"because you're weird"

[Auti]

from my 9yo DD

this isnt really an AIBU, I just didn't know where to put this-she said that less than hour ago.

I have Aspergers and daily feel useless and like a failure. Im used to that.

However DD saying Im weird really hurts like fucking hell.



As you where

[pklme]

Just enjoy being weird!
DS2 occasionally upsets me, I choose to handle it with humour, because I know he loves me.

DS1 called me an ugly old troll, and 'worse than the dursleys', in his HP phase. I was simultaneously gutted, and thrilled at his creativity.

[PacificDogwod]

Are you familiar with this book? - 'Get out of my life, but first take me and Alex to town'

It explains a lot about teens and, IMO, tweens too.

[ShoopyShoopyDoopDoop]

Auti

I know that all the NTs replying are trying to reassure you that your child would tell you you're weird whatever your neurological status. I also know that it won't make a scrap of difference to you because of the effort of making an effort to fit in and not 'appear' different every day and that you worry because sometimes you feel 'weird' and it's fucking hard going through life feeling like that at times. It is something that children say, but when you know that they are referring to something 'real', it does change things a bit.

I have AS. My son has a different neurological condition, but I suspect he also has undiagnosed AS. We celebrate the fact that we are a neurodiverse household and that that means we are sometimes a bit 'quirky' and 'weird' and that we have rules that other houses don't have, for example.

But my daughter is a bit disappointed that she's the only one who isn't 'special'.

Nowt you can do about it, so embrace the weird, I say

[JennyPocket]

stars etc but there's a difference between being called Wierd in an ironic kind of way, and weird as an insult meaning, freaky/against the norm/not nice. It's all about context and expression. It sounds like OP felt her DD was meaning it in the second kind of way and that's not on.

Maybe her DD did mean it ironically, maybe she didn't. But it's not a bad idea for her to find a different expression if it upsets her mum, and OP is definitely within her rights to explain that even jokingly, she doesn't like being called Wierd. (maybe that will change as time goes on but coming from a 9 yo, rather than a 14yo +, it probably does feel a bit insulting rather than amusing.

[TimTamTerrier]

My DD calls me weird all the time, if I sing, or if I like a different food from her for instance. I say "Yes I am" and make mmmm noises while I eat the food that she hates. I choose to think of it as a term of endearment.

[JennyPocket]

Thinking about it, if my 9yo called me wierd and actually meant it, it would probably upset me to some degree too. If it was my 15yo saying it because I was singing along to Boyzone or something then I would be kind of enjoy it.

[TimTamTerrier]

I do get that it can be a trigger word for some people, but a lot of what kids say is boundary testing or just because they are annoyed and want their parents to be annoyed too. Both of my DC are adopted and the older one occasionally says that I'm not his real mum and he doesn't love me, but I don't let it show that it's a hurtful thing and I generally just counter it by saying "well I love you" or "yes I am your Mum, the judge said so". It's a trigger for me, but no more deeply meant for him than when he tells me I can't sing (at least I hope that's the case).

[Mysticstar13]

Also forgot to add. My eldest son has autism with a few other things thrown in. The other week his friends girlfriend made a comment that really hurt me, she complained that he was creepy. He is anything far from creepy, ( he to at times thinks he's useless and a failure because he can't cope with people)

Neither of you are for you are you and your family love you.

My youngest asked me why I was fat ......... ( I've put loads on since having the implant fitted and there is no way I'm trying to explain that to a 11yr old boy ) told him I'd eaten to many sweets when I was younger and that's why we don't allow them.

[clmustard]

I am sorry you are sad. But you know what, as I said to my councillor, weird is good. Weird is truthful and honest. Weird is raw and weird is standing out from the crowd and individuality. Weird is something to aspire to.

[starsorwater]

I think you are sensitised to 'weird' and that's why it hurt, not that it was particularly meant. I am sensitised to the 'adopted' one and it gets me very hard.

[IminaPickle]

I hate that word. So overused by children and teenagers. What it men's is 'I'm our of my comfort zone and can't be bothered to find out more

[Cagliostro]

If people call me weird, I say thanks!

I have Aspergers too. I embrace my weirdness, words like geek and nerd etc are a compliment in our house. I have been much happier since I was diagnosed (age 27!) and I no longer feel I have to apologise for not being normal.

I totally understand why you are upset though if your DD meant it unkindly. I think 9 is a tricky age especially for girls, with peer pressure etc and it's possible she is feeling more concerned about what people think of her etc. x

[WorraLiberty]

I like everything to do with buses - wierd

Can I just say TopCat, that is indeed very very weird

[lovingmyginandiphone]

My 7 year old was worried that I would stop being weird when I'm older..... she genuinely worries that I will be old and boring when she's 17!!

[Haudyerwheesht]

You're taking this to heart too much, DC always think their parents are weird

[PickAChew]

You see, worra , I'm actually rather enjoying sharing DS1's bus bashing with him and we're looking forward to trying out a few demonstrator buses in the region, in the next week or so - catching Pokemon as we go, of course :o

What I don't know about buses, via being his mum, really isn't worth knowing. Trust me ;)

[NinjaLeprechaun]

"You're weird" is a statement of affection in my family. Some of us have a reason to be weird and others are weird with no discernible cause, but it's usually always described as a positive trait. Completely intended to 'embrace the weird' that I can't avoid anyway.

When my daughter was your daughter's age somebody "helpful" my mum explained that my brain didn't work the same way as neurotypical people's brains and Daughter chose to interpret that slightly differently than intended.
At least your daughter 'only' calls you weird and doesn't inform you that "your brain is broken" whenever she disagrees with you.

[timelytess]

I have Aspergers and daily feel useless and like a failure

I spent a lot of my life feeling like that. Counselling helps. And mixing with other Aspies.

And get one of these badge

[CalmItKermitt]

It goes with the territory. My 13 year old calls me weird allllllllll the time 🙄

I tell him he'll miss my weirdness when I'm dead and he should be grateful I'm not boring.

[PenguinsandPebbles]

IMO

Everyone is weird, it's called being human

The only "normal" people are the ones you don't know very well.

[RoseGoldHippie]

I'm weird!! Own it OP it would be boring if everyone were 'normal' (whatever the fuck that is!)

[Cucumber5]

We are ALL weird!!! Show me one 'normal' person! You can't because they don't exist. What really matters is kindness and supporting the Ines we love

[Ohyesiam]

Be weird, and hang out )with other weird people. It's the way forward.
Normal people scare me ( I think because they are weird people really, but they don't approve of it, so they put on a mask, and try to second guess how to make you approve of them instead).
So please, be your lovely weird self.

[previously1474907171]

I am weird. I take it as a compliment, I don't want to be like everyone else.

Use it to your advantage, it is not a bad thing.

[TheFormidableMrsC]

OP my son has Aspergers, granted he is only 5, but does take certain comments very seriously and very differently to how neuro-typical children would. I think what your DD has said is normal for a child of that age, my God I am the weirdest mother ever according to my DD and given the amount of posts saying the same, you're not alone. I suspect your perception of the comment is just different and I would try very hard not to take it to heart. She will come out with far worse as she gets older and it will be nothing to do with your Aspergers and more to do with the general challenges of kids!