

Boney, I feel it's really inappropriate to use a dislike of DH, whether or not that's justified, against my son.

He had nothing to do with DH behaving like a knob.

No, my husband is not a teacher.

Worrid and I'm positive he didn't. Really. It's not DS. Apart from anything else, if he had said that, and it was reported back to DH, DS would be in a LOT of trouble from both of us.

Teacher should not have said it really, but it sounds like your ds is rather argumentative and your dh has taught him this. I would focus on fact that he has been in trouble really. He has told you this so as to focus your attention on the teacher and away from him. By the way most kids will tell you that any mess is the fault of other invisible kids rather than those present when they are caught! you might also want to consider whether your dh habit of complaining is marking your family out as habitual moaners who are unsupportive of the school and only care about defending their child against authority. The down side to this is that they stop taking your complaints seriously and your kids get to realise that they can manipulate this lack of being on the same page. This leads to kids pissing about and then being confident that parents will back them up. Problem is that there comes a time when kids are not doing well academically and parents wish they had the school on side.