To be gutted that DD has to do an extra year of Sixth Form?

[LoopyHoopy]

To be honest, the sadness has only just kicked in, as all her friends are going to look at unis, etc. she is staying on (well, moving to a different college) to repeat the a year she is currently repeating her AS.

She seems really happy about it, saying that it gives her a chance to work harder at it, as now she has failed, she knows how it's important to put the time in and says she's actually glad she failed that's the sentence that really pisses me off.

She then says how she might not even want to go to uni I know it's pathetic, but I never went to uni and know how shit it is to be struggling in a crap job.

She says she might even do an apprenticeship, the reason this is annoying is because she has her eye on an apprenticeship she can do right now (you need to have done GCSEs) so I'm not getting why she wants to waste this time getting A-Levels when she can go into it right now? Is it just me, or does it seem silly what she is doing?

To be honest, she's so blasé about it and it really winds me up

She will be one year behind .... big deal. She seems to be taking a mature attitude to dealing with her failure and you aren't.

YABU OP. She sounds happy and sensible. Let her find her way.

I did an extra year of College, I didn't fail my AS year but I didn't do as well as I could of, I moved on to a BTEC which suited me much better. After College I went and did a gap year apprenticeship before going to uni. I was also born in early September so was several years older than the 18year olds, but it really didn't matter as there is such a range of ages at uni. I found it much easier being away from home than they did and the work experience I gained through my apprenticeship has stood me in a good position ever since. I'm about to start a second degree via the OU at 30.

My eldest ds is in his 3rd year in college, he had to do and extra year at the start as he failed his gcse's but he's worked so incredibly hard and is now looking at university's, I am ridiculously proud of him, he's worked hard and yes it might have taken an extra year but he's done it!

Be proud that your dd is working hard and has plans. You say she is happy? I'd much rather have happy children above anything else.

I went to university at 18 because my parents didn't give me an alternative not to. I was told I was no longer welcome in the family home after I left school, and university was the only way I could think of doing it.

It wasn't that I didn't want to go to university, but it was the wrong time and I didn't really know what I wanted to do.

I ended up at the wrong university on the wrong course and dropped out after the first year because I just did not have the skills required for that particular degree.

I went back at 26 and got a first class degree at a different subject and then went on to get PG quals and a professional career. I also had a child by that point.

My point is, her going to university at 18 is your dream. She's actually being very sensible. My son is in year 13 and he's taking a year out because that's the right thing for him to do. University is nothing like school on any level. And it's important to not feel like you're on an educational conveyor belt.

With degrees being as expensive as they are now, young people can't afford to start the wrong degree or chop and change whilst they work out exactly what they want to do. Your daughter has bought herself an extra year, and she probably does feel like failing her AS levels and getting to retake them was the best thing to do.

IME, the attitude of parents who did go to university is very different to the attitude of those who didn't in these matters.

If I had my way no-one would be able to go to university until they were at least 21 and had some life experience under their belt.

Totally agree with this.

I was a 'gifted'/academic student. I did an extra year of A levels (because of ill health) and then a higher apprenticeship.

It's been absolutely amazing. I've got a job I love, the graduate route into which is horribly oversubscribed, and I'm debt-free.

It also means that I've not used up my chance at a HE loan should I ever decide I want to use it

My niece redid year 12, ended up with 4 A levels - As and Bs, and got 2.1 in Zoology at a RG university.

She has now decided that zoology isn't for her and is living abroad teaching English.

Please don't try and live vicariously through your daughter. There are a number of students at DD's 6th form redoing year 12. I wouldn't have a problem if DD had to do the same.

YABU, uni is not the be all and end all. Millions of people with degrees end up in low paid jobs or not working at all. It doesn't guarantee anybody a high paid job.

It's her life, you can guide but the choices are hers not yours.

I honestly believe getting her A levels can never be seen as a negative, it gives her lots more choices later in life than if she walks out of school without them. So no, for me it would not be a waste of time, ever.

And so what if she does an apprenticeship that doesn't require them, there is no real rush. I think you can't push them to do something they are not ready or willing to do, but more be supportive of their choices.

Oh, I can't imagine how far behind I am, I only graduated this year aged 29. But I'm successful in my job & earn good money. I have 9 years experience in my field & qualified while I was working full time by studying part time, in my own time. In my field it's very difficult indeed to get a job with just a qualification too, experience is essential. And I needed my A-levels to get on my course.

Op, your daughter is trying to better herself, it takes time to know what you want to do - and what you don't want to do too! Be kind to her, let her try what she want. It sounds very sensible to me to want to finish what she's started - her a-levels - before starting something new - an apprenticeship.

It seems to me that she's just growing up. She's realised the importance of working hard and still trying to get where she wants to be.
Uni isn't the be all and end all. A degree does not hold the kudos it once did. Every man and his dog seems to have one.
My dd is off to uni and there's a big part of me that wishes she wasn't. All that debt.

I didn't how you uni or college my mum wanted me working at 16. I didn't have a choice so for that reason I will let dd go to uni and say nothing of my views. It's her life and future.

My dd has a health condition that could have meant having to redo a year at school but than fully not but if she had it would be a silver lining. It would be another to work part time after school and get done funds behind her for uni. The extra year could help your daughter save. If she doesn't go to uni she'll have a nice pot of money to help support whatever she chooses.

YABU

She won't be behind because a. that's not a thing, people of all ages go to uni and b. being older and more experienced she'll be in a better position than someone who went straight to uni (that's if she even goes)

There's this assumption that you go to school, then college, then uni and that's the proper way, anything else is lesser.

