To think it's not vital for DC to learn to drive as soon as they are 17?

[dollybird]

DC are 13 and 14 so it's a little way off yet, but I think we should wait and see how much they want to learn to drive and also bear in mind that they may go to uni and not have use of a car for a few years. As its so expensive to learn to drive and then to get insurance etc, I think there are more important things to help DC with money wise.

This came up again in conversation the other day and DH said 'you can't get on in life if you can't drive' which I think is utter rubbish. I said what if they decided to move to London where public transport is good and having a car could be a waste of time? And he came back with 'do you want that'? To which I replied obviously I'd be upset if they moved away but if they want to move to London or anywhere else then I would support that. I certainly wouldn't stop them. He decided to put a halt to the conversation as we were supposed to be having a 'nice evening' but I still think he's wrong. AIBU?

Having a car does not necessarily result in the young person driving round car loads of drunken friends at home or at uni.
My two were insured on my car for occasional use after they passed their tests. I bought DS1 a little car during his second year at uni. He still uses the bus to commute to uni but his car at weekends and for part time work. Not to mention saving me the six hour round trip at the start and end of term.
DS2 is in halls so couldn't keep a car and doesn't need one this year at least. When he comes home in holidays he will use my car to get to his part time job.

Depends on your lifestyle at uni I think! My Dd competes for her uni - if she wants to take part she has to get there!

I don't think YABU because you are making a sound argument and obviously care about doing the best for your DC, so how could you be unreasonable? However I do disagree with you, for all the comments listed above. I wasn't bothered about learning when I was 17 but my parents insisted and I am so, so glad they did.

London is pretty much the only place you could conceivably not drive with no loss to quality of life, and, tbh all of my friends who live in London either own cars, or hire them to travel home/get to weddings/go on holiday etc on a regular basis - i.e whenever they have to leave London!

I live in a big city but would still struggle to get everywhere I wanted to go without driving.

As others said, even in jobs where driving is not necessary, it's still often listed as a positive on job adverts. My current role has 4 staff doing the same job, who started at the same time - 2 that drive and 2 that can't - myself and the other driver have had much more experience offered than the two non-drivers, who moaned that they haven't had the same opportunities, but it's because if something comes in the boss can say - can you get to x location by x time - we can say yes, great, they have to say - oh no, there's no station within 15 miles of there, or there is a bus but it takes 4 hours and 3 changes so the fastest I could get there is two hours too late.

You also have more confidence and more time at 17/18. In addition, even if you pass at 17 and hardly drive (just during uni holidays on occasion) until 22, your insurance would be much less than someone who'd only passed at 22 and need to get insurance straightaway,

You also have the huge advantage of getting to go out with parents (or anyone who has a car and has been driving for 3 years) for extra experience if you are living at home - it is so much faster and easier (and therefore cheaper) to pass if you have 30 paid hours with a driving instructor and 50 practice hours with family member/friend, than having to pay for 60-80 professional sessions. Also gives you practice in driving different cars, which is invaluable.

I disagree, if you can afford it they should learn ASAP, it's harder when you get older and driving is a life skill which can really hold you back. We will pay for lessons when ours turn 17 and most likely buy them a car too

I have no experience with public transportation; public transportation in my city is not great, and I got my driver's license at 16, as is common here in the US.

That said, it seems like every couple of weeks a thread comes up on here about taking a child with a stroller on public transportation - to fold or not to fold, are the spaces for wheelchair users or can they be used for strollers too, if you're using the wheelchair space for your stroller and a wheelchair user gets on the bus do you have to get off and wait for the next one, etc. For those reasons alone, I'd want to learn to drive regardless of how good the available public transportation is in my city. I can't imagine having to juggle an infant, a toddler, and two weeks worth of groceries on a bus. Even if you used public transportation most of the time, being able to drive and having access to a car would certainly make things easier sometimes.

I learned to drive at 18 but couldn't afford a car, but knowing I had my license encouraged me to save up until could afford it when I was 21.

I will encourage and probably pay for ds to learn when he turns 17 just to get it done and so he has it as an option when needed.

One of the key things about learning to drive as we are doing at the moment with our 17 yo DS is not just the cost of lessons, but practice time is really important. While he is still living at home it's much easier for him to practice with me or dh - basically, he drives when we go anywhere, including the school run - which also cuts back a bit on the number of lessons he should need.

I think that would be really hard to do when DS is older and probably not living at home.

Plus in the rural area where we live it's essential - and looking forward to when he passes his test & can ferry his younger sibling to and from parties miles away.

Also, we do tend to romanticize our cars and driving here, but, it's freedom, isn't it? If you have a license and access to a car, you can go pretty much anywhere.

This topic is close to my heart at mo. I can drive and drive where I like when I want , DP can but hates it, has anxieties issues about getting lost, won't go on motorways, is scared of big roundabouts, would never drive overseas etc. DP's son passed at 17 but had never had need to drive until now nor access to a car (now job is 1hr from home age not well served by public transport... 3 hours and a 2 mile walk - currently reliant on a complex web of liftshares). I think he should crack on buy a car, I'll take him out for practice til he's confident but DP is discouraging him from spending wages on a car and insurance "it'll be a financial burden for him", "what rill he do of he loses job", "I don't think he likes driving either... Maybe it's genetic". Can't see that DSS might then be able to apply for different jobs not reliant on public transport, won't ask me for lifts hither and thither in the late evening, might enjoy having car and being able to take off to beach etc with mates on a weekend because DP didn't drive till in 30's sees no need for DSS to drive.

I can't actually discuss the topic with DP anymore as our views are so different. To DP driving is just a necessary evil endured for work and supermarket runs. I do know it's up to DSS but.. But....

Apols for rant!

