To be gutted that DD has to do an extra year of Sixth Form?

[LoopyHoopy]

To be honest, the sadness has only just kicked in, as all her friends are going to look at unis, etc. she is staying on (well, moving to a different college) to repeat the a year she is currently repeating her AS.

She seems really happy about it, saying that it gives her a chance to work harder at it, as now she has failed, she knows how it's important to put the time in and says she's actually glad she failed that's the sentence that really pisses me off.

She then says how she might not even want to go to uni I know it's pathetic, but I never went to uni and know how shit it is to be struggling in a crap job.

She says she might even do an apprenticeship, the reason this is annoying is because she has her eye on an apprenticeship she can do right now (you need to have done GCSEs) so I'm not getting why she wants to waste this time getting A-Levels when she can go into it right now? Is it just me, or does it seem silly what she is doing?

To be honest, she's so blasé about it and it really winds me up

[myfavouritecolourispurple]

Not RTFT but she's 17 and may live until she's 97. She's got lots of time to make her own way and work out what she wants to do.

[Mom2Monkeys]

Ignore all the half-arsed talk that she is spouting. Teenagers talk like that and it just shows that she is considering her options. I wouldn't take it seriously.

I went to Uni, and I think she is actually being very sensible. Going back to resit A Level exams is a very brave and confident thing to do. You have to have some balls to go back when everyone else there is younger than you (and know you must have failed an exam). So you should be proud of her for that.

Look at it another way - if she'd got OK but not great results last time, she would not have been able to get into a decent University (or any university). This way, she could get better results and perhaps get into a decent Uni. I would keep the university idea alive (but not in a pushy way) and I would also be positive about the possibility of doing an apprenticeship as well. She needs to feel as if SHE is making the decision, not you. If she feels you are pushing her one way or the other, she won't make the decision with a clear head and it likely to rebel a little.

You should be grateful that she has plans. Lots of teenagers have NO plans and just want to get away from education ASAP.

Being three years behind means nothing. All it means is that she will feel a little older than the others if she goes to Uni, that's all. In fact, she will be less likely to party and lounge about, as she will be a little more mature. In the grand scheme of life, three years at that age is nothing. She won't even look older. She has tons of time to develop a career after education has finished. Think how many people take years out these days, or study 'on the job' at a later stage in life, or change careers (even several times) in their early lives because they realise they don't like what they chose. All of those people are 'behind' in the way you are talking about. But really, 'behind' is meaningless.

Seriously, don't worry. She needs you to be positive and supportive of whatever she wants to do - that's the best shot you've got of her making the right choice.

[Colby43443]

She could do a science degree with the OU without a levels then transfer to a traditional uni? My cousin's daughter did this with business from the OU to Durham.

[Agerbilatemycardigan]

My daughter took a year out after her A levels and then went to uni. Didn't really change anything except she got her degree a year later.

Your daughter will be absolutely fine.

[JennyPocket]

I didn't do as well in my A levels as needed so instead of going to uni and a course I found in the clearing process, neither of which I was happy about, I went to a different college to do an accelerated A level (completed in one year instead of 2).

I then went on to the uni and course of my choice, but interestingly it was a different choice to the one I'd originally wanted. It made no difference I was a year older than my course mates at uni and it was definitely the right thing to do.

Sometimes you need more time to find things out. I wouldn't worry. Oh and I know of people with top A level and degree results who then had to pay for their own private course just to get on the very bottom rung of their chosen career, which was completely unrelated to their degree. Their chosen career only came to light during their uni years. They are also doing well.

[JennyPocket]

(when I say I wouldn't worry, I mean do definitely encourage your DD to think hard about options and research it all etc, but please don't think this has to spell disaster).

[AskBasil]

Yes, you really are BVVVVVVVU.

Your daughter has sound, good educational goals and if she failed her A's first time round, her instinct that an apprenticeship may be a better way to go than uni, is probably quite good. Doing A levels isn't a waste of time, even if she could do the apprenticeship now, because as she learns more and builds her career, if she does a good apprenticeship, she will be getting educational opportunities within that and it's one more set of qualifications at that level, that she'll already have as the years go by, meaning that she may be eligible for her employer funding her to do other degree level qualifications which she wouldn't have access to if she didn't do her A's now.

