Surely people don't actually do this?

[Rollonbedtime7pm]

Noticed on a lot of threads about husbands and chores that so many people often ask the OP "why are you cooking/washing/cleaning for him?"

AIBU to think not washing your partner's clothes or cooking them dinner when doing your own is just weird?! Do people really operate in a "I look after myself only" kind of way?

I can understand if your DH is totally taking the piss and lets you do everything then maybe you need to rethink the chore sharing but just for the principle of not being a stepford wife?! Or because he's an adult or whatever the weird reason?

No he works all day. 7 days a week all year. So I feel I should do all the work. Occasionally when he's home early and we've all eaten dinner and everyone goes to the living room to watch tv and I have dishwasher to empty and re fill. Pans to wash. Surfaces to wash. Washing to hang etc. I feel a bit pissed off. But most of the time it's my job. If I worked full time I'd expect more.

Every relationship is different and it depends upon what works for you..
We split the household tasks.. He keeps the kitchen clean / loads & unloads the dishwasher whereas I do everything to go with washing and drying clothes..

When there's people around, just assign them a job to do. They'll appreciate what you do within the family a little more if they, kids especially, don't live with the idea that the fairies do it all but, otherwise, your dp can't do what he's not there to do. I'm assuming here, of course, that he'll happily make you both a cuppa, take his used dishes into the kitchen, make sure his dirty clothes are in the basket and ready to wash (ie pockets checked etc) because if that's all left to you, then he's still taking the piss, whatever hours he works.

It's all about behaving like a responsible 21st century adult. My ex was a complete lazy manchild and I did stop cooking for him and cleaning up after him, when I got utterly sick of it.

We will only achieve real equality when you start to hear women ask their husband if she's got any clean pants for tomorrow

This actually is the way in our house! I don't even know how to use the machine ,

I cook and he does the washing - its a 50/50 in our house but we both work full time.

I think how petty or usual the division of chores seems (referring to the OP) is partly to do with how things are set up to do them - in our household, whoever cooks dinner that night does it for everyone, but each adult does their own laundry. We have individual baskets in the places we get dressed, so there isn't any picking through and choosing to ignore clothes belonging to each other.

Washing is pretty much the only domestic contribution I make, despite the fact I only work part time. A more equal division of chores would be to my disadvantage so I'm more than happy to wash a few shirts!

You know, having learnt What Men Are Like from mumsnet, I've often wondered how gay relationships work. I mean the actual mechanics of it aren't an issue, but my god surely they both just live in filth?! With no woman there, how does anything get done? Why isn't there some kind of homosexual Brownian motion going on with all these men just LTB all over the place? Who gets to wear the martyr crown?! It's all just v. puzzling.

Well quite. I must be a repressed gay man. DW looks after the laundry, although I will hang it out if she and if I have time. She also does school runs. Whereas, I do all

• the cooking
• the washing up
• vacuuming
• windows
• kitchen
• all heavy cleaning (oven, fridge, general grime around the house)
• bathroom / toilet
• bill payments
• accounts
• ironing

Plus a host of other things as I see them.

I'm also FT. DW is PT.

That I do more than her is beyond doubt. I'd do the laundry too, but I haven't time. Basically I don't mind chores as much as her, and I get through them quicker.

From my observation of my friend and work colleagues, there are a few men who clearly don't pull their weight, and also a few women too, overall.

Do you really do all that toad? My OH wouldn't know how to switch the vacuum on. Must admit if he eats alone when I'm not home he will clear his things away, he does occasionally unload the dishwasher and reload. He puts his clothes in the laundry basket. I've never seen him vacuum, dust, iron etc. So he does a few things. Actually, I left him home and took the children away for a few days in the summer. He thought he'd be helpful and do a machine load of washing. He left it in a pile ready for me to iron. He'd washed a favourite shirt of mine which was white with a blue pattern, with his deep red jeans. Now I have a pink shirt. So maybe it's better to do it myself.

My OH has never used the washing machine. I do 80% of the housework. He works much longer hours than me and often works away, plus I am at home all day so it makes sense to do all the washing. He does as much as he can when he is at home, cooks, shops, washing up etc.

I think I have the best deal actually.

DH does similar than Toad.
Thats because I'm ill and cant physically do those things atm.
But he has always about half of the thiungs needed in the house with a bit of a push after ML, it was very convenient to want to tay in the situation where I was doing it all

Latest studies in France show that about 40% of men are spending more time doing HW. Child related stuff etc.. than women. Yep in a country known for men to be very macho.
The best thing for me was the fact that the article relating that was saying that we were still far from equality because they were doing to 'interesting/artistic stuff' such as DIY or doing homework with the dcs whereas women are still doing the boring repetitive ones such as washing up.

