School telling me what title I should use

[mumofone1234]

My child started a new school in September. A few weeks into the new term I received an email from the school saying that they would like to change the title they have for me on their records from 'Ms' to 'Mrs' and if I am not happy with this then to reply to the email. I replied saying I would like to keep 'Ms' thank you very much. All has been fine since then. All communication has said 'Ms'.
.
Today I get a letter addressed to 'Mrs Mumofone1234'? AIBU to wonder why on earth they care what title I assign myself? Is this a stealth way of finding out the marital status of parents? (It is a hard to get into school that goes off church attendance).

Aah, you're right, lorelei. I remember briefly becoming Ms in my teens after reading Jessica Wakefield say that she was 'Ms' when someone referred to her as 'Miss'.

Amy, I think we met before talking about Theresa May?

The point is men are only "Mr" and so women should only be "Ms". "Miss" and "Mrs" only exist due to patriarchy and the subordination of women.

It utterly infuriates me that in this day and age there are people who won't accept anything other than Mrs or Miss. I once didn't book a holiday because the company flat out refused to address me as Ms in their emails. I had a fight with them over it and they still wouldn't budge.

If I have to fill out a form without Ms as an option, I simply choose Mr. It's fun when combined with my very feminine first name, especially if the form also asks for gender.

madam the older generation will think its an indignity to be thought of as never being married. I don't think men care so much. Clever, this idea to rank us in order of on-the -shelfness and keep us in our place!

Lorelei about it being frustrating the most notable politician in the country is a "Mrs"? Indeed!

Good idea, littleprincess. Titles aren't legal entities, so you can choose what you want. I will be having fun in future with them

Madam, so why the blush that you default men to Mr? I don't get it.

I hate the casual discrimination in threads like these. Why is there an automatic assumption that a CofE school is going to prefer Mrs. Why would they care, sounds like clerical error (although I agree it is important that they get your title right and unacceptable that they have changed it). The people that have made this error are no doubt the office staff (or the ParentMail) - very unlikely that they will be Anglicans. In my Anglican church (with a school attached) no one gives a shiny shit if you are married or not. The curate is gay (although single but on the look out) as is one of the churchwardens. The other churchwarden lives with his partner (who is not a practising Christian but supports him in this job). I am now married but for years wasn't and lived with my partner, no one knows or has ever commented on what my second name might be. My friend has 3 different kids by 3 different men and is certainly not ashamed of it. This is what imo (based on to be fair only a sample of 3 churches) the modern Anglican church looks like (even if the majority of its members are 65+), there seems to be far less discrimination here than I meet in other walks of life (especially when for example I spend time with my non-Christian parents and their friends from that generation). People do judge you in my church but it seems to be all dependent upon how much time you are prepared to give to help out with teas and coffees and how clean you leave the kitchen afterwards.

I must attract a certain type of woman
Even just looking at my linked in there'd be loads of women over 50 and 60 using Ms.

Maybe the computers would get too confused by the myriad of choices that could be possible.

Not if they're programmed properly. It's not like it's something which is technically difficult. They should allow no title as a valid preference, too, but that is a weirdly rare thing.

Mr Elbows and I are married but I am Mrs Myname. My dad, Mr Myname, is down as an emergency contact. This is just too much for the school office who took it upon themselves to rearrange our details so I ended up married to my own father!

"Why would they care?"

So do you guys no longer think the union of a man and woman is the heart of the family etc now? Have you gone off piste/freestyle? Is the bible no longer what you preach from?

Going off-topic, and God, I do not want to debate religion (one controversial topic per night is enough!), but I find your horror a bit hard to take when I have studied the religion since I was born.

There's a Philosophy/Religion topic

This thread is v interesting....

I've just, out of idle curiosity, gone down the staff list for my school. I think the ratio of women using Mrs/Miss to those using Ms is about 7:1, so about 13% go by Ms.

If they're wanting to address everyone as Mrs. It seems to me like they're against single. cohabitating. being together but not living together. and divorced parents. I'd go ballistic if I was referred to as Mrs. It'd change the whole dynamics of my family unit. I'm miss and intend to remain that way

No matter how many use what, as I've said, the existence of "Miss" and "Mrs" is sexist and outdated considering men only have "Mr".

My title is Dr (predates marriage so I have never been Mrs). For the past couple of years my husband and I have both been asked to give careers talks at the DCs' school. The (female) teacher in charge of these talks invariably addresses me as 'Mrs', despite the fact that she knows what I do for a living and the school has my correct title on file. Normally this wouldn't bother me, but she never has any difficulty remembering my husband's correct title - which also happens to be Dr.

Noble, what is your point? Yes, I agree with you that a lot of people use Mrs. Fact still stands that it is sexist because men don't have to display their marital status (or have it assumed from the title they choose), but women do. If you choose to go by 'Ms' people will assume you are divorced or a feminist or a 'spinster'! If you're 'Miss', you are unmarried, and if you're 'Mrs' you're married (or I guess can be divorced)

Ooh, theatre, how maddening!

I use Lady if I'm feeling haughty naughty.

My point, mum is that no matter how sexist you think it is, the majority of women when given the choice, choose to use Miss/Mrs. Therefore if a school uses the one generally used by the majority as a one-off, it's most likely an admin error rather than anything else.

Like you Theatre I have never been Mrs, I would be happy with no title but I get annoyed with the wrong title. Dh gets more irate though if they get his title wrong. He did try going through a phase of trying to call me Dr Mrs shouldwe which he maintained was a term of affection because I was his wife, but soon stopped when I started calling him Dr Mr - which I maintained was the equivalent.

The RUSI website has a stonking selection of titles to pick from in a dropdown list. Some of them must be very rarely used (Professor the Lord X), and some of them must be so unique as to be identifying even with no name appended (Marshall of the RAF Sir X)!

Nobelgiraffe, the majority of women in your school, surely? Not the majority everywhere as demonstrated by this thread.