To be gutted that DD has to do an extra year of Sixth Form?

[LoopyHoopy]

To be honest, the sadness has only just kicked in, as all her friends are going to look at unis, etc. she is staying on (well, moving to a different college) to repeat the a year she is currently repeating her AS.

She seems really happy about it, saying that it gives her a chance to work harder at it, as now she has failed, she knows how it's important to put the time in and says she's actually glad she failed that's the sentence that really pisses me off.

She then says how she might not even want to go to uni I know it's pathetic, but I never went to uni and know how shit it is to be struggling in a crap job.

She says she might even do an apprenticeship, the reason this is annoying is because she has her eye on an apprenticeship she can do right now (you need to have done GCSEs) so I'm not getting why she wants to waste this time getting A-Levels when she can go into it right now? Is it just me, or does it seem silly what she is doing?

To be honest, she's so blasé about it and it really winds me up

[thisagain]

Lots of kids don't go to uni 2 years after their GCSE's for lots of different reasons - my nephew did his A levels over 3 years because after the 1st year, he wished he'd taken Chemistry so added it in, others may re-take, have a gap year etc. When my daughter went to uni, everyone didn't go off as a year group.

[BitchQueen90]

I got excellent GCSEs but I did not know what I wanted to do at age 18. I didn't do A levels and worked as a waitress and bartender until I was 22. I had an amazing time and loved it. I had DS at 22, was a SAHM for a couple of years until I figured out what I wanted (single parent) and then did an access course and have just started my degree at 26.

I know this is not the "ideal" way to do things and I'm sure my parents didn't want that for me but I can honestly say I'm SO happy I've waited until now to go to uni. If I'd gone at 18 I'd have been absolutely skint, probably gone out drinking all the time and wasted my opportunity. As it is I have a clear idea of what I want to do, I'm working hard as it's really important to me.

We all want the best for our children but sometimes the best is their happiness. I understand how you feel but don't put too much pressure on.

[MancMama]

You sound like a bit of a pushy mum tbh. So she's messed up one year but instead of sulking and whinging she's doing something about it. Instead of quitting she's going ahead to do better despite her being 'behind' with friends. On top of all that she's expressed interest in her future by wanting to do an apprenticeship - a route that is valued and more worthwhile than a lot of degrees by employers these days as it gives real on the job training and experience.

I did my A Levels at 18 (not great grades), didn't want to go to uni because I didn't know what I wanted to be (I still don't aged 33). My dad was furious because I was very intelligent and despite my grades could've easily gone to uni. Instead I did an apprenticeship (an NVQ alongside a full time job). 15 years later I'm with the same company after being promoted twice (the first being just 21!) I've also had 2 brand new roles created and been responsible for hiring and line managing people. I love my job and I'm very good at it. I've also gone onto to do a second NVQ and a Leadership and Management qualification.

My friends at 18 all went to uni. 2 dropped out (still of good jobs though). One is doing a very similar job to me but has thousands of pounds worth of debt. Another did a degree in one thing and has a job is something totally different. One did a degree in history of art another did one in English literature... the first after loads of retail jobs did a nursing apprentice. The latter works in a bar. And one friend went on to do a masters then a PhD, travelled, worked abroad and at turning 30 became so jaded with life she committed suicide this summer after battling depression. Not saying they're related but the point I'm making is academic success doesn't mean overall success or happiness. Having a degree doesn't mean a great well paid job.

Empower your daughter with confidence that what she's doing is good. It's her personality and attitude that will take her far and define her as a person. The fact that she's rectifying her year of failing her exams while still looking to the future is an indicator that she's intelligent and has common sense.

She doesn't seem to be wasting her life with drugs, drink, being a lay about expecting handouts. You should be proud of her.

Oh and just to cap it off, my dad was exactly like you... when I brought home my first salary that was more than his, he finally shut the fuck up. I was 24!

[TeaCupFlup]

Ultimately it is her decision but just a heads up that apprenticeships can be competitive and when my sister tried to switch to one having done a year of AS level she found a lot of employers wanted an apprentice straight out of GCSE. She was going for mechanics though. It depends how competitive it is for a place in the programme your dd wants to do

[Aroundtheworldandback]

Loads of kids to a gap year after ALevels so are a year older at uni. Let her do whatever's right for her.