The conclusion for me is ... that men ARE totally capable of switching a hoover or seeing the mess. They just dont want to.

I do all dhs washing. The kids help with the washing, dh never does.

But then he does the supermarket shopping and all the cooking. I never do it and the kids help out with that too.

I don't get why anyone would think doing someone's washing means you are acting like their mother. Dh isn't acting like my father when he cooks my dinner. Or hoovers the living room that we all use. Or makes our bed.

Why would it be different with washing?

I don't want two laundry baskets in our bedroom. We have one. I pick out what's going in according to colours and material. Not who wore it.

Not you are expecting very very little from your DH tbh.
He is living as if he was in a hotel or with a maid in the house 24/7.
Even in those situation, he would put his clothes in the wash. I'm that you count that as 'doing something'

When my dh was a SAHD to our school aged children he did everything at home because he could get through all the housework and still have time to himself during the day. SAHPs to small children are usually working pretty hard caring for and entertaining the small children so need as much of a break as the working parent, and if both parents are working similar hours then housework should be shared in whatever way works for both of them. The trouble is that the default is often a pattern where regardless the woman is assumed to be the default carer/housework undertaker.

My dh washes my clothes and he used to wash our childrens clothes too. Now they do their own. Largely because this avoids arguments about when the washing is done and why it's not been put away. We no longer care if their clothes are all over their bedroom floors, and it's their problem if they have nothing they want to wear to school so they tend to organise themselves instead.

I do it all here, I'm a SAHM. DH washes the dinner dishes (badly) irons his shirts for the week, and cuts the grass. My one gripe is he doesn't put the bins out, in 8 years I've never been able to get him to put the bins out, It's a real pet peeve of mine.
Am hoping to be back to work, starting my own business very soon so I'm not sure how it's all going to work, things may be a bit tetchy for awhile.

As I'm disabled my kitchen and washing is the jobs I'm allowed to do by dh he does the rest and we share parental jobs evenly xxx

My husband does most of the washing 30/60, takes the bins out does the garden and looks after the car and hoovers now and again, I do all the cooking, dishes and 90% of the cleaning. I do more house work than him but I only work park time and we both wash each others clothes. it makes more sense but we know a couple who washes their clothes separately but they also keep their money separate the have a mortgage and little boy and a marriage but don't have a clue about each others money.

It is actually OK to have separate finances, you know. It doesn't mean you're somehow Not A Relationship. We have kids and a mortgage and a double bed and everything, but a mix of separate and joint bank accounts.

Mrs Hathaway, none of the above. I stayed home because I wanted to... literally simple as that...

Also, maternity pay was better than paternity!!

What really baffles me is that so people are so interested in what other people do. Are people really so incapeable of understanding that something that suits them will not automatically suit everyone else?

I've always done the lions share of the housework. When we first married DH had a really long commute whereas I worked from home a lot or only had a 5 minute drive. Since then I've become a SAHM while he still works FT with a long commute.

Our way works for us, I don't give a fuck what anyone else does.

What other people, in general, do impacts on the wider society, on legislation, on expectations.
Of course it bloody matters.

Bollocks.

We both do a load of laundry each a week, we both shove whatever of each other's that has become grubby in with our own and anything else we've gathered up that will fit. Whoever gets home first cooks. Whoever is home at three pick Small Son up from school. If we're both working late he goes to after school club and I pick him up because I drive and Beloved Spouse doesn't. I do the diy, the plumbing the gardening, driving and putting the rubbish out. Neither of us iron. The bare minimum of housework is done. Finances are merged so there is only "family money". I can't imagine a relationship where half the partnership goes out of their way to deliberately not do something for the other half. But it seems surprisingly common on here.

where half the partnership goes out of their way to deliberately not do something for other half

I don't see it like that. I do all the laundry for instance.
There are 4 adults and a teenager in the house. I do 15 loads a week, with delicate dance costumes, grubby work clothes, white cotton shirts and everything in between.
I don't have a tumble drier ( by choice) but have a systematic approach. I line dry, and weather watch. I'm at home all day so I can plan when to do a load of sheets and I know how much rack space I have for drying, so I don't wash too much that I know I can't get dry.

It makes sense to have one person designated to that task. I really wouldn't want someone coming along and shoving a chiffon dance skirt in with my muddy gardening trousers and then realising all the drying racks are full.
It's not a case of my OH refusing to wash my clothes, it just makes sense from a practical view to have one person doing all the laundry. There are things I never " do for my OH".
I never clean out the fridge or freezer. I never wash my car, I don't take the bins out.
Division of labour can be a harmonious thing.