AIBU to expect 'D'P to back me up on the Santa thing..?

[Tillyscoutsmum]

Had the shittest week in a very shit year so may be over reacting (and happy to be told if that's the case but please be gentle 😢)

So DD is 9 (and a fairly "young" 9) She came home a couple years of weeks ago and said that one of her friends at school has told her Santa didn't exist. She asked me whether he did and I could tell that she still wanted to believe but was just looking for me to confirm that he did. I don't necessarily agree with outright lying and I know some parents don't agree with the whole Santa charade at all, but personally, I feel it adds a bit of "magic" to Christmas and would like to keep it up for as long as is reasonably possible. With that in mind, I just asked her how she thought the presents got there and who she thought ate the mince pie etc. and she seemed reassured that her friend must be wrong. I did tell her that some people chose to believe and others didn't and that it was up to her. This conversation also took place in front of 6 year old DS, so whilst I acknowledge that 9 is a reasonable age to start getting doubts, I really wanted to avoid planting any seeds of doubt in DS' mind.

DP was there during the convo. For clarity, he is not their dad and is a relatively new relationship (about 2 and half years but only involved with DCs for a year or so). During the convo and in front of both dcs, he starts shaking his head and saying "You should tell them the truth". I tried to shush him but DD asked him whether he 'believed' and he said he didn't because he was an adult. DD kept then asking me, getting quite upset and begging me to tell her the truth so I came clean at bedtime (just me and her) and we had a little cry about how she was growing up and a tiny bit of the magic would be gone for her and she must promise to go along with it all in front of DS until he's a bit older and starts having doubts his self. I was pissed off with DP but didn't really say anything.

So yesterday we were at a Xmas light switch on complete with the big, red fella. DS is excited and DD is playing along. DP then starts making comments again implying that he's not real. I asked him very calmly to please not express his cynicism in front of DS. He then proceeds to shout at me, telling me DS is a bright lad and will work it out for himself soon enough. It got quite heated and I've been offish with him today (hoping for an apology tbh). It's just blown up again and he's accused me of being a "psycho" about Christmas and said I'm making a big deal out of nothing. He reckons I put too much emphasis on Christmas and making it special and says I'm doing it to get one over on ex h 😵 (Blatantly not true btw. I've always loved Christmas).

Sorry. That was really long (and dull)

So AIBU? Or is he a twat??

[Pluto30]

What a dickhead.

He seems to get real joy out of ruining things for other people. Nobscrot.

[Fink]

I refuse to lie to my dc and do Santa (Christmas is 'magic' enough in reality without needing made-up stuff), but even I wouldn't contradict a parent in front of their own children (and would swiftly give dd the look if she tried to say anything). Your children, your choice.

[nichito]

Another who is not into the whole Father Christmas thing who nevertheless thinks he's a twat. I suspect this is merely a symptom of another deeper issue or neurosis on his part at least.

Also I got all choked up at onedayimightforget's link. In my defence I am 9 weeks pregnant, I normally have a heart of pumice.

[AcrossthePond55]

Santa and his apparent temper issues aside, what resonates with me is that a man who is NOT the children's father and has no business being involved in how you choose to raise them took it upon himself to decide that your child should no longer believe in Santa. That would NOT cut it with me and he would be gone. It may be Santa today, but tomorrow what is he going to decide it's his business to teach your child?

[Trumpity]

I'm not sure it's been said enough.

Twat
Twat
Twat

[yummumto3girls]

Oh dear, he has issues!! Obviously had a very different upbringing or can't stand the attention not being on him. Sounds like a future with him would be a constant drain on any fun!

[Yoarchie]

This is year 4 right?
I would say the majority of Y4 don't believe. A few do.
Anyway your dp was out of order saying anything in front of your 6yo, really mean.

[ChasedByBees]

I would LTB. He thinks he knows better than you about how to raise your children and actually overrides your decisions and undermines you. To hear he also shouts at you and points aggressively in an argument is not good at all. Your children - and you - should not be exposed to this.

[WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup]

What a horrible man!

[edwinbear]

I'll go with wanker, just for variety.

[Maria1982]

He's an idiot

And he shouted at you? In front of the kids? Not on

[dottycat123]

Both my ds and their school friends were believers until leaving junior school. They are now 14 and 18 and tell me they absolutely believed until year 6 . I didn't know any parents who thought it right to tell the truth, everyone went along with the story. Perhaps living in a rural shire county made them less sophisticated!

[RaspberryOverloadTheFirst]

This chap needs to be gone, sharpish. I agree he's a twat, bellend, etc, and has no business interfering with your parenting.

[mammybops]

The Christmas conflict aside this arsehole has undermined your parenting decisions in front of your children, publicly and aggressively when in private.

He has no respect for you or your children. For a minute fast forward 5 years when your eldest is asking about alcohol/sex/drugs. Do you really want this pathetic bully to have an influencing voice in your children's lives?

I'd give him a Christmas gift early. His bags packed and marching orders.

[AmysTiara]

He needs to mind his own business. Arrogant twat.

[BathshebaSnowflakeStone]

He's a twat. Or a cuntweasel.

[Ankleswingers]

How nasty is he ?? He'd be out on his ear it was me. Seriously, he doesn't care about your DC or their feelings. Or yours for that matter.



Fucking hell, he is an arsehole isn't he?

[SoEverybodyDance]

Does your DP have some unresolved issues around his childhood? Was he brought up in an environment where children were not valued? Perhaps his parents were aggressive with him when he was growing up and this is where his attitude comes from? Or maybe it's jealousy because he wasn't considered precious or he dislikes having your kids around.

Either way, his aggression with you, and especially in front of your kids, is bad news for you and your family. Is he being aggressive with your kids when you are not around? Do you trust him around them? Are they happy with that kind of interference in your/their lives? Is this kind of behaviour a good example for your daughter and (especially) son to witness? These are the questions I'd be asking myself if I was in your shoes. It's tough, good luck with it...

And I love the magic maker too - what a perfect way of mitigating disappointment!

[gillybeanz]

he has no right to interfere in the way you raise YOUR children, he needs to realise this or ship out.
Shouting at you is a no no and I'd be showing him the door if he shouted once more.
What a shit.

[Embolio]

Asshole. Tell him to get tae fuck.

[Pineapplemilkshake]

He's a W⚓️

Sorry I've been wanting to use that for a while

[altiara]

TWAT! It's none of his business. A private word is enough to tell you what he thinks. And to bring up your ex as well, just odd. Maybe your DCs dad wants them still to believe in Santa and to have a magical Christmas while they're little. Did he think of that?

[Tenementfunster]

What a nasty bastard. Best gift for Xmas would be him gone from your lives. Once your daughter gets old enough to challenge him he'll be shooting her down in flames too.
What a wanker

[missm0use]

Twat McTwaterson!!

[allowlsthinkalot]

We don't do Santa here and I say LTB. What a fuck wit.