School telling me what title I should use

[mumofone1234]

My child started a new school in September. A few weeks into the new term I received an email from the school saying that they would like to change the title they have for me on their records from 'Ms' to 'Mrs' and if I am not happy with this then to reply to the email. I replied saying I would like to keep 'Ms' thank you very much. All has been fine since then. All communication has said 'Ms'.
.
Today I get a letter addressed to 'Mrs Mumofone1234'? AIBU to wonder why on earth they care what title I assign myself? Is this a stealth way of finding out the marital status of parents? (It is a hard to get into school that goes off church attendance).

[Oldraver]

For some reason a few years ago BT got it into their heads I was Lady Oldraver...I think coz it sounds like my first name.

I haven't corrected them and refused to go paperless so I had a letter to Lady Oldraver

[PlanIsNoPlan]

Or 'El Supremo Supremo Absolute Confirmed'.......

[ShowMePotatoSalad]

"The Rt Honorable"

[mumofone1234]

I really wish I had kept my surname when I got married. The brainwashing had made me think that it was important to change your name and become Mrs. Even though my new surname is awful!!!! (he agrees and says he wishes he could have changed to my surname). Durrr! I just thought that was how you had to do things.

[IAmAmy]

All these cases of women being referred to as "Mrs Husbandsname" when it's not even their name infuriates me. Utterly sexist and demeaning. It's bad enough women are still often expected and pressured into changing surnames upon marriage without various bodies deciding we have anyway when we don't. If I marry and anyone does this to me I will kick off, complain, and stop using their services.

[CharliePurple]

My new title is mafiosa, I'm emailing the school now....I dare them to complain.

[DefinitelyNotAJourno]

Why use a title at all?
What value does a title really bring?

Address the envelope Joan Smith, and begin the letter Dear Joan.

Why does the gender or marital status deserve a mention at all?

[ShowMePotatoSalad]

I was on the phone to the nurse about DS once and she called me "Mrs surname" and I said "ooh, actually I'm miss such and such" and she went "oh" but in a voice like she'd just found a turd under her desk.

[IAmAmy]

He could have changed to your surname! Men should do this in the same numbers women change theirs. There is absolutely no reason why they shouldn't. I'm becoming increasingly determined that a future husband will change his surname to mine.

[AuntDotsie]

Mafiosa - brilliant!

[EveOnline2016]

It really gets on my nerves.

I'm Mrs by choice, not Ms or miss. Society says we must have a title so show us the respect and use our preferred title.

[Lorelei76]

Plan, so as single by choice, no make up person you're okay with me using Ms?

[IAmAmy]

Why don't men have a different title before they marry to when they are married as default?

[Lorelei76]

OP, brainwashing to change your surname? Brainwashing from...?

[PlanIsNoPlan]

There's still time fone, particularly as DH agrees. Change your names by deed poll to Mx & Mx fonemaidename or 'our own name that we really like'.

[Lorelei76]

Amy, because their legal status didn't change on marriage, they weren't swapping owners.

[BerylStreep]

Actually, my DH's letters really are MAFIA

[IAmAmy]

Lorelei quite. This shows the very existence of the titles "Miss" and "Mrs" is a sign of patriarchy and the subordination of women. Such clear sexism, in 2016, so accepted. Infuriating.

[mumofone1234]

If I complained about this I'm pretty sure the reaction will be like that of MissNucky (yes, called her Miss on purpose as apparently it's not something to get your knicks in a twist over when someone gets it wrong).

They'll have me down as a feminist lesbian (I'm sorry if that is offensive to anybody.. I just mean that is what gets said when you try to speak out against misogyny.) IME its women that are quicker to come down on you than men, so brainwashed are we. This particular issue may seem 'trivial' but tbh it really isn't. Your very name displays your marital status form the very first introduction if you are a women, but not if you are a man?! People can't see why this is sexist. In fact they actually like the patriarchy of it. They like the namechange signalling that they are now a married woman...ooh, how exciting..it's all part of the wedding/new marriage!

[Lorelei76]

Amy, indeed and so welcomed by women. Hence, Trump. ( no that's not the sound of me farting in disgust though I might as well!)

[BerylStreep]

Eveonline2016 are you saying that people refer to you as Ms when you have specified Mrs?

I often write minutes / letters for work purposes, and unless info\rmed otherwise, I refer to all females as Ms. I can't for a second think that it is my business to ask people in a professional setting what their current marital status is for the purposes of minutes.

[mumofone1234]

Lorelei just brainwashing from all the messages I received growing up that you are Miss as a little girl then become Mrs Husbandsname when you grow up and get married.

[mumofone1234]

I thought that was just The Way It Was Done.

[PlanIsNoPlan]

Lorelei I'm fine with you being a 'Ms' and Eve being a Mrs, but it's the need to question people's preference that irks me. Furthermore (not directed at you) that besides the 'fun and very worthy' suggestions given above, for men it's just a plain old Mr. Maybe all those men would like a choice too. Maybe the computers would get too confused by the myriad of choices that could be possible. Mx all the way for me now people. A bloody decent suggestion of a new idea....so simple too

[mumofone1234]

Well, if we're going to use 'Mx', why not do away with titles all together? (I will be using Mx until this happens)