Honestly, you do not have a problem here and please do not dent your DD's confidence and happiness by laying this on her. Get over yourself, I don't mean that harshly, I mean in a punch in the arm friendly way. So she hasn't gone the conventional route. It doesn't matter, doing it the other way means she won't have a massive overdraft in her early 20's. Support her, be pleased for her, be there to give her advice based on her actual abilities and priorities, not your's.

[AskBasil]

And yes, if she ends up going to university a year or two later than her current friends, so what? She'll meet other friends. And she'll still have her degree at the end of it, it doesn't matter when she gets it, one got in 2020 is no more valuable than one got in 1984, 2025 or 2030. A degree's a degree whenever the graduate graduated.

[LouBlue1507]

YAB hugely U. It's your DD life and her future, Let her decide what she wants without you getting angry! It's impossible to know exactly what you want to do for the rest of your life at the age of 17.

At 16 I went to 6th form because I wanted to be a meteorologist! I hated it! Dodged loads and failed my first year!
I left 6th form to do a childcare course in college for 2 years. I didn't want to go to Uni so I did the bare minimum and left with PPP grade.
I went on to start my own successful business which I loved, I did it for 3 years before relocating.
Last year I decided to apply for uni. I had no ucas points but my experience made up for it and I was given an unconditional offer without even an interview!
I'm now in my second year, on track for a first or 2:1 and will go on to do my teacher training.

At 17 I had no idea what I really wanted, at 18 I was too busy going out, drinking and dancing to concentrate on uni. If I had gone at 18 I would have wasted the opportunity, probably failed and regret it ever since.

I'm really happy with what I've achieved so far and my parents were nothing but supportive.

[Supposedtobeworking1]

I can appreciate that as a parent who is presumably now paying for those A-Levels it might be frustrating but actually I think your DD is being sensible. She's learned a valuable lesson in life about the results generally being related to the amount of effort put into getting them and realises that she messed up by not working hard enough first time around. By doing the extra year she has a chance to really improve upon her grades which will ultimately open more doors for her. Uni isn't right for everyone and not going doesn't mean having a crap job. I did the whole Uni thing, spent 8 years in academia and have a PhD. I earn the same salary as my DH who co-incidentally is the chief lab tech in the science department at a very well respected university. He left school with one A-Level, got a very low level tech job (basically collecting and washing bottles) and worked his way up. You should probably encourage you DD to do, at the very least, one science A-Level if she wants to re-take them but beyond that I would just encourage her studies especially as she seems so much more determined this time around.

[BraveDancing]

I went to university late – I finished my A levels and decided I was fed up of education and got a job in a call centre. Managed to save up enough to go travelling and took off to India. I ended up hitch hiking up to Nepal, ran out of money and taught English to the daughter of a local restaurant owner in return for board and lodging while trying to get my plane ticket changed so I could go home. My parents had no idea where I was during all this.


I then went to university, did one year of an English Lit degree, realized I hated it and dropped out to take a chemistry A level so I could do something totally different.

I finally started the degree I would actually go on to do when I was 21. I was actually far from the oldest person on the course – there were loads of mature students, and actually, I did quite a bit better than most of the 18 year olds as by then I’d got a lot of the partying urge out of my system and was ready to put my head down and get on with it. And by the time I was 30, absolutely no one gave a toss about the fact that I was doing stuff aged 30 instead of 27. I really think she’ll work it out. Kids go to uni too young in my opinion anyway. It might well do her a world of good to take some time and figure it out.

[HappyAsASandboy]

Repeating a year of sixth form was the best thing that happened to my sister. She failed A levels the first time around (no work, no motivation) and so stayed on a year to retake.

During that year she made great friends, grew up, passed the exams and realised what she wanted to do career wise. She then went on to university and built a good professional career.

Had she not stayed on, she'd have had no qualifications and would have gone into a minimally paid job. Staying on helped her find a career :)

[AnchorDownDeepBreath]

There's no reason at all that not going to uni means she won't get a good job. Me and DP earn the same, we're both considered above average salaries for our ages (mid 20s), he went - I didn't. He's got a whole load of student debt; I don't. Competition for grad jobs is fierce now and a lot of companies are opening applications to non grads too.

She'll need to work hard wherever she ends up but uni isn't naturally the best choice.

[P1nkP0ppy]

I feel for your daughter; your disappointment in her is palpable.

Instead of encouraging and supporting her you're in dangare of alienating her for life.
My mother's attitude towards me in particular was very much like yours; I 'm now 62, went to university aged 45, had a fulfilling and high level job yet never, ever managed to gain my mother's approval, support or anything else.
Even now she tells me I was a disappointment to her.