[RubyRoseViolet]

Just to cheer you up I decided to go and live in the US with family friends when I'd just done my O levels. I went to high school there and gained masses of friends and confidence. Then I came back, a year "behind", did my A levels, then worked and travelled for 2 years. Then did my degree, then worked and travelled for 2 years, then did my teacher training. Have been teaching for nearly 20 years! There's no great rush. The time out was invaluable
to me. Let her get on with it, I bet she'll figure it out.

[LiefieLiefie]

I'm a decade older than her and still have no idea what I'm doing. I did the A Levels and uni course that my DDad thought I'd be good at and didn't really have the confidence or belief in myself to switch courses.

I'm now doing a Masters in a subject I prefer, having worked abroad in three different countries. I've worked on and off for the past two years. I'm still figuring it out.

Her generation probably won't have a state pension and will have to work until they are 70+. Even if she doesn't work out what she wants to do until she's 30, that's still 40 years of work. It's a lifetime if she hates it. Much better off spending a couple of years finding what she wants to do.

[allowlsthinkalot]

YABVVVVVU. And ridiculous.

[ScarlettSahara]

You have had lots of good advice and interesting posts OP.
I was very focused on wanting to study medicine but messed up badly in one A level and was rejected by the Uni's that had made me offers. I was quite distraught but left school, went to college, started to retake all my Alevels, started to get rejections again but after interview one med school gave me an unconditional offer.
It really made no difference that I was a year older ( in fact I was more ready to leave home) and there were quite a few older graduates on the course who had decided to continue to do medicine. I think though that at first I still carried a palpable sense of "not being good enough". I think you want to avoid instilling this notion in your daughter- it is hard and I need to follow my own advice but we probably do need to let our kids find their own way and have the freedom to make their own mistakes whilst being ready to support them.
It is very easy to get swept up into following the norm and some parents are very competitive. Try not to worry about what other parents will think. It is your DD that matters & she sounds great to me - she has swallowed her pride and is re- taking her A levels and from experience I know that is not easy. I had one girl from school sneering at me for going to college to do retakes but I ended up being where I wanted to be.
Be proud of your DD and try not to worry.

[jamdonut]

My eldest son went to uni at age 21. He's in his 3rd year now, and will be nearly 25 when he finishes.
He is by no means unique, there are others like him who (maybe) didn't do so well in 6th form, and have been to college to get the qualifications they need. He's also held down a job in that time, so he has work experience too.

Once they get to 6th form THEY make the choices...you can only guide them, tell them what you think, but at the end of the day it's is their choice to make (unless you are entirely funding them, in which case, it's fair to say they should be including you in their decisions).

Also, these new apprenticeships seem like quite a good deal, to be fair.

[Kitsa]

I wish getting a degree stopped you having to struggle in a crap job.

[joanofgraceland]

She needs to feel what she is doing is do-able for her at the moment. Perhaps she feels the A levels and Uni thing is a bit of a stretch just now and as she says she has 'failed' once, she is probably nervous and afraid of failing another time. Maybe as a mature student in a few years she will tackle it with more zest. I too have done crap jobs when my children were small and later on went on to do my degree at Uni - graduating when I was 49. She has a long time ahead of her and sometimes getting an apprenticeship is a better step. My son graduated from Uni last July (He is 24 - 3 years behind his peers) and is looking for a job. Of his two friends, one opted for an apprenticeship immediately after a diploma (A level equivalent) and is doing his degree part time. The other started his degree and left after one term to take up a job. My son is now fully graduated and unemployed!

[mysteryfairy]

My DS2 repeated Y12. We had to pay an extra year of school fees which was a bit gutting. I worried about things like the fact that being the only boy with a car at the start of repeat Y12 could lead to more distraction. I certainly didn't worry about him being a year behind in life. All sorts of things happen to put one in that position e.g. I've had three lots of maternity leave and the colleague I sit next to has only had two!

DS2 is in the first year of university now doing a fairly vocational course we would never have predicted for him immediately post GCSE and absolutely thriving. The extra year did give him the chance to reassess and think and decide what he wanted to do rather than follow what was expected of him. Please don't write off your 17 year olds life chances on the basis of one blip.