To think that some people have no idea how to conduct themselves?

[Luckster]

I'm fuming this evening. I'm a teacher and work long hours like lots of other people so I'm totally exhausted and may have overreacted slightly to this.
Background information - dh is a cub leader. Not the only leader, but one of a team and one of them ( not sure which one but fairly sure it isn't dh has organised a visit to an activity centre tomorrow.

Having my dinner this evening and a woman knocks on my door. I don't know her but recognise her as a parent if a cub and know she lives somewhere on the road behind me. I answer the door and she starts off saying what's happening tomorrow then? I could tell she was worked up but as I have nothing to do with cubs I have no idea what they are doing and told her so. She was getting note and more upset and asked if dh was in. When I said no she pretty much tried to barge in. Basically she hasn't seen an email about times for tomorrow, has no idea what is going on and was crying and getting hysterical by this stage saying over and over - but I'm a nurse - what am I supposed to do?

She was really over the top and most definitely unhinged and then started ranting about it being unacceptable. I pointed out there was nothing that I could do and all I could do was speak I dh when he got home and see if he knew. I pointed out that he also works long hours and is a volunteer so sometimes he may not email in a timely manner but he is doing his best. (I refer back to the fact that I am pretty certain it is not him organising this event). Anyway she ranted on and on (hysteria!) so I told her she was too emotional and needed to get her shit together. I also told her not to darken my door again with her screaming and ranting and promptly shut the door and went inside.

Seriously there was nothing j could do to help her. I appreciate its frustrating and she just wanted to get organised but to yell and scream at a volunteers wife because they have no idea what is happening is just unreasonable.

She's pretty lucky I didn't tell her to fuck right off as I'm pretty conversant with swear words! I feel I was quite restrained to me. God knows how she'll react if I see her in the street again in our small village. Oh my god, I am actually so wound up. Seriously who goes and knocks on someone's door randomly and act unhinged because you don't know what time you are supposed to be somewhere??!! People are bloody hard work!

In my opinion you are not being unreasonable. My DH is a Cubs leader too and I get constant texting from other parents about Cubs plans. Turning up on my doorstep would tip me over the edge!

Nope, I don't answer my door if I'm eating. Or answer the phone. It can wait

Nor do I expat. There's been a few door answering threads on MN of late and I think some people believe it's the law to answer your door at all times

Wonder if OP would get the same arsey responses if a dad had behaved this way on her doorstep? Can't imagine anyone telling her to make him a cuppa.

Also I think the teacher reference was to say that the OP has very little free time and she doesn't want it spoiled by ranting mums on her doorstep. And she was only reiterating that the woman kept saying she was a nurse. Really there's no need for people to get so upset at the fact the OP mentioned these things 🙄

Sorry op but I feel sorry for the lady that knocked at your door and think you should of been more sensitive...

You don't know what's going on in her life and what daily struggles she may have! It sounds to me like she's got a lot going on and may be finding all to much.

Poor women I hope she's ok.

Just reading a few more texts. Let me clarify. I only mentioned being a teacher as an explanation that I'm absolutely exhausted because of the hours I've been putting in. I appreciate that lots of other professions have long hours too but have been working ridiculous hours for he last few weeks and am exhausted. I assumed that if I said I was a teacher people would realise about the hours and exhaustion and lack of ability to see clearly at the moment as a result. Shouldn't have assumed. Profession was only mentioned to explain that. She mentioned she was a nurse as she kept repeating but I'm a nurse. Perhaps for the same reasons. Who knows?

I'm with you op. She was bang out of order.

Hang on - a strange woman turns up on the doorstep ranting and having a go at the OP about something which has nothing to do with her and is completely beyond her control and she's supposed to invite her in for a cup of tea and chat???? Seriously? FFS. No! OP has every right to be upset by this woman's behaviour and is not her counsellor. She was in the privacy of her own home and didn't ask for this woman to turn up unannounced. Either the woman is extraordinarily rude and needs to wind her neck right back in, or she has MH/breakdown issues in which case the OP is not the person to solve those issues for her. OP has her own worries and problems without a stranger trying to barge into her home. In her position I would have felt very intimidated.

'Fucks sake a rude screaming woman practically barges into the OPs home and OP is the bad guy (and a shit nurse even though she's a teacher ha). What is it with MN?! Wouldn't be surprised if someone tells you you should have given her a cream egg to calm down OP wink'

Reminds me of the thread where an OP posted about a homeless person breaking into the shed in her mother's garden and how upset it was making her mother, who struggled with anxiety. Cue a load of utter bollocks posts about how if they were the OP they would take the person a flask of soup and bedding, clothing, rucksacks, etc.

expat just shows the difference in how we've been brought up I guess. Bad manners to just ignore someone

ARF expat you feral woman you

Could you not have asked for her phone number and told her you DH would get in touch, as suggested by a previous poster?

