Leave House to brother or DCs

[HouseDilema]

I've name changed for this as I don't want to be identified, post may be a little vague because of that.

DH and I own 2 properties, one is a very nice House in a lovely area just outside of London, the other is a cottage by the beach that we rent out throughout the year.

I have a brother, who's 15 years my junior and who has ASD and DCs ranging from 15-25.

Until recently DH and I had our Will set up so that DB would inherit the cottage and DCs the family home to sell off and split, however we've now changed our minds for a number of reasons, including the governments current attitude towards the disabled.

We want to give DB our family home for the rest of his life, he's currently in his 30s with the mental age of an early teen, he can't live alone and he'll need care for the rest of his life. To fund the help that he will need, we have decided to keep the cottage for him as well so that he'll always have a income.

The new Will states that now we shall be leaving DB both properties and once he passes, the DCs can inherit both.

DH and I thought the best approach was to tell everyone and make our position very clear. It didn't go down very well, especially not with our eldest who's only 10 years younger then DB.

I don't think I am being unreasonable but I can see that their attitude really hurt DH. I understand the current housing climate but they are not the ones with the greater need.

How will DB manage to look after 2 houses including a rental if he cannot look after himself?

You also risk both properties being sold to pay for his care if you leave such substantial assets to DB and he needs more help

I'd see a solicitor for best options, eg a trust.

I take it that DB is currently living with you or does he live elsewhere in assisted housing or a home etc? Sorry if I've skipped that part.

I would be annoyed and put out if I were your DC not because they should expect to inherit anything but because of the burden that may fall on one of them to help administer help etc be POA after you've gone for your DB.

I'll give you 2 examples. Friend of mine has 5 older brothers and sisters, she is younger by a few years than her siblings. When her mother got ill with dementia a few years ago the care responsibly fell onto her for her mother as other DC either didn't want to get involved or had families. She has an adult DS and also a very on off SO.

There was also a brother who'd worked but then had a nasty accident which transpired he couldn't work (but had a house he'd bought) and he was "ok" at time yet not ok and quite selfish at other times, partly because he knew his younger sister would visit him, encourage him to visit hospitals etc... After a while last year I pointed out to her that the more she reminded or mollycoddled him the more he would depend on her and that another brother who lived near to him could also remind/take him to hospital appointments. I'd also seen him at the wake for her mother's funeral and trust me when he was in a good mood he was perfectly lucid and capable!

Then there's my stepdad's 2nd eldest brother - there are 4 brothers, stepdad is 3rd youngest. The 2nd eldest for years has had schizophrenia developed it in his 20s culminated in his mum finding him and taking him home to live. This situation worked well for years until the mum died about 5 years ago. Brother inherited the house and wants to meet a nice woman but brothers are concerned he'd meet a woman who'd take advantage and he hasn't met anyone anyway. God knows what will happen to the house, I don't think the mum told them what would happen and luckily he lives in a small village so copes with help and neighbours keeping an eye and his brothers coming to visit once a week. He's in his late 60s now and any extra care will have to be arranged should he need it. But it could be a worry.

How is your DB going to look after himself living on his own in a house? It would be far kinder to him if you could find some supported living accommodation for him. That way you can make sure that he is in a good place whilst you are alive, rather than being put in a bad place when you die. It will give him continuity of care when you do die, so that he isn't distressed by his entire world changing.

I would suggest sell the lovely cottage, use that money to get your brother a small place locally. Set him up with that now.

Allow your children to inherit the family home.

I would add that leaving your brother with too many assets may be hindrance rather than help with regard to accessing a decent care plan and support.

My post x posted with your update but you have still given no indication how a 15 year old child is supposed to live if you and DH died tomorrow!

You do realise that he would be able to make a claim against the estate to have it varied if you fail to make provision for his maintenance but it would be costly and stressful for those involved.

Apologies if this is an insensitive question, but are your / your brother's parents still around? If so, is there any possibility of future inheritance from them that could potentially be used to benefit your brother?

I'm another who doesn't understand why you need to leave both properties to him. You do need to think about your minor children at the very least.

I also think it would have been more reasonable to take your concerns to the children and discuss solutions as a family rather than coming up with a plan and telling them.

Yes, inheritance isn't an automatic right but it was always going to cause ill feeling done this way.

The thing is you might need care and the houses will have to be sold anyway. Pil's house had to be sold and their care bill has soared through £500K, and not in a top-notch establishment, either. If you are in your 50s who knows what the next 30 years have in store, for you or your dcs.

your solicitor really is not an expert in SN, you've taken your advice from the wrong place.

Your set up sounds like you trying to continue to control things after you die

The whole trust set up is incredibly inflexible for everyone who will outlive you, expecially your DB. It suits nobody, except you.

