To be gutted that DD has to do an extra year of Sixth Form?

[LoopyHoopy]

To be honest, the sadness has only just kicked in, as all her friends are going to look at unis, etc. she is staying on (well, moving to a different college) to repeat the a year she is currently repeating her AS.

She seems really happy about it, saying that it gives her a chance to work harder at it, as now she has failed, she knows how it's important to put the time in and says she's actually glad she failed that's the sentence that really pisses me off.

She then says how she might not even want to go to uni I know it's pathetic, but I never went to uni and know how shit it is to be struggling in a crap job.

She says she might even do an apprenticeship, the reason this is annoying is because she has her eye on an apprenticeship she can do right now (you need to have done GCSEs) so I'm not getting why she wants to waste this time getting A-Levels when she can go into it right now? Is it just me, or does it seem silly what she is doing?

To be honest, she's so blasé about it and it really winds me up

[EnormousTiger]

My sons have a friend who has left after AS and gone to another school to do A2 in one year. Could your daughter not do that and she would then not be a year behind?

[glueandstick]

University isn't for everyone and shouldn't be pushed on every teenager.

[AngryGinger]

I was 33 when I went to uni, after repeating a year of college and having a few years of work experience under my belt. I had a blast, no one even noticed my age and not everyone at uni is 18 anyway! If you rush her she's more likely to just choose a path to please you and not her

[AngryGinger]

23, not 33.

[Katherine2626]

Life isn't a race or a tick box - and she is probably saying these things to make you feel better too. In five years time this situation won't merit a second thought. She can't be the only person who is taking another year to attempt better grades. Relax - and university is not the be all and end all.

[BackforGood]

YABU.
Can't put it better than this

So your Dd exhibits a bit of maturity and self-reflection and it pisses you off because it doesn't fit into your plans for her. Wow.

You dd sounds really mature. She's not done as well as she hoped, but she's picked herself up, really thought about what she wants to do, and had the courage to draw a line on last year's result and say I'm going to do this, and you want to bring her down?
She's not going to be '3 years behind' at all. If she chooses to go to university, lots of people won't be starting at 18, for a whole list of reasons. If she chooses the apprenticeship route, there are different levels and types of Apprenticeship, so she'll be fine with that too.

You need to leave her to make more of her own decisions if this thread is anything to go by.

[Maireadplastic]

Nice broad A' level range, OP- with a bit of science on top she's really expanding her choices. Well done her.

[bigbluebus]

I know a number of teenagers who resat a year after AS levels having either not done well so chaging their chosen subjects, or just resitting the same subjects to work harder and get better grades. I also know teenagers who took A Levels and then apprenticieships which they could have got after GCSE's and teenagers who took gaps years after A levels. I also know a young lady who got a job after A levels and 3 years later has just gone to Uni.

In addition I know a young lady who went to Uni to study music and after one term decided it wasn't for her and applied to study nursing instead - which she is currently doing. My own DS went to Uni to study engineering having got A levels in Maths and 2 sciences. After one year - which didn't go particularly well, he took a year out and made the decision that engineering is not for him. He is currently studying for an additional A level (History) independently as he now wants to study that at Uni next year.

What I'm trying to say OP, is the teenager who follows the 2 years in 6th form and 3 or 4 years at Uni immediately afterwards does exist but other options are more common than you think. SHe will be a long time working (probably to age 70 the way things are going). Cut her some slack and let her make her own decisions and/or mistakes. She will learn a lot from that. It is never too late to change the course of your career.

[Shesaid]

Wow - think you should appreciate her resilience and resolve: it can't be easy to be up-beat and positive when she knows she has failed and has to repeat stuff. And then pat yourself on the back for bringing her up with plenty of common sense

[Solange1973]

Let her do what she wants to do!

You don't want her to turn around in a few years'time and blame you for not passing her A levels! Once they are under her belt, she has more choice. She might decided she wants to go to Uni after all. The worst would be for her to drop everything to do an apprenticeship and then hate it! After all she has been working towards her A levels for a long time and giving up now might feel like a failure. Even if she decides to do an apprenticeship after her A levels, she won't have waisted her time. What if she wants to go to Uni in 5 years time or ten years time? Better pass her A levels now than having to do an access course later on in life to make up for them.
My DD realised after 10 weeks of Uni that she hated the course and subsequently dropped out. The Uni kept her £9000 tuition fees. I was floored! And yet this was the best decision she could ever have made. She applied to a different uni for the next September and got an unconditional offer straight away. In the meantime she took job and discovered the real world - that made her desperate to go back to Uni! Two years ago this time of year, I was in tears but now she is thriving at her new Uni. The point is that SHE chose what she wanted to do. i know it isn't always easy but try to support your DD in whatever she wants to do. Good luck!

[MrsC45]

It's great that she's got a bit of perspective. She's learnt her lesson from failing and she's prepared to put that right. I'd be pleased she's willing to try again. Plus it's good that she's considering whether or not university is right for her. The cost if going is astronomical, it's not a bad thing that she's weighing up whether it's worth it. University is not for everyone, I went when the fees were just coming, but I'm not sure I'd go today having regard to the current level of fees! Plus in my circle of friends I have some if them are appalling low paid, yet they are university educated and some are very well paid and aren't.