There are a couple of people I have interactions with who have serious mental health issues (one is a paranoid schizophrenic) and I have found that the easiest way to deflect aggression is to at least appear to be helping (even when there is nothing you can do, practically speaking). Writing her number down may have reassured her that you were taking her seriously - especially if you were able to give her an approximate time that your DH would be home.

I have to admit that I have never had anyone getting hysterical on my doorstep while I have young children in the house, though, so I may have revised my strategy if I'd been faced with that.

Once again...not OP's circus,not her monkeys. She owed that woman nothing,definitely not access to her house.

I did say I would speak to dh when he got home but she was frustrated that I couldn't give her an answer immediately. I had no idea when he would be home as he also works long and sometimes unpredictable hours. But she did have his mobile number and his email so could have contacted him directly. I take your point about appearing to be helping and believe me I did initially want to help but I'm exhausted and just couldn't cope with someone ranting at me this evening.

Anyway, DH is home now and it turns out that parents have already been given all of the information 2 weeks ago, plus consent forms and a reminder on Monday so not sure there was much more he or his fellow leaders could have done.

P.s. I wonder what the replies would be if at the door was the irate dad of a child.

Does your DH know why the woman would have been so upset?

*Sorry op but I feel sorry for the lady that knocked at your door and think you should of been more sensitive...

You don't know what's going on in her life and what daily struggles she may have! It sounds to me like she's got a lot going on and may be finding all to much.

Poor women I hope she's ok.*

Likewise she had no idea what is going on in my life and the daily struggles that I may have. But apparently it's my responsibility to be sensitive to everyone else - even if they come knocking at my door behaving in such a way? It works both ways. You're having a laugh.

expat I once had a homeless man who left fag ash and beer cans behind in my shed and I screamed and ran back in the house and DH asked him to leave. Pleased I didn't post about it on MN especially as I found his prison discharge papers amongst the fag ash. But I'm sure I'd just be called callous and classist by the virtue signalling mummy martyr masses

DH said she is very highly strung and comes across very oddly at times. He doesn't really know her very well.

Op is not a nurse. RTFT

Oh, so not entirely out of character by the sound of it. Maybe he could have a quiet word with her about what happened and tell her to text/email him if she wants any information in future.

Even if she was apparently nurses should let shouting strangers into their homes otherwise they're not very good at their jobs.

OP ignore the virtue signallers, like you say no one knows of youre going through anything tough, you did absolutely nothing wrong I can't say I'd have that patience!

I'm a brownie leader. Had offered to help a fellow leader at guides one night. My phone kept buzzing which normally is ignored until the end of a meeting. But it transpires to be a brownie parent who was on my doorstep going mad because I wouldn't open the door! Dh wasn't home and nor were the kids but I had left lights on. She was not happy with me and demanded I came home right away which I was unable to do.

A stern email was fired out when I got home regarding turning up on my doorstep and being rude over the phone!

I do think leaders have a right to privacy and I hate answering my door. I feel safe in my home and hate door knockers or unexpected people.

I'm with you OP. Her behaviour was appalling and I'd be furious if someone came to my home and spoke to me like that.

Why on earth would you invite someone into your home who's turned up uninvited, shouting and creating a scene and then tried to push their way in? If someone did that to me, they'd be getting the door firmly shut in their face!

I really wonder if the people claiming they'd invite her in for tea and counselling would react that way in real life, or if they're just looking for Internet randoms to pat them on the back and tell them what a wonderful person they are

Sorry op but I feel sorry for the lady that knocked at your door and think you should of been more sensitive... You don't know what's going on in her life and what daily struggles she may have! It sounds to me like she's got a lot going on and may be finding all to much.

The OP is not her therapist. She knocked (at an inconvenient time) she asked a question and was answered.
She wouldn't let it go.

Not the OP's problem and I wouldn't be thinking of someone's 'daily struggles' if they were on my doorstep ranting and raving at me.

i'd have shifted her quick smart from my door. Bloody loon. Remember ,OP, she might have mental health problens blah blah. blah
Really, you should have invited her in for a cuppa. How very cruel of you.

Thanks to everyone who understands.

I'm not upset by what happened, more shocked by the behaviour on my doorstep. Not a chance would she be invited into my home. Good to know though that next time I have a crappy day or feel stressed I can just turn up ranting at someones door and they'll have to be all warm and sympathetic to me. (Note the use of sarcasm!).