AIBU to expect 'D'P to back me up on the Santa thing..?

[Tillyscoutsmum]

Had the shittest week in a very shit year so may be over reacting (and happy to be told if that's the case but please be gentle 😢)

So DD is 9 (and a fairly "young" 9) She came home a couple years of weeks ago and said that one of her friends at school has told her Santa didn't exist. She asked me whether he did and I could tell that she still wanted to believe but was just looking for me to confirm that he did. I don't necessarily agree with outright lying and I know some parents don't agree with the whole Santa charade at all, but personally, I feel it adds a bit of "magic" to Christmas and would like to keep it up for as long as is reasonably possible. With that in mind, I just asked her how she thought the presents got there and who she thought ate the mince pie etc. and she seemed reassured that her friend must be wrong. I did tell her that some people chose to believe and others didn't and that it was up to her. This conversation also took place in front of 6 year old DS, so whilst I acknowledge that 9 is a reasonable age to start getting doubts, I really wanted to avoid planting any seeds of doubt in DS' mind.

DP was there during the convo. For clarity, he is not their dad and is a relatively new relationship (about 2 and half years but only involved with DCs for a year or so). During the convo and in front of both dcs, he starts shaking his head and saying "You should tell them the truth". I tried to shush him but DD asked him whether he 'believed' and he said he didn't because he was an adult. DD kept then asking me, getting quite upset and begging me to tell her the truth so I came clean at bedtime (just me and her) and we had a little cry about how she was growing up and a tiny bit of the magic would be gone for her and she must promise to go along with it all in front of DS until he's a bit older and starts having doubts his self. I was pissed off with DP but didn't really say anything.

So yesterday we were at a Xmas light switch on complete with the big, red fella. DS is excited and DD is playing along. DP then starts making comments again implying that he's not real. I asked him very calmly to please not express his cynicism in front of DS. He then proceeds to shout at me, telling me DS is a bright lad and will work it out for himself soon enough. It got quite heated and I've been offish with him today (hoping for an apology tbh). It's just blown up again and he's accused me of being a "psycho" about Christmas and said I'm making a big deal out of nothing. He reckons I put too much emphasis on Christmas and making it special and says I'm doing it to get one over on ex h 😵 (Blatantly not true btw. I've always loved Christmas).

Sorry. That was really long (and dull)

So AIBU? Or is he a twat??

[Trifleorbust]

Big twat.

[Tillyscoutsmum]

VoyageofDad - I suspect his side would be that I should be honest with them and not lie. Absolutely fair enough. But express that opinion to me. When they're not there. And without shouting and finger wagging. And respect that it is ultimately my call on what I do or don't tell them. Not his.

[MistressMerryWeather]

I can't think of one side of this story where it would be any of his business.

[Boygirlmummy]

Fucking twat. LTB. What an absolute fucker.

[MooPointCowsOpinion]

Definitely a twat.

The reasons being: shouting at you in front of your kids; acting like he has any say in your parenting choices; being unable to communicate in an adult fashion when things aren't all rosy; clearly having issue with your ex and bringing him into an argument; showing he has terrible manners through finger pointing.

Nothing redeeming about him at all. Get rid. Then come back and tell us how badly he took it, I bet he pulls on his own testicles or screams that he's going to tell his mum on you or passive aggressively starts to wet his own bed. Tantrum city.

(In all seriousness though if you have any reason to think that he would be violent have a friend nearby when you dump him, or do it via a phone call and have the locks changed if he has a key)

[MistressMerryWeather]

X post, OP.

Exactly.

[EdmundCleverClogs]

Another who doesn't do the whole Santa thing, but still thinks he's a twat. You've established your family's traditions over this, who the hell does he think he is coming in and dictating how and what you believe/do at Christmas? I'd be worried about what else he'd start shouting his 'opinion' over, now he thinks he has his feet under the table.

[lorelairoryemily]

He's a twat. Of course you want to keep the magic going as long as possible, we all do!! They're not even his kids, not that it would make him right anyway. If he undermined you so freely about that what else will he go against you on. He's an ass

[cheweduprope]

Massive twat.

Totally unnecessary and mean.

[SausageSoda]

Massive twat and quite spiteful and mean towards your DC to do that infront of them.

[ShowMePotatoSalad]

I don't understand why he can't have a private conversation with you instead of steaming in. He's undermining you big time.

[mrsnoon]

What a thoroughly nasty thing to do to your children. I'm gutted for your DD to have to find out like that. LTB. And enjoy making Christmas special and magical for your kids without this joy sucking arsehead.

[doubletrouble41]

yup, sorry, hes a twat.

[TrinityForce]

Wow, can't believe he thinks it's OK to shout at you.

[TheExecutionerQueenMortificado]

Thinking differently on santa is one thing. Agree he should've discussed it later with you.

But saying you are trying to get one over on your ex and that you are a psycho about xmas is really belittling of him. He sounds unkind. Do you want to be with someone unkind?

[PurpleDaisies]

What are you going to be doing next op?

[PutUpWithRain]

Going against the flow here to call him a bellend. A bellend with a crusty rind of knobcheese.

But good that you know that now, instead of later!

[PurpleDaisies]

Almost every single poster thinks the op's partner was on the wrong putupwithrain. I'm not sure you're going against the flow...

[Blatherskite]

Ah but everyone else went with twat while PutUp went for Bellend.

[Glamorousglitter]

He sounds like a twat. Get rid. X

[TheExecutionerQueenMortificado]

She meant by using bellend not twat, purple!

[PurpleDaisies]

Ah! Sometimes those don't across when they're written down.

[pumpkinsweetie]

Twat definetely!! Especially as your young DS was in the room! No tact at all and completely mean!

[BearGryllsHasaBigRope]

He is a twat, and has been both unkind to your children, and unkind to their mother in front of them. Is this someone you really want to team up with while you bring them up? Because he doesn't sound like a massively great addition to your family from what you've said.

[Sybys]

I was ready to be on his side; I roll my eyes about kids 'losing the magic ' and stuff like that.

But he sounds a twat tbh.