"because you're weird"

[Auti]

from my 9yo DD

this isnt really an AIBU, I just didn't know where to put this-she said that less than hour ago.

I have Aspergers and daily feel useless and like a failure. Im used to that.

However DD saying Im weird really hurts like fucking hell.

As you where

What is normal?

Normal is a setting on a washing machine.

Children can be very mean at times. does she know it upset you? She's old enough to understand that words can hurt and to think before she speaks.

Ach, I've not got aspergers and my daughters said that to me, it's just something kids say, whenever I give her a rollicking for something she'd tell me I was weird. Don't stress it.

Sorry you're feeling hurt by this.

I would encourage you to use your weird to your advantage. Wave your freak flag high! Celebrate your idiosyncrasies!

Turn it into a joke if you can and something your dd considers weird, make it bigger, louder and funny and show that you don't take it too seriously, that you love yourself.

For example. DH can't dance according to DS. DH will now dance AT him whenever he can and he will throw all the shapes at him!

DS calls me Slightly Fat. And also Mean, sometimes. He loves me really, and I adore the bones of him.

Oh, and his DDad isn't allowed to dance in his presence.

More

I think most people are weird tbh whether they have asd or not.

As a parent, you are doing your job perfectly if your tween thinks you're weird

Oh and I think as parents we are unbelievably weird to our children.

I don't have Aspergers and all 3 of my kids (and my 3 nieces) have called me weird at some point in time

I crack a joke = Weird

I like herbs on my cheese on toast = Weird

I like a song/film = Weird

I don't like tattoos = Weird

The list is bloody endless. I think mostly, anything that's different is weird and that will include people.

It's easier said than done I'm sure, but try not to take it heart OP as it might have nothing at all to do with your Aspergers

My DC say stuff like this to me all the time (and DH) - I love that they are secure enough in our love for them that they can tease/be silly with us.

Honestly she is being affectionate - parents are meant to start being embarrassing around this age!

My dad was weird, my mums weird, my gf is weird, I'm very weird.

Be proud of the weird, it's a compliment.

Ah, I'm 99% certain I'm an Aspie too and I have decided to Embrace The Weird.

Weird's good. Who wants to be normal?

My DCs are a similar age and say random stuff they don't mean all the time for effect. Little weirdos.

We all call each other weird here lol xx don't worry it seems to be a big part of pre-teen vocab!

What's normal anyway

And if there is a normal then your dc thinking your weird is probably it !

Apparently im weird . And a poo poo head

The thing is, everyone is a bit wierd - even without having any lables:

I (male) couldn't give a shiny shite about football - wierd
I like everything to do with buses - wierd
I like mumsnet (again - male) - wierd.

DD says to me "dad, your not old - you're REALLY old"

Chin up.

Well, there's 2 things off that list you have in common with DS1, topcat :o

(not that he's any sort of reliable yardstick of "not the least bit weird"!)

My kids are always saying I'm weird. To THEM, I am weird. I don't binge eat chocolate, even though I'm allowed to. I spend a long time on my homework, even though I don't get detentions. I don't have McDonald's every day, even though it's up to me what we eat for tea, always.

To the children, that is weird. They have no experience of being an adult, they have no experience of being ME, so they don't understand my motivations. Therefore, my choices are (to them) weird.

I think it is probably similar with your daughter. She doesn't understand WHY you make certain choices, and maybe your Aspergers is impacting your ability to understand that SHE doesn't understand, and therefore when she calls you weird, it feels personal.

Added to this, "Weird" is a word used as an insult at secondary schools and people who have Aspergers or other neurodiversities are naturally fed up of hearing it.

Sorry you were upset by this.
I have a friend with AS and he and I constantly torment each other about how weird/odd the other is. He'll call me a freak and I'll call him a weirdo. However, we have known each other a long time, it is all done without malice and we both know that.
Unfortunately children don't understand the impact of what they say, and how it makes you feel, particularly when you've been putting yourself out on their behalf all the time.
DD (5) didn't like her dinner tonight. I felt ill all day but got up, made her packed lunch, got her ready for school, spent all day doing things for her at home (which she can't do herself), then cooked a meal from scratch. She took one mouthful and pronounced it 'yuk' then proceeded to be argumentative and rude to me. I felt really hurt and went off to another room for 10 minutes.

My children told me I was weird just for liking to read, or suggesting that they could tidy their rooms occasionally. I wouldn't worry about it, OP.

Oh, love.

Weird is underrated IMO.

My DSs call me weird, old (no, they call me 'OOOOOOOLD'), 'worst mummy' and all sorts.

Weird is good.
Old is inevitable.
And 'worst mummy' is for saying 'no' to sweeties before dinner

She loves you really

I would tell your DD that saying someone is 'wierd' (disclaimer - when used as an insult, not in a teenage ironic kind of way) is considered rude, just like Fat or Stupid or Smelly, so it would be good if she didn't say it again.

Kids do call their parents weird. It is bog standard kid insult, as is Worst Parent in the World, So Cold (teenage time that starts) So Smothering ( another teen one), Embarrassing, Not like the parents of Everyone-else-I-know (mythical child everyone knows but no one meets, twin of No-one-in-my-class-except-me, another figment of imagination called as witness almost daily). Soon the cry will be (usually on slamming out of the room/yanking open fridge door etc) 'I didn't ask to be born!' (It is useless pointing out that no one ever in the history of the world ever did because the next cry is Why Didn't You Have Me Adopted?)

Hope this helps. Sooner or later it all resolves into the same old 'I love you can I get a lift?'

My daughter has complex learning disabilities and she also has some very odd quirks, also she's into the metal/goth/rockabiily clothing and gets called weird all the time.

I also have been called weird and some other quite hurtful names. But I've a saying "weird is the new awesome" and that being different is what makes us us!!!!.

So we're not weird we're awesome.