To be gutted that DD has to do an extra year of Sixth Form?

[LoopyHoopy]

To be honest, the sadness has only just kicked in, as all her friends are going to look at unis, etc. she is staying on (well, moving to a different college) to repeat the a year she is currently repeating her AS.

She seems really happy about it, saying that it gives her a chance to work harder at it, as now she has failed, she knows how it's important to put the time in and says she's actually glad she failed that's the sentence that really pisses me off.

She then says how she might not even want to go to uni I know it's pathetic, but I never went to uni and know how shit it is to be struggling in a crap job.

She says she might even do an apprenticeship, the reason this is annoying is because she has her eye on an apprenticeship she can do right now (you need to have done GCSEs) so I'm not getting why she wants to waste this time getting A-Levels when she can go into it right now? Is it just me, or does it seem silly what she is doing?

To be honest, she's so blasé about it and it really winds me up

[smilingmind]

I was a uni lecturer until I retired recently.
The students who did best were those who had taken time out to decide what they wanted to do.
They had usually worked and took the decision to go to uni themselves when they were ready and knew what they wanted to do.
People go at all ages now. It really isn't seen as a progression from school and students who have life experiences are greatly valued.

[pinkspideruk]

I think you ABU - it's her life not yours and her decisions.

Halfway through my second year of A levels I realised that I no longer wanted to biochemistry at Uni- I finished the a levels and then I went to college and did a whole extra 2 years of completely different A Levels as I didnt know what I wanted to do really so thought I would try something different.

My parents were disappointed that I hadnt gone to Uni so even though I wasnt hugely bothered about going I went after the 2nd lot of A Levels and then dropped out in my second year as I was utterly miserable - leaving with a nice big £10k of debt in the form of a student loan plus another £2k in student overdraft.

I got a job temping for a few month and then moved on to an admin job and have progressed in the role to the point where I am now on the same banding as a newly qualified staff member- I've also done an NVQ Level 3 and 4 plus first aid training, ECDL and a few other courses through work whilst getting paid - not going to Uni or taking an alternative route doesnt mean she is gonna get stuck in a crap paying job and just because YOU didnt go doesnt mean she has to.

[Bogeyface]

She is right. She has an extra year to work harder and think about what she really wants to do.

Better that than follow the rest of sheep into Uni, doing a degree she isnt really that arsed about and maybe wont make much difference in terms of a career, which is what a lot of the students in DD's year did. She did a year on a college course, hated it, did another 2 years doing something else and is now utterly committed to the degree she has chosen. She starts in March (NHS course). Out of the 10 friends that went to Uni last year 4 have dropped out and 2 are changing courses. The same friends that said that she should just complete the first course to get into Uni......

[Bogeyface]

Oh and DD2 is classed as gifted and she is talking about a degree apprenticeship. My parents were horrified until we talked more about it and they realised that she would actually come out of it better off than her peers studying the same subject at uni as she would have work experience and industry contacts that they wouldnt have. Good apprenticeships (at both levels) are like gold dust!

[RattieOfCatan]

Let her make her own decisions, especially regarding the apprenticeship. DH and I both got pushed into the academic route, he went straight into work in a shitty job as he couldn't decide which degree to do and I dropped out of uni after 3 months because the degree just wasn't right for me. Ten years later he's just finished a five year degree (included a foundation year and sandwich year) and is now in a job he loves and I'm planning to go back to uni on a few years when our baby is bigger. Our dear friend who was treated summarily in school and decided to work instead is looking at starting an apprenticeship where his colleagues will mostly be 17/18yos but the career it will give him is worth it. It's never too late and you're better off making a decision later than regretting a teenage decision at 25 and pigeon holing yourself!

[MagicChanges]

I think you need to take a step back here OP (or chill out) as others have said. There is no rush and people start uni courses at all ages. I think the main thing that strikes me from your post is that your DD is happy to do another year - ok maybe there's a bit of bravado about being glad she failed.

She's obviously thinking around which path she wants to take and is looking at apprenticeships, and ok maybe she will apply for one now and not do A levels.............and I think you might be thinking of days gone by when a degree was the "passport" to a good job - not the case anymore. There are hundreds of graduates in non graduate jobs and some unemployed AND they're coming out with £30,000 (at least) worth off debt.

