Surely people don't actually do this?

[Rollonbedtime7pm]

Noticed on a lot of threads about husbands and chores that so many people often ask the OP "why are you cooking/washing/cleaning for him?"

AIBU to think not washing your partner's clothes or cooking them dinner when doing your own is just weird?! Do people really operate in a "I look after myself only" kind of way?

I can understand if your DH is totally taking the piss and lets you do everything then maybe you need to rethink the chore sharing but just for the principle of not being a stepford wife?! Or because he's an adult or whatever the weird reason?

People are like this with teenagers, too. On MN, they must be doing their own loads of washing from Y10 onwards, or they will never survive at university and will be spoilt.

I am not going to get both my 19- and 18-year olds to put on loads of their washing separately. What a waste of electricity. Sometimes I get them to do a load of their own stuff if there is masses, but I usually suggest topping it up from the family laundry basket.

I certainly know more people
In real life who do the lions share of housework and cooking/washing etc but I think on here if you dare say you do more than your husband then you are in danger of being castigated for letting down the female species with your weakness. That's not to say that men shouldn't be expected to do more - they absolutely should. To be honest the threads I have read on here have made me realise how important it is to challenge stereotypes and insist on DH doing a bit more to help out with everyday chores. It has also inspired me to teach my sons that they mustn't assume that there is any such thing as 'women's work' and that they must do an equal share of cooking, laundry, cleaning etc. That said if you personally are happy with your domestic situation then that's fine and it's really no one else's place to tell you what to do.

I see it that we are a team in this house.

Dp works full time and I stay at home due to disability so normally I will cook and do the washing, because I'm here.

I had surgery nearly six weeks ago and DP has been doing everything while I am recuperating. He generally does the ironing anyway but he does all the washing, cooking, dishes, running the dc about, tidying and cleaning. He hasn't moaned about it once.

I have started cooking again and can wash up but still struggling to do things which involve bending or lifting and can't drive yet so he's also doing all the shopping.

But then when he had his accident three years ago I took over absolutely everything including doing all his personal care, was lugging xmas decorations up into the loft and dealing with the car stuff (which he normally does).

I couldn't be in a relationship where we couldn't work together. I think that's really sad.

Nothing wrong with letting teenagers do part of the laundry- but again, perfectly easy to say to them "could you put a 40 wash on" and let them top up their own washing out of the communal laundry basket. Mine also regularly wash up- and they don't just select the knives and forks they may have used to eat their dinner.

Agree with fluffy and bluntness - we sound like fluffy but with kids and thankfully no grass to cut

We each do our own clothes and whoever is doing theirs will also chuck in kids washing / bedding etc that is around

I have no idea how DH washes his stuff and several bits of mine is handwash / delicates so why waste his time filtering mine?

woe betide anyone cooking or washing for a teenager...

I was annihilated a few years ago for doing DD1's washing/catering for her specific diet (Regardless of the fact that i was a sahm also catering for every other whim that arose)
The teenager had to fend for herself (according to MN)

It's all about being fair, surely, plus the factor of brawn and who is good/not good at tasks.

One of the worst I saw on MN was some person asking if she was BU because her dh was not sitting up with her during 4-hourly night breastfeeds to keep her company, in spite of his having to go to work. Common sense would surely tell you that two dog-tired people was ridiculous, but still there were the angry posters piling in with how it was his child too, yada yada. Bet there was no chance of that bloke having his socks washed.

I do all the washing and ironing in our house, and I put DH's away, though DD puts her own away - can't find anything when I do it! (occasionally DH or DD will put a wash on) but I'm happy with that as DH does all the cooking, which I hate.

In this house whoever is home first cooks dinner, for everyone. I do most of the washing, but DH will do most of the ironing. He cuts the grass, but I'm rubbish at it.
At the moment he does most of the housework, but I'm pregnant and have SPD.
To us, marriage is a bout partnership and each pulling their weight looking after each other. Got to do what works for your own family and relationship though! I don't know any couple who cook for themselves and not their partner though.

I do all the cooking, cleaning washing but I only work mornings whereas DH is the main breadwinner and isn't home until 6.30. If it was reversed he would do the same. he often cooks at weekends and irons his own shirts though.

We tend to do our own cooking and washing. My DH would be happy only eating toast forever (weirdo) so I offer to make whatever I'm making for dinner but 90% of the time he'll decline. During the week one of us will prob be home later than the other wants to eat anyway. We each have our own laundry basket and there's normally plenty for a load just with me and DS, but if there's space i'll top up with his stuff. This all works well for us. Other people will be different.

Well, I am very happy to divide up the chores in whatever way works. So I do almost all the washing (my choice as I like it done my way!) and DH does stuff like mowing the lawn - a job I'd hate. Main thing is it works out fairly in the long run and one partner isn't taking the mick.

However, if DH managed to get a stain on something of his, my reaction would probably be "Oh dear, how are you going to get that out?" so I understand why someone might raise an eyebrow at a bloke cheerfully dropping some stained thing in the basket and leaving it for the laundry fairy!

