To think this was unfair and unprofessional of my sons teacher?

[burgundyandgoldleaves]

My son is nine and in Year 5.

Over the years my husband has made a bit of a name for himself I daresay and has complained about various things. (I've told him not to.)

Today, DS got into a bit of trouble - nothing hugely major, he was, along with others, somewhere he shouldn't have been at lunch time. There was some rubbish in this room that they weren't responsible for. The teacher came in and started shouting at the boys for leaving the mess. DS tried to tell her they weren't responsible and the teacher shouted at him not to interrupt (fine) and "send your dad in if you're not happy, I don't care!"

AIBU or is the latter part of this statement quite unfair? DS was pretty embarrassed and I'm now trying to work this so he doesn't tell his dad!

Children being in areas they shouldn't be during lunch time is a massive problem. You might not think it is but it seriously is.

If a child isn't where there are dinner staff, where they should be, and there's an incident or accident how do you expect them to deal with it? And who do you think would be the first through the doors complaining about the lack of supervision? I'd bet your H would be. Staff get so much lip from gobby little kids. If your ds didn't make the mess in this place where he shouldn't have been, that is just bloody tough. He will get blamed because he was there. If he'd been where he should have been he wouldn't have been blamed. His fault entirely and you need to teach him to take responsibility for his own actions.

You shouldn't go in. Not sure why you posted as you seem to be arguing against what a lot if people are saying.

was a teacher but not anymore

Ahhh I've got it...

AIBU?

99% say yes.

OK, my mind is made up, I'm going to do it anyway because 99% of you are wrong.

Okaaaaayyyy....

Well, there's the difference of opinion, Rousette: it's not minor to me, I'm afraid.

I'm afraid I think you are over reacting to something infantisimly trivial to distract yourself from the real issues here, namely:

Your husband, his appalling behaviour towards others, exposing your son to this kind of 'role model', and what the consequences of this will be for your son as a person and in his relationship with others.

But carry on focusing on total non issues, by all means.

Bet the other parents of children in your DS's class would be fuming to find out that instead of teaching their children, the teacher has to take time away to deal with this trivia
You are making Mount Everest out of a molehill quite frankly; I'm off this thread too.

I was joking.

I think if the father has a reputation for complaining then the teacher would be on their guard to prevent further occasion for complaints. So there must have been more to the conversation because it seems so unlikely that the teacher would (a) open themselves up to complaint or (b) have even brought the father up in conversation from nowhere.

Maybe tell your son you're considering speaking to the teacher about the conversation and tell him now is the time to be completely honest with you about exactly what was said. He might tell you a slightly different story. Sometimes children (and adults!) give edited accounts without even trying but more could be revealed with a little further discussion!

To be honest though why this teacher needs tiptoeing around I don't know ...

It is not tiptoeing to be polite and open-minded, is it? And the answer may be, because your DH has been a dick to her already? She could probably do without a repeat performance from you.

Honestly another non teacher here telling you to let this one go.. I know from our school that prob unfairly the children of "that" parent often pay the price indirectly i.e. Not getting a lead role in a play so teachers limit exposure to the parent , teachers not going the "extra mile" etc for same reason. It absolutely shouldn't matter in school but teachers are human being and it does. What you don't want is for teachers to disengage from your son with the attitude of what's the point - mam and dad will be in no matter what I do..
Honestly let it go this time for toys ds s sake

I would also be embarrassed that my DH had gained himself a reputation.
Think perhaps it would be worth addressing this rather than the teacher's offhand comment. I would leave it.

well, it would be quite funny Magical

But horrible as well!

I have mentioned to DS that I will have a chat with the teacher. He really has been told off about going into the classroom. I can quite see that it is extremely annoying when children do this and as I've said, if the telling off had only related to this the only response DS would have had would have been "serves you right." DH is stricter than I am: he'd have really told him off for it. But that's not the issue here.

Parent who brag often end up with kids who love showing off. Rude parents bring up rude kids. Parents who fear authority bring up kids fearing the teacher.

You say DH can be really demanding with a school and a "complete dick" as you put it. Of course it could have rubbed off on your DS and the teachers will of course look out for such behaviour in him.

You say your DS was trying to be helpful, I bet your DH feels he is being helpful when he points out the school's many faults and failures. Maybe DS copied dad.

I think you are sat here defending yourself a lot..Its not your fault..Its not the teachers fault how DH behaved..

The key with school is getting what you want to achieve...Shouting demanding why children were sat together is not going to get it..Gong into school for a none issue is not going to get that.

Your DS got in trouble at school..If he doesn't usually get in trouble at school..This will upset him but it is healthy and what as a parent you need to do is let him know it is a lesson to learn.

I think in order for your ds to be treated like everyone else you need to not be that parent as does your DH...My DS teachers and head have told me information I wouldn't necessarily found out if I went in guns blazing.

I also don't ever get into blaming the school ..I get into this is how it is affecting my DS so how do we help him...

I really not sure what you wanted from this thread. The majority have said don't go in ..I suspect you will be going in regardless.

No, you're right. The issue is your DH and the way he handles people.

I think you and your dh need to stop trying to rewrite your schooldays with your own dc tbh, it's not fair on your dc or their teachers.

At 9 I'm sure your ds knows how to push buttons too, which seems to have happened here.

Pax, I don't brag about my children and neither does DH. I've said I've never had any complaints about DS before. In fact the usual 'complaint' I get is that he is too quiet!

I have to be fair to DH - on at least two of the occasions, his complaint was entirely justified, it really was. I would have complained too.

I've no desire to make anybody's life difficult and I'm not going to be complaining but politely clarifying and then requesting there isn't a repeat performance.

If I was the school I would be clarifying and then requesting that there isn't a repeat performance of your DH being a 'complete dick' as you put it, with the school.

You're possibly right Handbag which is one reason I wanted to ask on here. But unfortunately you don't get an awful lot of middle ground.

I have to be fair to DH - on at least two of the occasions, his complaint was entirely justified, it really was. I would have complained too.

Story appears to be changing... How many times has your DH bounced up to the school altogether, OP?

I'm not sure that many of us will be happy to take your word that the complaints your H made were justified given you're going in over today's non event.

I don't think the story is changing Trifle, I said something similar a few pages ago.

I don't know. Couple of times a year maybe?

Incidentally, 'that parent' at DS's school is a headteacher of another local primary

Bragging and fear of authority are just examples of things kids copy. A demanding attitude towards school and "helpfully" pointing out flaws are other things kids might copy and it sounds like your DS did just that.

But genuinely pax, who is bragging?

DS is nine. He misguidedly tried to help. It's the sort of thing I'd probably have done at the same age. First video of me aged 3 in the mid 1980s and I'm helpfully telling the ballet teacher which child is which

You really need to be seen to be backing up the school on this otherwise what example does that set your ds? Teachers do not have time to be dealing with such trivial shit.

You're a lawyer.

Pretty much says it all. Wish you'd said in the first post.