Had the shittest week in a very shit year so may be over reacting (and happy to be told if that's the case but please be gentle 😢)
So DD is 9 (and a fairly "young" 9) She came home a couple years of weeks ago and said that one of her friends at school has told her Santa didn't exist. She asked me whether he did and I could tell that she still wanted to believe but was just looking for me to confirm that he did. I don't necessarily agree with outright lying and I know some parents don't agree with the whole Santa charade at all, but personally, I feel it adds a bit of "magic" to Christmas and would like to keep it up for as long as is reasonably possible. With that in mind, I just asked her how she thought the presents got there and who she thought ate the mince pie etc. and she seemed reassured that her friend must be wrong. I did tell her that some people chose to believe and others didn't and that it was up to her. This conversation also took place in front of 6 year old DS, so whilst I acknowledge that 9 is a reasonable age to start getting doubts, I really wanted to avoid planting any seeds of doubt in DS' mind.
DP was there during the convo. For clarity, he is not their dad and is a relatively new relationship (about 2 and half years but only involved with DCs for a year or so). During the convo and in front of both dcs, he starts shaking his head and saying "You should tell them the truth". I tried to shush him but DD asked him whether he 'believed' and he said he didn't because he was an adult. DD kept then asking me, getting quite upset and begging me to tell her the truth so I came clean at bedtime (just me and her) and we had a little cry about how she was growing up and a tiny bit of the magic would be gone for her and she must promise to go along with it all in front of DS until he's a bit older and starts having doubts his self. I was pissed off with DP but didn't really say anything.
So yesterday we were at a Xmas light switch on complete with the big, red fella. DS is excited and DD is playing along. DP then starts making comments again implying that he's not real. I asked him very calmly to please not express his cynicism in front of DS. He then proceeds to shout at me, telling me DS is a bright lad and will work it out for himself soon enough. It got quite heated and I've been offish with him today (hoping for an apology tbh). It's just blown up again and he's accused me of being a "psycho" about Christmas and said I'm making a big deal out of nothing. He reckons I put too much emphasis on Christmas and making it special and says I'm doing it to get one over on ex h 😵 (Blatantly not true btw. I've always loved Christmas).
Sorry. That was really long (and dull)
So AIBU? Or is he a twat??
AIBU?
AIBU to expect 'D'P to back me up on the Santa thing..?
Tillyscoutsmum · 26/11/2016 19:59
I'm jumping into the flow with a double twat and bell end nomination 
But on a less flippant note, poor you, horrible when someone who you had hope and affection for turns out to be a twat faced bellend. Bleugh.
You are right of course, you cannot have a man who can't control himself around your children. What kind of self centered twat face puts his own (random and excessively strong) desire to be a twat faced bellend above everyone else's needs? Who the fuck puts his own selfish urges above any common decency and respect for you, his partner? And how dare he rate his own weirdy needs to dominate and trample over his partners parenting decisions above a pair of young children's innocent joy in believing in Christmas?!
He sounds like a destroyer, not a builder. Does he get off on bringing other people down in life? Or has that annoying fallacy that he is the one true speaker of the truth? The elevation of 'telling it straight' to some kind of virtue or defining feature is selfish and mean. Disguising his kick out of spreading disillusionment and sucking out other people lightness and joy is really twatty wankerdom.
Sometimes you can get caught up in all the side issues and complicated stuff ... but basically, it sounds like he gets off on taking and destroying. You can't turn that person into a builder of love, respect and kindness. And if you try I think you'll get sucked dry (err, unfortunate phrasing when combined by the twatty bellend swearing, but you'll get what I mean I hope!)
Your family's Christmas will be much more magical when it's all about love and sharing. 
Haven't read the whole thread so I'm sorry if you've left him already and this is too late...
But oh my, he's vile. How dare he have the arrogance to say those things in front of your children!! I'm 
and he needs to be gone. Mean, disrespectful to you, spoiling precious times for your kids. Utter twat.
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He is an arse.
- He has no business trying to impose his view of this on your children.
- Being unable to keep his mouth shut in front of your Dcs shows remarkable lack of self control/ awareness.
- Shouting at you over this is abusive and unacceptable.
My personal opinion, which you are free to ignore as I am afterall, just a faceless stranger on the internet, is that you would do well to give yourself an early Christmas present and get shot of this man.
Sorry you've been having a shit time.
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