Context is important though so, if he, say, got oil on himself whilst fixing my car, I'd be more likely to offer to sort it for him than say, spilling wine down himself at the office jolly while I put five children to bed on my own

There are different ways to split HW 50/50.
One is where everyone does everything 50% of the time (I cook today, you will cook tomorrow, I do my washing and ironing, you do yours).
And one where you split the tasks between you (one is dealing with the cooking, the other with the ironing)
Or any mix in between depending on what you like/dislike the least etc...
None are better or worse than the other tbh. The idea is split work in a nice way.

lol at selecting the knife and fork they have used when doing the washing!
A home, we have two baskets, one for colour stuff, the other for 'white ish' stuff. Teenagers can be asked to put one lot of washing to go. They are all at 40 anyway. It will be a mix of our clothes, their clothes, their sibling clothes .
My aim is to teach them we are a family, a team, there is no 'my washing therefore I only do my stuff' in the same way that I dont cook just for myself or dont do the washing just for myself

I prefer the advice about having a similar amount of free time - I do all the cooking because I can't bear the sort of food my DH cooks and washing & ironing but I have hours more 'free' time than my DH does. Of course he can cook, wash and iron - but as he is at work for long, stressful hours (self employed) and I work part time - I am more than happy to do those tasks for him - for which he is very appreciative.

And for those of you who say he should learn to cook better - he actually prefers the sorts of things he cooks and probably doesn't enjoy my cooking as much as I do .

The washing all goes in one basket here so it all gets washed together. Who puts it on depends on who's home at the time. If it's just me I'll put it on, if any children are home I'll ask them to do it. If anyone has anything specific they need washing they'll have to put a whole load on with laundry from the basket.

Same with the dishwashing - I do have a rota for which child does it after dinner but I'll do it during the day when I'm home. We all use plates etc so we all take turns doing the cleaning.

We mainly eat together but sometimes I'll eat at a different time or DH will so we'll cook ourselves something different.

I often see this as well and think its odd, but then I remind myself that lots of couples both work full time, or at least the woman works part time and the other half if taken up with childcare, so it's fair that the man should so his share. My DH never did (and still never does) housework but then he works full time and I don't work at all.

I have been a SAHM for so blinking long that my children are practically ready to draw their pensions that I forget that some partnerships divvy up household duties differently to mine.

But on the laundry front I think it makes sense for one person to take responsibility for it. Doing individual washing loads is inefficient, complicated and energy wasting.

We both do the washing (and the kids help too).

Strange that you framed the OP around why a woman wouldn't be doing a man's washing. Why wouldn't a man be doing a woman's washing?

The very fact you framed it that way is what posters get at when asking questions of an OP. She is the one expected to sort out the washing.

You can wash your husband's clothes and still be a feminist!

We will only achieve real equality when you start to hear women ask their husband if she's got any clean pants for tomorrow

I really don't understand some of these attitudes. My DP and I are a team, and we do things for each other.

For example, he owns the house we live in (no mortgage) and I live in it for free, plus he pays all the bills. I contribute half the food bill, plus other costs like a contribution towards holidays, etc. This means that I can afford to work part-time, which I really appreciate.

In exchange I do most of the housework, laundry, cooking etc. I offered to do this when I moved in with him, and am very happy to do it.

He does most of the gardening, decorating, and any heavy jobs around the house. He also does 'special occasion' cooking such as when we have guests as he's a better cook than me!

It works for us

All washing is shared in our household, tidying etc. are also shared, but with food I tend to cook for DDs and me, simply because in recent years DH has become so faddy about what he eats that I might as well not bother. If I cooked what he liked, it would be meat and potatoes and gravy every night, no spices, no veg, no fruit. It's very unhealthy. But he's an adult so we had a discussion about managing meals, and the conclusion we came up with is what we are doing now so it's by mutual agreement.

He did go through a lazy fecker stage in the aftermath of a back problem when he genuinely couldn't do much and discovered it was cushy, but I set him straight we sorted it out.

When DH and I first moved in together, we agreed that I would do the laundry and he would do the cooking. So yes, I do all his laundry, and that includes ironing when necessary (v rare) and if he got a stain on something it would be my job to sort it. But on the other hand he's cooked every home meal I've eaten for 15 years.

Other household stuff we split and share as it comes. But he really hates laundry, and I really hate cooking, so that's worked well for us.

I think it depends if the husband helps or not

Helps? My husband could only help me with housework/laundry/cooking if this was somehow my job. It is not. Why would it be, I don't work as a housekeeper.

Ehrm yes, I normally do a full load, because I add other stuff in there, but it's not I don't do it to prove a point, simply He's got a ton of washing, his clothes are big and heavy and where as I need to do once a week, he probably needs to do his two or three times a week. We both work. I genuinely can't comprehend why I would possibly go and do his washing or ironing for him unless he was really stuck.

He's not doing mine either, and I certainly would not expect him too as he wouldn't expect it of me, and my daughter started doing her own from about 15 and yes I'd say they were all pretty much full loads, as we do have other stuff, like sheets and towels etc that need doing also or we wait till we have a full load.

I think both adults in a relationship should do things for each other but it shouldn't be a one way street. So if you're cooking for yourself,ask the other if they want you to do for them too, if you're putting on a white load of laundry, put their whites in too, etc.

I generally only think "why are you looking after this man child?!" Applies if one person is doing everything and the other is doing nothing and/or being excessively critical or demanding

Theee seems to be an element of " why wouldn't uou do uour husbands laudry cooking etc" but really not seeing any " why is uour husband not doing yours " .

Maybe it's the 1950s and someone forgot to tell me.