I learned at 17 and passed my test at 18. In hindsight I might as well have waited another ten years. I didn't have a car at university, and when I was at home my mum was always too scared to let me drive her car (driving with her was not a pleasurable experience!) Then I spent several years living in London where I had no need of a car. On one hand, it was good to know I had secured my licence (which if nothing else is a useful form of ID), and passing my test was one less thing to worry about in the future. I seem to remember it fitted in quite well with free periods at school. On the other, when I did start driving again I was quite rusty, especially in a manual car.

YANBU.

I learnt to drive at 38 as I suddenly found I needed to. Prior to that I wasn't interested and didn't have the incentive of needing it.

Looking at my DC, DS1 is 14 and wants to rive now, I imagine he will pass his test at 17 as DH did. But I can see DS2, now 12, being more like me.

Oh and for those saying it is easier to learn when you are younger - I had a few lessons at 18 and just didn't "get" it. At 38 I passed my test after just 8 lessons.

I think most people find it easier when they are younger. More time to practice and everyone else is doing the same.

I'm 29 and have never learnt to drive. It hasn't hindered me in life. I have never relied on anyone else to ferry me about. None of my parents or siblings drive either. We do live in an area with good transport links. Would be different if we lived in a rural location.

I am considering taking lessons at some point in the near future, just to see if I can learn. However, I am mildly dyspraxic so not very confident that I will be able to pass.

Your experience is very different from mine lurkinghusband.

All except 1 of my nieces, nephews, godchildren, started to learn at 17. It seems the vast majority of dc of our friends, and friends of our dc too. We're not rural and live in a City with ok public transport, but it's such a good skill to have.

Plenty of times in job applications / interviews have they all been asked if they have driving licenses when coming out of university too.

By the way, mine never ever do the designated driver, ferrying drunk friends around thing. For one thing, hardly any of their friends drive so they wouldn't be taking turns. And also we gave them strict rules about passengers when they were first driving. But basically they would just hate to be missing out if everyone else was having a beer.

I didn't learn to drive until my late 20s due to living in London. Personally I'll be encouraging my kids to learn to drive as soon as they turn 17. It's much harder the older you get.

I didn't learn to drive until I was 45 as I've always lived in London. Contrary to what previous poster are saying about age and difficulty of learning, I found it ok- I had 20 lessons and passed first time. And I enjoy driving too. BUT I wish I had learned earlier and had more options for all those years.

Maybe not the moment they turn 17, but I wouldn't leave it too long.
I have several friends now who suddenly wish they could drive (in their 30s) and regret not learning sooner. One saw a brilliant job advertised where she would need to drive to reach the office. She couldn't apply because the deadline was too soon - not enough time to learn to drive.

They might not want to:

www.google.co.uk/amp/www.theatlantic.com/amp/article/425169/

I've never seen the point in learning. Anywhere I want to live is walkable or has good public transport and taxis a dozen times a year work put a lot cheaper than running a car, never mind buying one. Plus I'm lazy, this way I get my 10k steps a day without even thinking about it.

I learnt at 17 despite my family not having a car as my mum couldn't afford to run one. I knew I wouldn't have anything to drive after passing my test but learnt anyway. I'm glad I did because lots of relatives gave me money for lessons when I was 17 so that helped with the cost a bit, it was easy to have lessons straight after school etc and I didn't have a husband, work or children to fit around. I worked a weekend job with lots of overtime available in the holidays so I funded my lessons from that as all my money was my own once I'd given mum some housekeeping.

If I didn't learn to drive until I was 31 and needed to (when DD was born and I needed to share dropping her at the CM with DH and then getting to work on time) it would have been really hard. Finances were tight after having DD and my hours at work reducing, plus childcare costs. Obviously our money was family money so I couldn't just spend it on lessons if there were bills to pay. Time was tricky too, juggling work, childcare and family time makes it harder than when you're 17 with no commitments.

Obviously if your kids really don't want to learn or struggle with lessons, then you might want to leave it a bit, but I think learning to drive really can allow opportunities you might not be able to access if you don't. DH and I have the freedom to live where we want and to work where we want, regardless of access to public transport.

(DH and I finally got a car when I was about 26 or so. I booked a three hour refresher lesson with a driving school and DH went out with me for a few drives too. It didn't take long to get my confidence back and by that point I was over 25, so my insurance wasn't crazy either!).

Whether it holds you back or not depends on where you want to go in life. Certainly hasn't held db back- successful academic who travels all over the world and doesn't rely on other people for lifts because he has arranged his life around places he can get to.

Dh again didn't learn to drive until his mid-40s, but then found it did help with his new job.

I can't drive, for reasons of visual impairment, but have a job that doesn't require it (and is the job I always wanted anyway), live in a place that
doesn't require it (and that I like) and have interests that don't require it. The only times I have felt I missed out was when I was with a group of friends who insisted that we had to meet in places that were only accessible by car (though there were perfectly valid alternatives).

Ds is 17 and is learning now, he's got a part time job and is paying for his own lessons because he's saved all his earning

And for the record, both teen children seem to cope absolutely fine without asking for lifts: ds thinks nothing of walking 4 miles to an event and dd gets by just fine on a combination of public transport and a reputable taxi firm.

I'm not against them learning to drive, it's more learning to drive then having to fork out for a car and insurance (as DH insists it's best to get your own car and start earning your own NCD straight away), and them hardly driving it. I take on board everyone's comments about having the time at 17 and also learning to drive in the daylight, something I hadn't considered.

Backforgood we didn't have an argument about learning to drive as such. I was cross that it came across that he didn't want the DC to move away (if that's what they want), and that I was terrible for wanting them to (which I don't, but I wouldn't stop them doing what they want to do, and if that involves moving away rather than living round the corner to be at my beck and call (and vice versa) then so be it).