To think that some people have no idea how to conduct themselves?

[Luckster]

I'm fuming this evening. I'm a teacher and work long hours like lots of other people so I'm totally exhausted and may have overreacted slightly to this.
Background information - dh is a cub leader. Not the only leader, but one of a team and one of them ( not sure which one but fairly sure it isn't dh has organised a visit to an activity centre tomorrow.

Having my dinner this evening and a woman knocks on my door. I don't know her but recognise her as a parent if a cub and know she lives somewhere on the road behind me. I answer the door and she starts off saying what's happening tomorrow then? I could tell she was worked up but as I have nothing to do with cubs I have no idea what they are doing and told her so. She was getting note and more upset and asked if dh was in. When I said no she pretty much tried to barge in. Basically she hasn't seen an email about times for tomorrow, has no idea what is going on and was crying and getting hysterical by this stage saying over and over - but I'm a nurse - what am I supposed to do?

She was really over the top and most definitely unhinged and then started ranting about it being unacceptable. I pointed out there was nothing that I could do and all I could do was speak I dh when he got home and see if he knew. I pointed out that he also works long hours and is a volunteer so sometimes he may not email in a timely manner but he is doing his best. (I refer back to the fact that I am pretty certain it is not him organising this event). Anyway she ranted on and on (hysteria!) so I told her she was too emotional and needed to get her shit together. I also told her not to darken my door again with her screaming and ranting and promptly shut the door and went inside.

Seriously there was nothing j could do to help her. I appreciate its frustrating and she just wanted to get organised but to yell and scream at a volunteers wife because they have no idea what is happening is just unreasonable.

She's pretty lucky I didn't tell her to fuck right off as I'm pretty conversant with swear words! I feel I was quite restrained to me. God knows how she'll react if I see her in the street again in our small village. Oh my god, I am actually so wound up. Seriously who goes and knocks on someone's door randomly and act unhinged because you don't know what time you are supposed to be somewhere??!! People are bloody hard work!

Sadly I find this rather credible. Fortunately I'm not the leader in charge that cops the flak, but we frequently get parents getting irate over such issues- the most recent being over a similar off site type that there'd only been two months notice of

Fortunately we've not had doorsteps... yet...

Sometimes we get an apology that there was an underlying issue and the minor issue triggered it. More often the perpetrators are repeat offenders and just difficult people that are too self important to consider sacrificing their time to the benefit of the community or appreciate those that do.

Turning up at your home is unreasonable. Ranting at leaders or their family is unreasonable. You offered the little help that you could offer being unconnected with the situation. She conducted herself completely inappropriately.

(And all the best teachers have a healthy relationship with obscenities- it releases the pressure )

Can't quote (hard to copy the exact post on iPad) but in one of Ops posts I think third page she says she's exhausted and has inability to think straight...

She wrote something else too, if that doesn't translate to overstressed then I'm Princess Di - I think she also wrote explaining difference why she mentioned their respective professions - to me giving a reason why a nurse would be ranting and raving and her as a teacher would be stressed hence maybe comparison of stress levels. But perhaps I'm grasping at straws and if so I apologise.

Difference between Irish and English.

Going forward though I think OP knows she should send a direct message to her DH that parents shouldn't bother him out of hours etc... Or should use another medium to contact him and not use her.

I personally would see this as a one off and not engage on both levels if I saw her in the village. People like this can use anything as a stick to beat you with.

Sorry OP was a bit harsh on you, can't have been a nice interruption mid meal.

Oh Christ, yanbu.

OK, I get that this woman may be at the end of her tether and yes, I feel sorry for her.
But fuck, you're in your own home minding your own business and some frantic woman comes to the door demanding your time, your sympathy and your input into her life.
She has no right to any of it and I think you sound like you were as polite as possible in the circumstances. At a certain stage, you just have to accept that this is going nowhere and needs to end and as the other person is overwrought and isn't going to end it, you have to.

I think some of the negative responses may have been because you used the word hysterical, which is never going to go down well.

Ha no sorry I can see it came across as thinking I had the monopoly on being overstressed, but not at all. I totally get that it is the same as lots of other professions or life circumstances. I am absolutely knackered though so maybe not explaining myself very well. When she told me she was a nurse, it came across as her telling me she was busy, hence I pointed out I was a teacher and probably just as busy. Not doing down any other professions at all, and know that other jobs are just as hard, busy etc. etc.

Can I please repeat - I DID NOT swear at the woman. Merely thought it to myself. Sorry, I will in future of course check my personal thoughts to myself to ensure that no swearing enters my head.