[Dinnerout1]

This is your daughters time to shine and choose what she actually wants herself. It's also giving her time to think it through what she actually wants to do as there are so many teens that leave school and go to Uni straight away and actually find it difficult with all the pressure of growing up too fast! Least this way she can relax a little, have more time with you at home, and she will be more prepared for revision and exams. I think lose the controll a little yourself, as parents we seem to be quite bossy all through their lives when they are in infant all the way up to senior and think we know better. These days the grades are even better than what they were years ago, they even have academies now and so many different courses that were not an option before. I suggest use this time to spend time together cuz once she's gone doing her own thing that's when it will hit you and you will feel lost and wished you had spent more relaxing time together.

[nichito]

One of my friends had an eye watering IQ and ended up in an exceedingly impressive job in GCHQ by his 28th, and he didn't even go up to uni until he was 22.

Indeed a number of my friends who are doing very well indeed for themselves (doing PhDs, working in government etc) went up at that age or even later.

I went up in my mid 20s and I did more than one GCSE at primary school. I just didn't fancy going until later on, and got half a decade of work and a whole los of hedonism out of my system first. And I'm very glad I did.

It's not a race.

[Maryann1975]

Your dad sounds a bit like me at that age. I failed my first year of a levels and so restarted them. I had been pushed into sixth form and a levels by school and it was the worst mistake I made. I still did rubbish at them even with the extra year. I had no motivation to work hard and get on with revising and my parents were really frustrated with me. After my three years at a levels I went and got an apprenticeship and worked in a nursery for a year and started my nvq. I then moved to nannying to complete my level 3. I still work in childcare. If I had been properly advised at age 16, I would have gone to college to do a childcare course to start with.
I had no inclination to go to uni, but it was expected of my group at school, good girls, who were reasonably intelligent and I was in the minority for not going but school seemed to view us as a group rather than individuals.

[user1478546853]

Let her live her own life and make her own decisions. If she is happy to do an apprenticeship then be happy for her. I understand how YOU wanted it to go but it's not your life, she needs to make her own informed choices in life and won't be able to if you keep guiding her to what you think she should do and choose all the time.

[Allthewaves]

Tell her to stop. Do access course and apply for biomedical degree

[Allthewaves]

www.accesstohe.ac.uk/Pages/Default.aspx

[OldRosesDoomed]

Hmmm. I dropped out after a term and a half at uni. I earnt far more than my contemporaries by the time I was 25.

DD is doing her third year of 6th form.. She was unwell in L6 and started again.

[1000ds]

I think she sounds quite sensible, by glad she failed, could mean that she learned from her mistake of not studying/revising in the first place. Doing an apprenticeship is not a bad think, many people have done well working their way up.

You do come across as being quite negative, have some faith in her, perhaps try and give some positive advice or alternatives to the choices she has made.

[worrierandwine]

You sound like my mum and I have carried a feeling of being an let down to her through all my adult life. So she's not done as well as you both hoped, so what? She might start her job as a lab tech and hate it and have to retrain in something else. Life takes you where it takes you. What's this obsession with uni? Let's all go to uni and do some obscure course, end up thousands in debt and with no clue about the real world. Your daughter sounds sensible, level headed and positive. Please support her, apprenticeships are often favoured by employers as employees are not only gaining work experience they are also studying and working towards qualifications.

[Boomerwang]

I never knew what I wanted to do when I was a kid. My careers advisor was useless. I had no ambition to be anything in particular as it all seemed like such hard work. All the best jobs required degrees or many years at college or university and it all seemed so far off. The stupid advisor didn't help to point out that three years of hard work could give me tens of years of a better life, and I was very sheltered and had no idea of the cost of living.

So maybe I was a bit like your DD, except I chose the path of GNVQ which was a silly bit of nonsense, unlike sixth form. I actually agree that it was good she failed at this age instead of later on because she's learnt a truly valuable lesson which you can always remind her of when you feel she's getting complacent.

I wish to god I could go back in time and be given such a shock, perhaps I'd have matured a little more quickly. As it is I've bumbled through life with no real qualifications which I regret more and more every day.

Mind you, if you can get her to identify what it is she really likes (not a subject) she could surprise herself. I started out in retail, went through a phase of social support work and now I'm about to take a course on using a motorsaw to cut down trees in the woods. Took me twenty years to figure out I preferred to work outdoors.

[Milkand2sugarsplease]

I had no real idea at 16 what I wanted to do. My mum kept telling me I should teach and she thought I'd be good at that. I didn't and it was my decision to make.

I started college and really wasn't enjoying it so got a job and left college. I've always worked and always done well at work but similarly I've always hit a ceiling where I couldn't go any further.

Years later I decided to apply to uni as a mature student and get my degree.

I graduated this summer.

I'm nothing special in the least but I wanted to point out that there is no time limit - it can be done later.
I plan on telling my son when he's older that it's easier to do when you've no household responsibilities but it's doable later, just more challenging to juggle things.

[squiz81]

YABU.
You should be proud of how she has coped with this. Saying she is pleased she failed may be a bit of bravado to cover her disappointment.

University isn't essential to all good jobs. My husband has a decent job and no degree....and many people with degrees without jobs or not using their degrees in their job.

When I was her age I had no idea what I wanted to do. It's very overwhelming and I felt rushed to make a decision and I ended up doing a levels which were no real use to me. A bit of time to breathe and think about what she wants to do is a good thing.

[Randytortoise]

You can go to uni without a levels if you do an apprentiship, I did.

[PlayOnWurtz]

Yabvu I redid sixth form and didn't go to uni and it never harmed my career. You can study at any time of life, my dad completed and open university degree 10 years ago and is now looking at doing his masters.

Let her enjoy her life