To think this was unfair and unprofessional of my sons teacher?

[burgundyandgoldleaves]

My son is nine and in Year 5.

Over the years my husband has made a bit of a name for himself I daresay and has complained about various things. (I've told him not to.)

Today, DS got into a bit of trouble - nothing hugely major, he was, along with others, somewhere he shouldn't have been at lunch time. There was some rubbish in this room that they weren't responsible for. The teacher came in and started shouting at the boys for leaving the mess. DS tried to tell her they weren't responsible and the teacher shouted at him not to interrupt (fine) and "send your dad in if you're not happy, I don't care!"

AIBU or is the latter part of this statement quite unfair? DS was pretty embarrassed and I'm now trying to work this so he doesn't tell his dad!

No trifle, sorry to disappoint but the OP said that already. The only thing that's changing is you starting to lie to prove your point...

Well, it's not trivial shit to me.

I am absolutely backing the school up insofar as DS should not have been in the classroom, though.

Right, so a couple of times a year there are issues 'serious' enough for him to demand meetings with teachers and in the process be sneery, dismissive etc.? And now you want to join him in quizzing the teacher about a relatively minor incident. Well, good luck. I think you're going to make things worse but it's your call.

I'm not a lawyer!

slenderisthenight: Excuse me for missing a post

I am not lying or trying (particularly) to prove anything, thanks.

He didn't try to help. He was cheeky to a member of staff. He was telling her how to do her job. He was trying to wriggle out of blame.

He needed to zip it and take the telling off as he shouldn't have been there anyway.

I think it's clear that you will be going in to the school regardless of the advice you've received here. Have you thought about what you want to achieve with the conversation? What do you want the teacher to say to you?

Trying to help? But he was in trouble for being in a place he shouldn't have been. trying to get himself out of trouble maybe.

I think he was trying to help insofar as they were shouted at for leaving rubbish in the room, and he 'helpfully' tried to explain they were not and to therefore allow the teacher to find the true culprits. Anyway, none of us were there - which is why asking seems to make sense. As if he WAS cheeky then, yes, I'd like to know.

Sorry, must have misread.

You're still wrong and your husband is still a dick.

Your son sounds pretty much like every other 9 year old though. Please do your best to see why micro managing his education is not the best option.

Have you considered private education? Sounds like they might meet your needs as a customer more.

If, as a teacher, you have an issue with a parent and you are halfway professional at your job, you keep it between yourself and the parent. You don't allow it to influence the way you deal with the child and you certainly don't make passive aggressive digs at the child about it in front of other children.

Obviously. You wouldn't get away with it in any other profession. If you worked in a care home and you found the family of a resident a bit of a pain, you wouldn't mention it to the resident. It would be unprofessional, intimidating and mean. Same applies. And no, it's not different because a teacher has to discipline children; there is nothing disciplinary about suggesting a child brings his parent to the school to complain.

Another teacher here. If this teacher did say this, without any incitement from your son, then yes, it was probably an ill-advised thing to say. But the thing is, teachers are humans, not robots, and this teacher is reacting quite naturally to the way she and he colleagues have been treated by your husband in the past. She probably regretted it as soon as it left her mouth, but what on Earth will you achieve by complaining? What message will it give your son? All she can say is, yes, she shouldn't have said it, and you and your husband will have utterly proved her point.

OP I completely understand where you are coming from. If any teacher referenced either me or my husband while telling one of my children off I would be raising it with them. It is inappropriate whatever the circumstances, particularly in front of other pupils.

I didn't say you were bragging. I said bragging parents have bragging kids, rude parents rude kids, fearful parents fearful kids...

Your DH can be, as you say "a complete dick" and demanding with teachers, so DS copied that in the same way a braggards child brags. I suggested your DS might have got the tone wrong and was a bit demanding/ brashly "helpful" in the way he learned from dad.

Convenient post to miss when you're going at the OP with everything you've got, trifle.

what on Earth will you achieve by complaining?

An assurance that it won't happen again and her son will be dealt with more professionally.

What message will it give your son?

I'd be very surprised if the OP tells her son.

All she can say is, yes, she shouldn't have said it

What she can do is prevent it becoming a habit.

you and your husband will have utterly proved her point.

It's not a game. Her personal opinion doesn't matter. Point is, she knows to keep it out of the classroom.

It's not helpful. It's cheeky.

The kids who were caught are the ones that will get blamed for the mess. It's just tough. And I'd also be pointing out to him that if anything had gone missing from that classroom it'd be those children blamed for that too.

Deal with your son's attitude and leave the teacher alone.

Mrscarrot Sorry I confused you. Someone further up accused OP's husband of being a lawyer and I said I was offended at that suggestion because I am one and can confirm that neither my DH (another lawyer) nor I feel the need to be up the school all the time!

He could be pax and to be honest again that's one reason I would like to talk to (note the words) the teacher.

Thank you for the nicer tone to some of these posts.

I've no intention of giving anyone a hard time but by the same token, I do think it's acceptable to politely raise something if you're really not happy, and I'm not.

slender OP has already told her S she is going in to the school because of what the teacher said. You must have missed the post, easy done.

It's not helpful. It's cheeky.

Completely depends on the attitude and any teacher worth their salt knows this. It's a sorry education system if pupils know their teacher has the wrong information about something and cannot respectfully offer that information in any acceptable manner.

slenderisthenight: Hardly. It makes no difference whatsoever to my overall opinion that the OP won't be helping her DS by taking this matter to the school, as her DH's manner appears to be the issue. Anyway, I don't intend to continue discussing this with you since you seem determined to make me out to be dishonest, which I'm not.

Why didn't Helpful Henry also "helpfully" explain why he was in the room in the first place? Maybe because he couldn't actually deny that part.

He was "trying to help" - by derailing the telling off he was getting and deflecting attention from his own wrong doing. So not really helpful at all.

No thanks, I missed nothing thanks.