Cristabell I think you have misinterpreted my comments. Merely saying I was fuming and that she was unhinged does not in anyway hint I was aggressive towards her. Fuming can be in internal thing - does not imply any outwardly physical show of aggression. Likewise, my saying she was unhinged does not imply aggression. I'm unsure why you think I was aggressive, but I assure you that you are wrong. However, I did shut the door when she had her hand on it and looked as though she was about to force her way in. Maybe I misinterpreted her body language, however, I was absolutely polite up until that point. I'm sorry I'm not as wonderful as you. I must try harder to reach your clearly unattainable standards. Next time I feel under threat I will lay down and let someone walk all over me, enter my home and do as they please. I'm sure my children won't mind at all having some ranting woman come in and scare them.

As a disclaimer - me saying I said she needed to get her shit together was me paraphrasing. I did not use those actual words before anyone picks me up on it - I therefore DID NOT swear!

Jeez, I must live on a different planet to some of you.

Mumsnet is changing. Not a single person has piped up with "it was just a snapshot of her day".

Of course YANBU.

I have absolutely no idea why the word hysterical is going to rile some people. No I do not know its background but it is a word in common parlance so understandably I thought people would be able to get my drift if I used a word that is familiar.

Personally when OP bandies around words like "hysterical" and "unhinged" without explaining why that's why me and some other posters were maybe thinking MH problem on behalf of the woman caller.

When her DH explained to her that the woman was "highly strung" he is slightly out of order just saying that with no prior proof or knowledge (in my opinion) because unless he knows her medical or MH state she could be bi polar or have any other sort of MH/SN etc.

I'm not bi polar but have friends who are and one who sadly was schizophrenic and you do sometimes have to have kid gloves and engage sensitivity when handling them. Not that OP needs to get involved and yes it was not nice for her dealing with this woman's problems.

Hysterical was spot on to describe this women.

Goodnight OP I'll leave this here.

Right, I'm off to bed. I give up. Yes she could be bi-polar, schizophrenic, anything. It's not up to me to speculate. But I will end on one note.....IT'S NOT MY FUCKING PROBLEM!

That's all folks.

You can't say "hysterical" because it attracts the angry ranty ones who'll start shouting about "menz", "the patriarchy" and "is it the 1950s?" ad nauseum.

Anyway can I suggest a Ring doorbell so you can see who's there and then shout at them without having to open the door
Genius invention. But you must not ever never ever swear because you are a teacher not a human being fgs!

Tbf for a nurse you sound pretty unsympathetic

If the OP was a nurse, (I know we've established she's not, but imagining she was) what should she have done differently? Taken the woman in her car to her DH's workplace? There was nothing the OP could have done, and the woman didn't understand that, there was nothing left to do but tell her to go away and close the door.

I think you were remarkably restrained luck star - her behaviour was outrageous whatever the cause. Those posters speculating about her possible afflictions - what about yours and your right to quiet enjoyment of your own home without having to take on the issues of utter randoms? Most of us are just about coping with our own jobs and families we cannot take on everyone's problems.

Honestly - your Dh does a lovely thing volunteering and this is what you get for his troubles? Talk about no good deed unpunished.

And in my experience of those that do work professionally with troubled people they have pretty strong boundaries in place and barging into your home ranting and raving would cross those boundaries.

Same question for those shouting "what if she had MH issues":
Again, even if OP knew she did, what would you have the OP do? bring her in, lay her on a chez long and ask her about her childhood?

Dito for "what if she has learning difficulties"
Still, same question, does that mean the OP could NEVER close the door, the OP DID explain several times that she didn't know the details - how many ways can you explain that?

Navy if it was me seriously I'd try to calm her down! I wouldn't let her push past me but would invite her in for tea (yes seriously) and let her calm down. If she escalated into more rantiness then yes I'd have shown her the door but would have given her benefit of the doubt before now.

Disclaimer - my mum bless her has invited people in calm or not at all times of day so probably learnt it off her. I'm also a communicator and like to sort problems. I know this makes me come off as saintly, sorry just the way I am.

Op said she is fuming and the women is unhinged. Sorry but that just makes me think that op was quite aggressive towards her

WTF? How on earth doesn't this make the OP aggressive?? ANd how exactly could she have been more helpful? She didn't have the answers the woman needed. Should the OP have tuned in to her psychic powers?

And would you say the same if a man was at the door behaving this way?

No you can't say 'hysterical' to mean gone mad because that infers the woman has womb problems associated with the 19th century. No wait, you can't say 'gone mad'. That infers mh problems (possibly undiagnosed, the poor dear)

Apoplectic? Incandescent?

Whatever the acceptable term is for a person who turns up on your doorstep and proceeds to abuse the crap out of you...

YANBU.

"No Cristabell What the deranged women needed to be told was to fuck off away from the OP's door. This is what I would have done." How productive and classy

Invite her in?

If I'm alone with DH out for the evening, with my kids upstairs in bed, FUCK NO am I going to invite someone who is ranting on my doorstep in for a cup of tea. And neither would most people in the real non MN world! That would be a fucking stupid thing to do!

My kids mental health trumps any potential or imagined mental health issues of random door-steppers, I'm not inviting ranting strangers into their safe space!