I went to college (didn't do particularly well, MH problems), then I spent a almost a year doing what looked like nothing while struggling with my MH trying to learn coding online, dozens of pills later I started an apprenticeship. Now I have a job in the area I want to be in, I'm paid pretty well (more than a recruiter told me I'd get) and I'll have 2 years of actual experience by time my peers leave uni. And savings rather than debt.

How am I behind?

sashh I believe the company I worked for during my apprenticeship had to part fund it as I was older then 18 but there was no problem with me doing basically the same qualification again.

I think my parents were a little disappointed (my dad definitely was v. disappointed) but uni really wasn't right for me and I knew that. Your DD seems to have at least half a plan and is really thinking about what she is doing rather than following the herd. Just support her.

If she isn’t certain what she want to do then repeating a year at school and getting A levels seems like a mature and sensible thing to do. Then she will have more choices available to her. She may change her mind completely about what she wants to do next as this year unfolds. It is her life and she needs to be allowed to make her own decisions.

YABU if it takes a cock up to realise you actually have to work at things that's fine, and to make that error at 16-17 when it really doesn't matter is ideal. She'll be in the workforce far to many years for it to matter if she becomes economically productive at 18, 21 ir even 25 or 30!

I worked for two years after a-levels and then did a four year degree. I can honestly say I never felt at a disadvantage for not graduating until 24. I'm still working the in the career I trained for and I reckon having had the time to consider it properly before I started was a huge advantage.

Your daughter seems to be learning life lessons and making her own decisions. Good for her.

As others have said, the aim is for her to have as many choices in life as she can. Dping her A levels gives her more choices

Don't despair. DD2 had been at a specialist music school on a scholarship since age 13 but decided during year 11 that music college wasn't for her.

School offered to let her stay on for 6th form nonetheless but she said, "no, the scholarship is government funded and meant for kids with musical talent who desperately want to go to music college and who's parents wouldn't otherwise be able to afford private music school tuition" so she left and came home and went to local 6th form college. (I was so proud of her decision and it was hers, we didn't interfere)

Having been immersed in music for so long she was a bit at sea and made a complete turn about and took the knee jerk decision to do Maths, Biology, Chemistry and she threw in Music for good measure because she still enjoyed the subject enormously, just knew that she didn't want to make a career out of it.

New 6th form college saw string of A and A* GCSEs and immediately put her in for Further Maths too. Now, had she stayed at her school, as we found out later, her Maths teacher would never have recommended she attempt Maths A level let alone Further Maths! (There's a huge difference between GCSE and A level and, though bright enough, she just wasn't cut out for it. Added to that we learned in lower 6th that she's dyslexic!)

She crumpled under the strain whilst struggling on and got dire results, despite dropping Further Maths at the end of lower 6th; three Ds and even only managed a B in Music as the other stuff took up so much of her time.

She then chose different subjects: English, History, and Philosophy and Ethics and started over again.

She got two A*s and a B and is now in her second year studying Ancient History at a Russell Group University and having a great time and thoroughly enjoying herself. Lots of people took a gap year and so she's only one year older than many of her year and she says it doesn't bother her anyway.

There are more ways to skin a rabbit you know.

She may just be trying to reassure herself that she has options. That doesn't mean that she intends to fail.

For me the important thing is, is she really working hard now? If so, then she is not blase, just sensible and positive. If she is not working now, then you have cause to worry.

Universities have changed a lot in the last 10 years. We have young students and older students and students who come directly from college into different years. Being that bit older and more mature can be a benefit. And wanting to be at university rather than being afraid of not going to university is another benefit. We have a lot of students with depression and anxiety these days. Worrying about what you could have been doing can be quite destructive.

3 years behind? Not quite sure how you've worked that one out...A level will only take one year. I understand perphaps why you are upset and that is because you are having to adjust your expectations and future that you had for your daughter. It's her life now, and it's only a year. Penty of people drop off or change degree courses too...my neighbour's son dropped off his engineering course as it wasn't for him, worked for a year or so and then went back to a different uni and qualified with a different degree. I think it shows courage and sense to to this.

My daughter is a year behind her peers as she swapped courses after her AS levels. She is my third child to go to uni, which is where she is now, and there is a mix of all ages. Personally I think she was better going to uni at 19 rather than 18...she's already done her "Oh my god I can drink legally!" bit and is more mature. Many of her friends on the course are her age,or older. My ED had a bloke of 71years old on her maths degree course and they all loved him.

As for getting a sht job, I don't have a degree and my job isn't sht , and surely enjoyment of your job and life comes first, although I appreciate you need enough money to live and that a lot of employers unfortunately look for degrees these days to even answer a phone.

Both my MD and YD say they wouldn't have gone to uni if they didn't have to for their proposed jobs, (debt, lost time when they could have been earning and moving on in a career) and some of the essays they were asked to write were nothing to do with their course learning and proposed job destination, they were essays for essays sake.

Employers look for work experience in addition to degrees, and life experience. Repeating a year/changing courses is nothing but a positive step surely as it shows self knowledge, motivation , courage and life sense.

Ifeelsuchafool I'm very impressed by your DDs attitude! That was very considerate of her

I went to uni when I was 25, married with 2 kids! There is no rush. At least she is repeating and not dropping out altogether!

I hate the term "behind" . Behind who? Who cares if you do things at your own pace and don't conform to the expected. That's showing me that your daughter thinks for herself and is not a sheep. Be proud of her choices. You created a free thinking human being embarking on their journey.

If she wants to be a lab tech, what she might be able to do is start at entry level now or after A levels and go to university part time while working.

It's what I did and it works quite well and your employer pays for everything so no student debt.

The only thing you miss out on is the full student piss up experience, but with the cost of university these days, that's probably not a bad thing.