I wish your DD well, she sounds like she's thought this through.

[madein1995]

I really dont get your concern about being behind. I went to uni with someone who moaned about it and we all thought it odd. Not least because lots of people go to uni later on and what is the point of complaining of being left behind. Personally I think it ridiculous to always compare yourself to everyone else

[ephemeralfairy]

This thread proves what I have thought for ages: that we need to shift the focus away from university as the 'be-all-and-end-all' in terms of education, and we absolutely should not push people to go at 18 when they may not have the first clue about what they want to do for a career.
The three year degree model is archaic and in my opinion is not fit for purpose any more.

[WalrusGumboot]

Totally agree Ephemeral. Three years at uni doing a course you're not totally sold on (not to mention the debt), is more of a waste of time imo.

[basketofironing]

Echoing lots of PPs, I don't understand the focus on a degree being the be all and end all of getting a good job.
I was very similar to your daughter OP, I failed a year of a levels, took on an arts based course that was a-level equivalent and did a foundation degree in design (essential at the time for arts based courses) and so was two years 'behind' most people starting uni when I did.

I ended up doing a degree for the love of the subject rather than for practical future reasons. That's my only regret about not taking time to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. I'm now lumped with a degree (and other qualifications) that I enjoyed doing but is useless unless I want to work in a very competitive and specialised field. I ended up falling into teaching, which I do enjoy.

Your daughter sounds very sensible and is trying to cover all possibilities. She is planning on an apprenticeship in something she wants to do, but doing a variety of a levels to keep her options open.

Everyone is different. Some of her friends/peer group may be motivated and know exactly what they want to be/do and how to get there. Others may have no clue and bounce around between jobs and courses for years before settling.
My brother is 27 and has only just decided, (after years working his way up the ladder in a local a supermarket), to gain qualifications in accounting. He dropped out after GCSEs and didn't get a job until he was 19. He's never been happy with what he does because he had no idea what to do with his life and hated the pressure to decide before he'd had any life experience.

Some people get there later than others. Pressuring your daughter to follow the path you envisage for her will only damage your relationship.

[Mistletoetastic]

My sister had to repeat GCSE's and A Levels to get to Uni, so 2 years behind, it didn't affect her long term prospects nor her enjoyment of University. She is now an accountant, most qualified in her company and is the family bread winner.

[bluetongue]

You need to get some perspective and support your daughter. When I had to to repeat it was the end of the world to my mother. Wailing, screaming fits and general drama. She meant well (really she did) but none of this helped me.

When you look at what some teenagers are doing at her age (drugs, teenage pregnancy etc) this is really nothing to get upset about.

[themadcaplass]

This happened to me (I redid my second A Level year as I dudnt get the grades I needed for my chosen uni course). At the time I was upset, however in hindsight it did me a huge favour. I ended up with plenty of really valuable experience in my chosen field which has helped in the long run. I know it sounds cliche but life's what you make it, not everyone knows exactly what they want to do at your DDs age. And as far as her being "behind" goes, uni students are so much more varied than the stereotypical 18-21 age group. She needs your support, as other posters have said there are far worse things she could be doing!

[themadcaplass]

*didn't get the grades I needed

[Nataleejah]

Its good that she's not going to uni as its obviously not ready for it

[Permanentlyexhausted]

She seems really happy about it, saying that it gives her a chance to work harder at it, as now she has failed, she knows how it's important to put the time in and says she's actually glad she failed hmmshock that's the sentence that really pisses me off.

She sounds great! Being able to see the positives in what is perhaps not the perfect scenario is a wonderful attitude to have and will see her well for any future setbacks she might have.

I re-sat both my O levels and A levels. Didn't stop me getting a Masters degree and further professional qualifications.

[IAmNotAMindReader]

So your Dd exhibits a bit of maturity and self-reflection and it pisses you off because it doesn't fit into your plans for her. Wow.
Seriously OP, take a step back. The subjects she is doing offer her a sound grounding no matter what career she eventually ends up taking. So she does have her head screwed on there.
If she picks up even a fraction of the disappointment and resentment that you've stated here, that's the thing that will damage your relationship with her.

She very well could gain a foothold in the industry by going on to do an apprenticeship. The practical experience would be invaluable and put her ahead of the running for positions with others in a similar age group.