School telling me what title I should use

[mumofone1234]

My child started a new school in September. A few weeks into the new term I received an email from the school saying that they would like to change the title they have for me on their records from 'Ms' to 'Mrs' and if I am not happy with this then to reply to the email. I replied saying I would like to keep 'Ms' thank you very much. All has been fine since then. All communication has said 'Ms'.
.
Today I get a letter addressed to 'Mrs Mumofone1234'? AIBU to wonder why on earth they care what title I assign myself? Is this a stealth way of finding out the marital status of parents? (It is a hard to get into school that goes off church attendance).

[IAmAmy]

I can understand the brainwashing, I'm only 16 but remember at primary school having conversations with other girls along the lines of "I wonder what our surnames will be when we're married". I shudder now. Luckily none of my friends now would so much as consider changing our surnames if we marry.

[Lorelei76]

OP do you mind if I ask how old you are?

This is purely because I think there's a gap where certain equality issues regressed...I'm 40 and flummoxed by the idea that's how it's done and everybody does it.

I can why Mx has value but if we haven't got pat the stage of Mrs and Miss, I wouldn't hold out hope, next Mx will be amended in some way to show marital status.

[madamginger]

The computer system at my work won't progress unless you enter a title, I work by the general rule of thumb, women/girls under 21 are Miss, women 21-50 are Ms and women over 50 are Mrs.
I'm usually correct 95% of the time.

[IAmAmy]

madamginger what are boys and men?

[noblegiraffe]

I work in a school with loads of female teachers aged 21-50, and I think maybe a couple of them go by Ms. It's pretty rare, in my experience, including in dealing with parents, that a preferred title is Ms.

[IAmAmy]

nobelgiraffe around half of the female teachers at my school are "Ms". Regardless, why should any other title exist for women when men are only "Mr"?

[angelikacpickles]

Our school addresses letters to "The parents of ".

misses point

[noblegiraffe]

Whether other titles should exist for women or not, in my experience of my school, most married women go with Mrs.

Perhaps it's the same for the OP's school which is why the Mrs slipped through.

[Lorelei76]

Amy "around half of the female teachers at my school are "Ms"."

Ah, that cheers me up a bit.

[AuntDotsie]

I'm a Mrs. I really wanted to be after I got married. Now it's grating on me a bit but the prospect of all the bastarding admin involved in changing it to Ms outweighs the feminist guilt for now.

It's all bollocks, though, really, isn't it? (Which is why I feel perfectly justified in having a bit of fun with it all). Outside of medical things, I can't really think of any situation when a person's sex is that relevant. You don't need a penis to open a bank account. Phone bills are not vagina-operated. Why does society still insist on knowing your sex and then, if you're the subordinate one, your marital status?

[IAmAmy]

noblegiraffe it's not an excuse, it's even more demeaning that even when women choose not to be "Mrs" they're referred to as such. Regardless, "ms" should be the only title for women as "Mr" is for men.

Lorelei it is great especially in a girls' school! Unfortunately our Headmistress is "Mrs".

[mumofone1234]

Aunt there is no admin involved, as titles aren't a legal thing. Just start using Ms on everything. That's what I did and never had any problems. (until now!!!!!)

[mumofone1234]

I'm 39, so your generation lorelei

[mumofone1234]

IAmAmy, if you are 16 and your friends feel the same as you, then I feel a lot better than I did when I started this thread .

[madamginger]

The titles I can pick are master, mr, miss, ms, mrs, rev and dr.
I work in pharmacy and TBH most of the time I already know the title because it's written on the prescription but if it's hand written most prescribers don't put the title on so Hence my rule of thumb guess.
I tend to put mr for all boys/men as it's the first option in the drop down menu and it's quicker

[Lorelei76]

Amy, what a pity.
OP, interesting. Most female teachers were Ms at my school, most women Ms when I entered the work place, less so now.

[PlanIsNoPlan]

I think a school setting and the use of a title when addressing people isn't at all reflective of day to day society. Teachers are usually called by their Miss, Mrs, Sir names by pupils, sometimes "Miss" when they're really a Mrs and if they are Mrs XYZ, then they are called that in full, never just "Mrs", that would be sounding a bit rude, "wouldn't it Mrs?" Funny that if you think about it. So the school giraffeteaches at prefers their wimmin as Mrs and I'm sure they go along with that, and so giraffe thinks that's normal and teaches within that, it's embedded and so it goes. That's fine, it's just not everyone's experience.

[mumofone1234]

Wow, Amy, I am really impressed that this stuff is on your radar! What an intelligent young woman you are!

[IAmAmy]

mumofone1234 I'm glad! Rest assured all my friends agree on this, not one surname (of ours) shall be changed if/when any of us marry

[Lorelei76]

Madam why the embarrassment for putting Mr for all men, in the absence of other info? I dint get why you don't use Ms for all women.

[Lorelei76]

X posting all over the shop
This stuff was on the peer group radar at 16 for me as well. Isn't teenage time a big time for feminist chat (possibly not now given, well, pretty much everything).

[mumofone1234]

That's right, Plan: you have schools where every teacher is called 'Miss' even if they're Mrs Roberts or whatever, and then you have schools where everyone is 'Mrs' regardless of marital status [ confused]

[IAmAmy]

madamginger if boys and men are always "Mr" women and girls should always be "Ms".

Lorelei it is. It's somewhat balanced by many teachers being "Ms" but the message it sends at a girls' school when the Headmistress is "Mrs" is a negative and frustrating one. I hope pupils at my school aren't growing up thinking it's a given they'll change their names if they marry a man.

mumofone thank you for the kind compliment! It's something which gets to me quite a bit, haha.

[madamginger]

We have a lot of elderly patients and most go by Mrs and get offended if you use Ms. They will point it out and ask you to change it, younger women tend not to care so much about stuff like that, I know I don't. I use Mrs but I'm not fussed if someone uses ms or miss.