to think this is an inappropriately harsh punishment?

[whoseafraidofnaomiwolf]

I'm not sure whether I'm being a bit PLB about this situation (I suspect I might be) so am coming to the wider community of wise women for advice.

Background: PLB DS3(13) is generally a good child, well mannered, bright, funny, kind, and conscientious with his school work. He's popular with the other kids and teachers alike. Not a stealth boast (though I know it sounds that way) he's just one of those children. Yesterday at school he and his friends were mucking about at lunch time - one friend was pinching crisps and then the others would 'chase' him to get them back - all very good natured (I'm told) and within the realm of normal boyish horseplay. In this theme, one friend went to 'run away' and DS grabbed at him to stop him. He grabbed the strap of his backpack. Friend was halted in his tracks, staggered back then fell back and hit the back of head on a wooden bench causing a cut and a nasty bump. DS was horrified, apologised immediately and took friend to school first aid where he was cared for and his parents were called to take him home. DS was asked to write a report on his part in the incident.

Later yesterday afternoon my DH got a phonemail from school and I received an email to say that there had been an incident and that the school was giving DS a 'gross misconduct' for assault of another pupil. This is the most severe form of punishment the school gives before exclusion, it will stay on his school record until he leaves, and involves spending a day in isolation.

We have spoken to DS about this incident in stern terms. We've discussed actions and consequences and DS has messaged his friend to apologise and ensure that he is well (friend went home after incident). Friend is well and messaged back that he hoped DS hadn't got into trouble as it wasn't his fault. I've messaged friends Mum to acknowledge incident and express apologies & assurances that DS has been spoken to.

DS has never been in any sort of trouble before, not even a detention. I've warned him that he may just have to suck-up the punishment, but inside I am cross at how the school has handled this and escalated boisterous behaviour into something verging on criminal. AIBU to think that this is too extreme, and that it would be more appropriate for the school to be issuing him a warning - which the school behaviour policy says should come in the form of a 'yellow card' or 'red card'?

DS's isolation is due to happen on Monday, AIABU to go with him to school early on Monday with the aim of discussing this with year head to try and get punishment downgraded before he does 'time' for it? If IANBU then how would you approach defending your DC in this situation?

The fact that this has happened on a Friday and they propose punishment on the following Monday doesn't help as there's no-one available over the weekend to speak to.

My friends that are teachers say they spend a lot of their own money having spare equipment available, govt don't supply

Only one person per lesson without a pen? Hah, if you think that's how bad it can get, no wonder people don't understand schools getting to the point where they are issuing sanctions for no pen. On a good day and in a good class there will be at least one person without a pen. Lost. Run out. Exploded. Stolen. It's more than irritating.

tell them to borrow one from a peer. It's far better to teach cooperative working - that's a skill they can take in the workforce.

Anyway we digress! This was certainly more than a pen incident! I just think this has been harsh to use as an example.

I'm more of a punishment fits the crime type person. I still prefer and use the old school version of behave yourself inside or have to take break outside - they soon learn when like now it's 2° out!

A colleague of mine had to lend eight pens in one lesson on a day when only 12 of her class were present as the rest were in science ISAs. Our school doesn't have a set sanction for equipment missing but most of us will give a detention if a kid has no pen two lessons in a row. i wouldn't make a fuss over a one off, everyone is human and pens can break or be forgotten as a one off, but would expect them to sort a replacement or remember to bring it by the next time I teach them a few days or a week later. Habitually turning up to class unprepared to work and learn is disrespectful IMO.

tell them to borrow one from a peer

I don't usually lend pens. However with some classes you tell them to borrow one and ten minutes later ask why they haven't done any work and it's because 'no one would lend me a pen'.

That sort of thing can easily grind you down to the point where it's 'right, anyone without a pen gets a detention'

Just like some people don't understand why boys 'horseplay' might warrant a strong sanction. When you are constantly dealing with boys behaving like dicks to each other, sympathy will be running pretty short when it inevitably ends badly.

Seriously? You are going to attempt to get punishment "downgraded" ? I really can't believe that people are taking this thread seriously. I have taught in a secondary school and horseplay is something that frequently crops up with teenage boys - although it's rarely done with the intention to cause harm, it often does result in nasty injuries. The students are taught the rules and understand the consequences. I do so hope you don't insist on wasting the school's time and attempt to circumvent
the system that has been put in place to protect your son and other children.

'I'm more of a punishment fits the crime type person.'

The kid that was injured had his head bust open! ONE DAY of not being able to muck about with mates in class is hardly chained to a wall and fed gruel!

Honestly? I think it was too lenient!

youarenotkiddingme

I once worked out that I spent £60 a term on stationary for children whose parents couldn't be arsed to supply them with pens

It was early in my career and I quickly decided (4 years in) to stop.

In addition to noble's points, some pupils will take that as an opportunity to disrupt and wander about.

Oh god yeah boney ten minutes later 'Billy why are you out of your seat' "I'm just borrowing a pen like you told me to" as they talk to every kid in the class. And no one wants to lend him a pen because they'll never see it again so you end up lending him one anyway, which you then never see again.
I spent a lot on pens in the early years too. No more! They get a scraggy one that I found on the floor and are told that beggars can't be choosers when they complain.

It was more of a response to the person who said they didn't understand why schools issued punishments for not having a pen.

Then we are in agreement!

OK, since there are lots of teachers contributing here.