My DGD is in lower 6th and is academic so will be I imagine be heading for Uni - but I hope she delays it. The thing is unless you know what degree you want to do and where you want it to lead you. there isn't much point in just going to Uni because that's what everyone else is doing.

[torroloco]

Smiling has an excellent point OP- a lot of courses i've looked at such as nursing, midwifery have asked that candidates have some form of experience in a the field/a related field.

As I said earlier- I can understand your frustration but it sounds like your daughter has her head screwed on. And maybe failing her first year gave her the kick up the arse she needed- maybe look at that way rather than getting annoyed with her?

She may change her mind yet again- I can see the attraction of doing an apprenticeship, in fact I wish I had done one while I had the opportunity! Earning a wage while training, the possibility of walking straight into a job (lots of apprenticeships I looked at had a 80% employment rate) or making contacts to find one more easily and not carrying what- £30/35k worth of debt around with her.

[indigox]

Varied A Levels are at least going to give her a number of options once she's finished. If she goes and does the apprentice now all she'll have is education and experience in one narrow field, and for most decent science related degree courses she's going to need more than just a Btec.

The older she is when she makes her university decision, and therefore the more mature she is when she gets to uni, the better.

[bonnie05]

I went to uni on grades that weren't so good, after 2 years I decided the course wasn't for me. Went back to college and got another 2 A-levels. Got A in both and went back to uni was the best thing I ever did. She is still young, there is nearly 50 years til she retires. Just be there for her whatever she decides. Going to university isn't the be all and end all. Good luck to her whatever happens

[Ladiva1971]

I travelled Europe, and returned to the UK aged 28, I went to college and did an NVQ LVL 2 in Plumbing, I was at the time, and probably still am in the minority of being a female plumber. And having a trade trust me I can earn more money than someone with a Uni Degree, having a Uni Degree limits your work, because how many people need someone with a degree in Military history? but, everyone at some point in their life will need a person with a trades skill, Eg: Plumber, Tiler, Electrician, Carpenter.....

[ButterfliesRfree]

I know it sounds tough as the parent but I also think it's part of her journey. Lots can happen through doing this so try (I know it's hard when they're yours) to look on the bright side. It sounds like she's keeping herself out of trouble also so that's a good thing too. If rather my child be studying than not wanting to study or do well for herself.

[MidniteScribbler]

It's not your life OP. You gave birth to her and raised her, but now it's time for her to make her own choices and her own path.

[Leanback]

Honestly the a-levels will be good for her even if they aren't needed right now, SIL dropped out of her a-levels after one year to get an apprenticeship. Now she wants to advance and has realised she'd have way more options if she'd carried on with her a levels before starting the apprenticeship.

You can't choose her path for her. You have to allow teenagers to make their own mistakes.

[TotallyOuting]

She's doing maths, philosophy & ethics and French a bloody bit of everything

I think you need to look up 'facilitating' A-levels. Her choices are solid.

[toastyarmadillo]

If she really wants to be a lab tech! I would suggest she investigates it fully, I am a biomedical scientist, or hospital pathology lab scientist carrying out various tests, I needed a degree in biomedical science followed by a masters in cellular pathology (I specialised in cytopathology). Our b tech staff literally are only qualified to carry out washing up, filing and other menial bits. Our trainees are expected to complete a full degree in biomedical science and a portfolio work based assessment to become fully qualified base level biomedical scientists. Even the lab techs working in school science departments have degrees. It may be entirely different in industry perhaps but I would strongly suggest she fully look into what an apprenticeship will enable her to actually do in the lab, and indeed if this is what she wants long term.

That said university is not for everyone, and there is nothing wrong with not taking that route. I would encourage her to follow her own path, she will be working in her chosen profession for 40 plus years potentially, it has to both interest her and make her happy.

[torroloco]

Ladiva- not sure if you will see this

Did you do an apprenticeship to do plumbing? I thought they were only available to those under 25.

