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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To think this was unfair and unprofessional of my sons teacher?

838 replies

burgundyandgoldleaves · 28/11/2016 15:50

My son is nine and in Year 5.

Over the years my husband has made a bit of a name for himself I daresay and has complained about various things. (I've told him not to.)

Today, DS got into a bit of trouble - nothing hugely major, he was, along with others, somewhere he shouldn't have been at lunch time. There was some rubbish in this room that they weren't responsible for. The teacher came in and started shouting at the boys for leaving the mess. DS tried to tell her they weren't responsible and the teacher shouted at him not to interrupt (fine) and "send your dad in if you're not happy, I don't care!"

AIBU or is the latter part of this statement quite unfair? DS was pretty embarrassed and I'm now trying to work this so he doesn't tell his dad!

OP posts:
Original poster
burgundyandgoldleaves · 28/11/2016 20:20

To be honest, if they really think I would look stupid for politely asking a question then i do think that's ridiculous.

DS isn't an only child - why?

OP posts:
Original poster
burgundyandgoldleaves · 28/11/2016 20:21

Brown

To be honest most - not all, but most - of DHs difficult period was when we were separated.

I don't condone it but I understand it: he was trying to stay involved and in control in some way.

OP posts:
Allthebestnamesareused · 28/11/2016 20:22

Please listen to what people are saying and let it go this time.

Even if she said it (at the end of her tether after finding the boys in there and after your son interrupting her when she was talking) which we all acknowledge would be unprofessional.

I don't think she was threatening or indeed singling him out (merely responding to him because he was the one denying making the mess). In the back of her mind she was probably thinking oh no its Little Johnny. His Dad will be in now because of the reputation DH has made for himself.

Be the bigger person let it go this time but if it happens again then definitely say - look I understand DH is a prat but please don't let it taint your view of DS. BUT only if it happens again. At that point say it is unhelpful to refer to DS in the terms of how his DF behaves.

I don't think it means DS is a wrongun generally but accept he was wrong on this occasion and then answered back (wrong again).

Please don't make a fool of yourself over this. Let the school have the view that Mum is ok even if DH is a twat.

MagicalMrsMistoffelees · 28/11/2016 20:23

Best thing to do is send your husband in to complain.

AllotmentyPlenty · 28/11/2016 20:23

Burgundy - why are you so keen to ask this question? You don't need to tell me. But I think you should try and tell yourself. Many, many women on here and cautioning you against having another interaction with the school. Why do you think we are saying that? Why do you think we bothered to sit down and give that advice rather than any other advice?

I think talking to the school would be a real error at this stage in your family's relationship with the school. Do you understand why I am saying that?

AddToBasket · 28/11/2016 20:24

I didn't ask if your DS was an only child - I asked if your DH behaved like this about other DC, and whether DH has any insight into its impact.

Original poster
burgundyandgoldleaves · 28/11/2016 20:24

See there again- politely asking a question - 'making a fool of yourself.' I agreed with your post until that point.

OP posts:
enochroot · 28/11/2016 20:24

I would be concerned if the son begins to speak to staff as his father does.

Concentrate on that.

Original poster
burgundyandgoldleaves · 28/11/2016 20:25

Magical no Shock I have been trying to convey subtly to DS to NOT let this one slip! Grin

OP posts:
Allthebestnamesareused · 28/11/2016 20:26

AddtoBasket now I am offended and going to complain. How very dare you?! I am a lawyer Grin and I can assure you I am not up the school every 10 minutes!

Original poster
burgundyandgoldleaves · 28/11/2016 20:26

Allot

The problem is a lot of those women are also teachers.

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 28/11/2016 20:28

Why is that a problem, OP?

Roussette · 28/11/2016 20:28

o be honest, if they really think I would look stupid for politely asking a question then i do think that's ridiculous

Because it is a very loaded question and implied criticism over something very minor that you should just suck up.

Original poster
burgundyandgoldleaves · 28/11/2016 20:29

Well, we've had several people insist my DS must be a tear away - 'badly behaved little shit' as someone put it - but it has meant many have been on the defensive, which often happens on threads where a teacher may not have been perfect.

OP posts:
Original poster
burgundyandgoldleaves · 28/11/2016 20:29

Well, there's the difference of opinion, Rousette: it's not minor to me, I'm afraid.

OP posts:
Roussette · 28/11/2016 20:30

I'm not a teacher. I'm a parent who has seen 3 through school and know from experience about parents who are in at the school at the drop of a hat over trivial things.

brownpurse · 28/11/2016 20:30

If your son is feeling so embarrassed about the teachers remark and the positive consequences then I imagine he won't let it slip. On the other hand if he quite enjoys the drama of his dad going into school then he may just mention it.

MulberryBush12 · 28/11/2016 20:30

OP there are a few posters who say they are teachers but the majority of posters are just other mothers (?dads) from all walks of life.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 28/11/2016 20:31

I'm not a teacher.

I think you should stay well away from that school short of a teacher boxing your son's ears.

Roussette · 28/11/2016 20:31

your decision burgundy your decision.

No idea why you posted on AIBU then because your mind was made up before you came on here.

Go into the school then. I'm outta here...

diamondofdoom · 28/11/2016 20:32

No one said your DS in particular was a 'badly behaved little shit' - they referred to kids on a Tv programme and said some kids can be butter-doesn't-melt to their parents but be brats at school

Seachangeshell · 28/11/2016 20:32

You don't respect teachers yourself do you OP? Go on, go in and complain. It'll give the staff (including the head) a good laugh when they take their five minute lunch break.

MNHQ
PresidentOliviaMumsnet · 28/11/2016 20:33

Evening all
Bit of peace and love, eh?

Original poster
burgundyandgoldleaves · 28/11/2016 20:34

Actually I think they did diamond but anyway it doesn't matter - we all project on threads, it's only natural.

Rousette my mind wasn't made up, but now it is. Thank you.

seachange, of course I do. I've no desire to make anybody's life difficult and I'm not going to be complaining but politely clarifying and then requesting there isn't a repeat performance.

To be honest though why this teacher needs tiptoeing around I don't know ...

OP posts:
nichito · 28/11/2016 20:34

Jesus Christ, the first few pages of this thread are an absolute car crash.

I've never seen so much high-minded, dim-witted and baseless projection.

The OP has been nothing but polite and reasonable and from my current position in the thread, there are simply no grounds to suppose her children is some odious little wanker on the sly.

I don't believe for one moment that's those of you snottily casting judgment upon the kid for daring to break the rules never did any such thing at school. God almighty, what petty, catty, embarrassing rubbish.

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