School telling me what title I should use

[mumofone1234]

My child started a new school in September. A few weeks into the new term I received an email from the school saying that they would like to change the title they have for me on their records from 'Ms' to 'Mrs' and if I am not happy with this then to reply to the email. I replied saying I would like to keep 'Ms' thank you very much. All has been fine since then. All communication has said 'Ms'.
.
Today I get a letter addressed to 'Mrs Mumofone1234'? AIBU to wonder why on earth they care what title I assign myself? Is this a stealth way of finding out the marital status of parents? (It is a hard to get into school that goes off church attendance).

[PlanIsNoPlan]

Mx Fiona

[mumofone1234]

But, Giraffe, surely that's what Ms is for? For when you don't know? Its the option that does not matter what your marital status is. If you assign Mrs or Miss because you don't know their title, you've got a 50% chance of getting it wrong. If you say 'Ms' and the person has a problem with that it is usually because they want to be defined by the fact that they are married from the very first introduction.

[traviata]

I love the choice of Commander.

I rather fancy Rear-Admiral.

[Catam]

Not just Catholic schools. My DS's schools, primary & grammar, both insisted I was Mrs despite never being married. Frankly I think it's just to save them time writing letters, using a standard template.

Annoyed the hell out of me for a while & then I was just a bit 'meh' about it. No idea if they respected 'Dr' or other titles but I suspect not.

Eventually I stopped correcting them even in face to face meetings because they just didn't care and I couldn't spend the energy on it.

That's not to say I didn't internally think 'dick' when they called me Mrs though so not brilliant for parent teacher relations but hey, they have a lot of shit admin to get through so whatever.

[noblegiraffe]

you've got a 50% chance of getting it wrong.

At the school I teach at, the vast majority of women have Mrs as their preferred title, it's certainly not 50:50.

[eyelevelgrill]

"If people ask, I say I don't use one and just to call me Middling, but most computers can't cope with the concept. Even ordering a box of teabags the other day was impossible without a title, the computer kept telling me there was an error. Yes, the error is that it thought I needed a title to buy teabags"

Absolutely love commander! Genius!

[AuntDotsie]

HC don't have Rear-Admiral traviata, choice of Captain, Lt.Col., Col., Revd or nobilities. Such an outrageous omission!

[PlanIsNoPlan]

Exactly OP, hard to believe a 'female professional' would assume Mrs as the default title in our new and enlightened times. But hey, now we're all nearly 2017 and in the groove with our 'genders' and all, we can all now be Mx, unless otherwise specified. I remember in the way backs when BT refused to call me anything other than Mr coz the bill was in my name. Mx is it for my first choice now. Thanks flamingo.

[Lorelei76]

I'd have had a fit when they asked the first time but I'd abandon Miss and Mrs completely, I can't believe we still have those for adult women in 2016.

[traviata]

next time I buy chocolates, Lt.Col. it shall be.

[WouldHave]

I suspect they just put everyone down as Ms initially, and at some point they check up in case there are parents who will take offence at that and would prefer to be Mrs or Miss.

[IAmAmy]

It's not just that they care, it's that they deem a woman who has a child must be a "Mrs". This is completely sexist. The only titles should be "Ms" and "Mr". There are no reasons for "Miss" or "Mrs" to exist other than patriarchal ones.

[IneedAqueenMortificadoNickname]

It's bizarre how anyone thinks they need to comment on someone else's title.
DCs (c of e) school assumed I was Mrs DCs surname. A reasonable assumption afaic. I told them I'm actually Miss my surname and they never mentioned it again. They call me Miss my surname.

But one woman I know insists on referring to me as Ms my surname (rarely as she uses my first name mostly) and then proceeds to lecture me about why I should be Ms.

[mumofone1234]

Wow, plan, really?! (about BT)

I have actually never heard of Mx, but shall be using it from now on whenever such an option is available. Haha, can you imagine if I had replied to the school "I would actually like to be known as 'Mx, thank you for asking" .

[IAmAmy]

Ms should be the only title for women. Mr is for men, so why should women be "Miss" or "Mrs"? Children should also have their mother's surname as default not their fathers - she's the one who gave birth to them.

[mumofone1234]

Of course, IAmAmy. Miss means you belong to your father; Mrs means you belong to your husband.

[CotswoldStrife]

I'd say that Miss or Mrs are more common than Ms though - I've only come across one teacher who is Ms, for instance.

As for the OP's letter it is probably just an error. Unless they have changed computer systems or something, we've had a letter (not from the school) with a dramatic change recently when a new system picked up the wrong info although they were happy to change it when requested

[mumofone1234]

X-posted IAmAmy

[PlanIsNoPlan]

My honest reason for sticking with Miss the past few decades has been to irritate the psuedo-feminists who only partially subscribe to female emancipation (eg: couldn't exist without male-orientated back-up and the Beauty Shop) the smug-marrieds, those who believe all elder un-married Miss(es) are lesbians or after their bloke and since having DS, believe that single mothers (without including single dads) are the scum of society.

[IAmAmy]

mumofone1234 exactly. If I ever marry, I'll of course keep my surname, and I'd prefer my potential future husband to take my surname. If I have children, there is absolutely no doubt they'll have my surname. I will also always be "Ms".

[youarenotkiddingme]

I'm loving the idea of being commander!

Especially when ordering chocolate and then I can be in charge of it all!

Is commander in chief a title?!

[ShowMePotatoSalad]

Tell them it's now changed to "Colonel"

[PlanIsNoPlan]

And I'm going for Mx from now on. And yes fone, BT indeed really.

[BerylStreep]

I have a colleague who has her e-mail signature as 'Dolly Barton (Mrs)'

I'm just

Why?

I got a bit shitty when our mortgage provider decided to change my name from Ms Streep to Mrs DHname without my permission. I phoned up and ranted, and they really didn't give a shit.

[jobhopper]

My name is Dr Jobhopper, but so many letters come from school addressed to Mrs DH surname, which my name is not!
It's annoying.