Just wondering as im 27 and interested in doing one but was told I wouldnt get funding to do it

[YokoUhOh]

OP I spend my life advising panicking sixth formers to take their time with career choices, as they have their whole lives ahead of them, and an extra year here or there won't make a difference.

My best friend left uni due to ill health and is doing a degree at a different uni in her 30s.

I regret my degree choice and wish I'd had some time to think about what I really fancied studying.

[Helbelle75]

I don't think it's an issue at all. A lot of people take a year out before university anyway.
I was very ill after my a-levels and had to give up my university place. I was gutted as all of my friends were going, but actually I was no way ready to go. I did a 2 year hnd at my local college, which made me realise that I didn't want to do the subjects i'd originally thought, so I applied to universities again and was much happier with my choice and ready to go when I was 20. I did a 4 year course (languages) and then volunteering abroad after I'd graduated, so I was 25 when I started teacher training, happy in my decisions and mature enough to cope with the course.
Your daughter sounds very sensible in keeping her options open and getting the best grades she can. She is probably completely unsure of what she wants to do so this will give her some breathing space.

[goddessofsmallthings]

If I had my way no-one would be able to go to university until they were at least 21 and had some life experience under their belt.

As your dd is only required to repeat 1 year of her sixth form studies she will begin university with others of her group who've taken a gap year, OP.

I would suggest you draw your dd's attention to toastyarmadillo's post at 03.47 as I know an exceptionally clever lab tech who's unable to progress in her chosen field because she lacks a degree and it's been galling for her to watch less able colleagues with degrees leapfrog over her.

[goddessofsmallthings]

others of her peer group... Duh!

[SlottedSpoon]

I think a a lot of what she is saying is designed to mask the fact that she feels a bit insecure about her chances of doing well enough to get into a uni that you feel is good. She's just hedging her bets and preparing herself to need to consider other options.

Be thankful she's prepared to resist her AS year. Many would have given up at that point but she is being mature about moving schools and starting again in spite of seeing her peer group move ahead without her. Lots of students crash and burn at AS level because the jump in difficulty and work output from GCSE is huge and they struggle to adapt fast enough to it.

I think she's very sensible to retake the whole year and very sensible to consider that there might be alternative paths worth considering rather than university. Who knows what will happen? I know it's stressful but try to give her a break.

My son rushed into a degree that was the same as one of his A level choices, did it on automatic pilot really, and didn't enjoy it at all. With hindsight he wishes he'd switched subjects and started again, or just taken a gap year to really think about what he wanted to do. And he's in a job where he is on low pay and his degree has made no difference at all, as many graduates are.

[Scooby20]

Yabu. She is happy which is great.

She does need to investigate what she needs to become a lab tech. But so what if she doesn't go to uni.

Going to uni certainly doesn't mean you will definitely have a good career. I love my career and it's well paid. I have no degree. The two people senior to me don't have degrees either.

And she can get on later if she decides to. She is happy, that's what's important.

[BewtySkoolDropowt]

My daughter is literally 3 years behind. She left school, started a college course that turned out not to be right for her, has been home and working for the last couple of years and is going to apply for uni now to start next year.

And you know what? It's great. I'm happy for her because she is happy to be where she is right now. She has so much more confidence and she is much clearer on the path that she wants to take. And there will be plenty of people older than her at uni.

I've never been to uni, but I haven't spent my life in shit jobs. In fact I own my own business. If my daughter never went to uni it would be fine by me, it's all about what is right for her.

Sounds like your daughter is in a good place right now. She knows what she wants to achieve. That's amazing. So many people don't at that age.

There really is no one right age to go to university.

[longdiling]

Sounds like she's making the best of the situation and thinking positively. Would you really prefer she was gutted like you?

[sashh]

She says she might even do an apprenticeship, the reason this is annoying is because she has her eye on an apprenticeship she can do right now (you need to have done GCSEs) so I'm not getting why she wants to waste this time getting A-Levels when she can go into it right now?

A Levels might actually stop her from getting an apprenticeship, A Levels mean the employer has to fund the education element of the apprenticeship, if the apprentice doesn't have them then their education is funded by government.

So lots of employers will not take you on with A Levels