I can understand why you want to make sure your brother is cared for - but I can also understand why your eldest feels so hurt by what you have done - he feels you love him less.

I do think you have not had the best advice, and several questions come to mind.

How can someone who is not capable of looking after themselves, inherit two properties and the responsibilities that come with them?

Who will ensure he manages his finances and the upkeep of the house's so that your dc's inheritance is not devalued?

What effect will such a valuable inheritance have on his disability benefits?

If he needs institutional care, what is to stop the authorities forcing the sale of both houses, leading to your DC's inheritance vanishing into care costs?

If he legally owns the homes, what stops him being influenced by someone unscrupulous to sell one or both houses and give that person the money? Or take a loan secured on the property, ditto.

As I said, I can understand why you want to make sure your brother is cared for, and that is commendable, but do you really want to do it at the cost of causing your own children to feel you don't love them as much as your brother, and are willing to treat them so much worse than him?

You can of course do exactly what you want. However, your kids will be so hurt and I can see why.

Leaving a House to a child is not a right, it is a gift one we have chosen to not give. The correct attitude is to say okay and move on.

Well, you're entitled to an opinion about how your DC should react. And they're entitled to pay zero attention to it. But YOU need to own the consequences of YOUR decision. And your DH has a cheek feeling hurt. Reap what you sow.

Who would be looking after your brother when you die, OP? Surely he'd be better off living with a community of others, being cared for in a supportive environment?

Are you expecting your children to take care of him, even in terms of visiting him, making sure his house is clean etc? There's a huge chance they will go off and emigrate, realising that they come down on the list of your priorities.

Leaving a House to a child is not a right, it is a gift one we have chosen to not give.

yes, you are doing this (giving a house as a gift) for DB in preference to your DC, despite the possibility that actually your DC could have much more pressing needs than DB.

You sound very cold OP - are these actually your children you are talking about?

And if you die first, is your husband really going to leave everything to his brother in law, when he has three children?

Oh dear OP. I think you sound lovely, and very caring, but I really can understand why your children don't share your opinion about the new will.

Personally, I think your original wills were better and fairer all around. I'm not so sure quite why you felt the need to make these changes.

I think you mean well, but I think your children should have remained your priority. I can absolutely understand why they are unhappy at being sidelined in favour of your brother and potentially not inheriting anything much for a very long time, if at all.

As you can see from the questions others have also raised , this is a fairly complex subject and it doesn't look as though you have thought it through at all.

If he has the mental age of a teen, he doesn't have capacity to make sensible decisions.

Leaving a House to a child is not a right, it is a gift one we have chosen to not give.

I agree with that much
However, what you ARE leaving them with is an uncle with SNs in a house that doesn't suit him, probably with his funding stopped, and the potential for maintenance responsibilities.

You're not JUST disinheriting them, you're leaving him with a shitty trust set up that will most likely end up a massive burden all round.

I don't think these are the OPs biological children, they can't be.

I can't believe any mother would actually do this unless there had been a huge falling out with the DC.

Either that or we've been had by the DM yet again?

What does the OP care if her plans balls everything up - she'll be gone and won't be around to sort out the mess she's made. She's clearly sticking her fingers in her ears now and going "la-la-la" at any of the sensible advice here.

If inheritance is a gift, not a right, why not sell a property now and put the money in trust for DB?

Living in a nice big five bedroomed house your vulnerable brother will be a magnet for every chancer in town. How on earth will he cope with cleaning and maintaining the property? You will have to set aside a massive chunk of money to pay for that. What a waste when he could be in a cosy little flat or sociable shared acommodation.

Are you currently a full-time carer and financially responsible for your DB?

If yes, and he lives with you then I can understand that you would not want him to end up homeless if he outlives both you and DH but leaving him a further property in addition the his residence seems unfair on your DC (unless they are all very wealthy already or you have significant other assets in addition to the 2 properties that you plan to leave to them?)

another potentially shitty outcome of this trust set up:

DB dies, it's due to go to the DCs, DB made a dodgy friend/carer who moved in, carer now claiming rights to stay in his/her "home", DCs have to fund lengthy process to evict squatter.

There is just so much wrong with it

If I was your DC I'ld be really pissed off, and not because I'm greedy, but because the whole set up is so riddled with potential problems and it would be a weight on my shoulders for YEARS!

I think you've made the right decision, and your children are being petulant. Nobody has the right to an inheritance, and your brother's need is greater. He's a vulnerable adult who, as you say, will never have the chance to create his own safety net.

Assuming you're as comfortably off as you sound (and even if you're not) your kids are, or will soon be, adults who have been given a great start to make their own way in life.

And anyway they will inherit in the end, just further in the future than they expexted FFS.

I would stick to your guns.