My son/PLB (yr 8)has executive functioning difficulties (as diagnosed by Ed.Psych) basically is very prone to losing things and having trouble getting organised/being places on time.
He is picking up loads of behaviour marks which add up to detentions for no pen, no green pen, no planner, late to lesson etc. He loses pens faster than we can replenish them (we have boxes of 50 at home) and often we find he had the missing thing all the time, just could not find it in his bag when put on the spot.

Half of me thinks good luck to school in motivating him to try and overcome his difficulty to some extent, (and sympathises with endlessly patient teachers) the other half thinks he is being set up to fail as it is much harder for him achieve the expectations, and he is going to end up in isolations having his learning and routine disrupted. Should I ask school to ease up?

one friend went to 'run away' and DS grabbed at him to stop him. He grabbed the strap of his backpack. Friend was halted in his tracks, staggered back then fell back [OP]

So he didn't mean to grab his friend's bag straps and pull him over?
[Stonecircle]

Correct.
And we do not know if he 'pulled him' hard backwards. That is something you made up.

It is actually really easy to knock someone over when they are carrying a backpack. You could jostle them by accident. The weight of the backpack makes it hard to keep your balance.

I was once standing on an escalator with a backpack on when someone overtaking me brushed past and almost sent me flying backwards. I was holding the handrail but my backpack was heavy and I had a precarious few moments when I thought I would end up dead.

The school has set up conditions that contribute to a dangerous situation here, by not providing a place where students can safely stash their backpacks.

Yes you should, RaisingSteam.

No it is not an overreaction, yes it is fair.

Your son and his friends were putting people in danger, whether they realised it or not.

within the realm of normal boyish horseplay

Boyish horseplay in schools is dangerous, this is why some school now have 'no touching' rules.
Were they inside? If so that makes it even more dangerous and a reason schools don't allow children to run in the corridors.

Noblegiraffe, every single school I have ever attended or had anything to do with has had lockers and all were used to stow bags, jackets, art stuff, PE gear, etc.

Forcing children to go outdoors with backpacks on and stand around in the cold for the lunch hour is a half arsed approach to the school's duty to the students.

stripystars Sun 27-Nov-16 09:22:01

[Mathanxiety] I hope the parent group is successful in their efforts to rein in the new deputy head.

[Stripystars] There it is, right there, the reason why teachers are leaving the profession in droves and behaviour is so poor in schools. You know nothing about this school and have heard one side of an anecdote from an aggrieved parent and you feel qualified to make a sweeping statement like that.
If a new deputy is making stringent changes like those described, it will be because there is an issue and part of his remit will be to tackle it.
You know nothing about the school yourself, and yet you have boldly stated as fact something you have actually made up.

There may well be a hard core of (probably) boys behaving inappropriately when tackling in PE, but yes, go ahead, say it's ridiculous if you like.
Another assumption but this one based on prejudice?
'Ridiculous' certainly springs to mind.

This deputy is highly unlikely to be some power-mad loon hell-bent on tormenting the innocent young darlings of the school just for shits and giggles.
This deputy is more than likely to be trying to assert his or her authority in their new position, in an amateurish way, by inventing new rules and throwing his or her weight around seeing to it that transgressors are made examples of. I have seen this phenomenon quite a few times (hellooo Mrs Schmidt, Mrs Adams and Mr Dennehy) and have seen uniform changes used for the same reason by new HTs and new academy admins.

But yes, lets hope all the parents make his or her job impossible and behaviour can continue to decline. Any issues are 'the school's fault', but god forbid they try and do something about it.
You have no idea if behaviour is declining.

And yes, issues sometimes are the school's fault, particularly when power goes to new deputy heads' heads.

Math

As far as I can see you are the one that brought lockers up, the OP hasn't mentioned them.

We have lockers at my school. I don't know a single kid that puts their bag in there at break and lunch. They might put their heavier textbooks in there but all choose to keep their bags with them at lunch.
I think the idea that this is a new DHT throwing their weight around is unfair. The punishment given here is far more lenient than we would give at my school and I wouldn't say we are especially strict (second chances are given for equipment and homework for example). A 3 day exclusion would be the norm for a similar incident. If I moved to a new school as a DHT I wouldn't think twice about giving a day in isolation for an incident like that and I would think I was being very lenient. If a parent then came in to complain I'd probably be a bit bemused tbh. I'd insist the punishment stands and the record of the incident (you can't take incidents off the records of "nice" kids) as we don't need parental approval for any of that. But I would make sure that there was detail of what happened not just the word "assault" so that anyone looking at it later would know the context. If the parent wasn't happy with that I'd shrug, accept you can't always please everyone and pass them on to the HT.

Not sure why the locker debate is rumbling on. But none of my 3, who all went to a school with lockers (the youngest is in year 13) ever used them beyond year 7. Music and sport equipment could be left in the relevant department but lockers were never used.

One day is very lenient and it would most definitely have been longer at our school. Schools will also have set categories for different behaviours (e.g. Assault, theft, racism etc) with fuller details, as Fuzzy says, being given on a student's record or in a report to governors.

Raising I would contact the school to mention the diagnosis and the problems it causes. Say you do all you can to help him remember stuff. (Did the ed psych have suggestions?) And ask if they have any suggestions and ask if there's anything further you can do to help.

I've just been informed that this is actually another craze like the bottle flip. It's called the backpack challenge and the entire idea is to make someone fall over backwards by pulling the straps on the rucksack.
I doubt this was an accident at all.