Leave House to brother or DCs

[HouseDilema]

I've name changed for this as I don't want to be identified, post may be a little vague because of that.

DH and I own 2 properties, one is a very nice House in a lovely area just outside of London, the other is a cottage by the beach that we rent out throughout the year.

I have a brother, who's 15 years my junior and who has ASD and DCs ranging from 15-25.

Until recently DH and I had our Will set up so that DB would inherit the cottage and DCs the family home to sell off and split, however we've now changed our minds for a number of reasons, including the governments current attitude towards the disabled.

We want to give DB our family home for the rest of his life, he's currently in his 30s with the mental age of an early teen, he can't live alone and he'll need care for the rest of his life. To fund the help that he will need, we have decided to keep the cottage for him as well so that he'll always have a income.

The new Will states that now we shall be leaving DB both properties and once he passes, the DCs can inherit both.

DH and I thought the best approach was to tell everyone and make our position very clear. It didn't go down very well, especially not with our eldest who's only 10 years younger then DB.

I don't think I am being unreasonable but I can see that their attitude really hurt DH. I understand the current housing climate but they are not the ones with the greater need.

I think you should try ethi-call. It's a free service based out of Australia but you can do an internet call. It helps you work thought ethical dilemmas like this one with a trained and independent ethical Counsellor. It seems you came to a really good decision, that works for everyone. But that some aren't happy. So is it more important to keep everyone happy or to have those most vulnerable to be kept safe? It's relationship and they are tricky. Try ethi-call. You might find even more solutions are available to you that you haven't yet considered. Ethics.org.au

Get legal advice. If your DB ever needs to go into a specialist care home, the state would either seize all his assets to pay for it, or, if you go completely privately expect to pay at least £4000 per week for care (by today's standards) which could soon eat up the value of both properties, depending on how long he needs care for.

Also, they would have no control over what he does with the properties once he has inherited them. As they will be 'his', he is completely entitled to sell them or do whatever he likes.

Basically, leaving the properties to your DB means that nothing may be left for your children. It depends whether you are happy with that. These days, if elderly people need full-time care, the children can often get left with nothing anyway. We are going through this dilemma with my Nan at the moment.

She has had legal advice! It was just shit.