To ask if you mind being addressed by your husbands initial?

[Zaratall]

In the process of buying a house and have just received some documentation.

I kept my own name when I got married so my name is Ms Zara Tall.

I've found that this has caused much confusion when dealing with anything official. People can't grasp that I'm a married Ms. So this latter has been addressed to Mrs Zara Tall and Mr My Husband. No biggie.

However the vendors have been named as Mr and Mrs Mansname Vendors.

I can't believe in this day and age people are still leaving women's names off official documentation concerning them.

Do you mind this?

Titles are on their way out, little by little.

Once, you used to call your own husband Mr xxxx in company.

Now, the teachers/principal at DCs' school are all called by their first name. Even our GP surgery ditches Dr half the time.

We seem to be the only country that doesn't value its culture and history

That is...er...um... a...remarkable thing to say about Britain, of all places. We never stop harping on about our culture and history!

Once upon a time, wouldn't young women be Miss and anyone older or a mother Dame or Mistress? I quite like the idea of changing title because you are grown up or venerated as ancient and not because you are married (which many many people weren't until C19 anyway).

I'm a married Miss. What irritates is not people assuming I am a Mrs or giving me DH's surname, because it is still the conventional choice for most people of my generation by far. It is people questioning my choice. I think when an adult tells you their title and name you accept it without quibble (even if you think it's odd). Just like those people who think my last name should have another vowel in it. Don't argue with me, it's my name and all anyone else has to do is just write down what I tell them.

I mind.
Just received an anniversary card addressed to MR AND MRS L CHAMONIX
at first I was very confused as never knew people did this, now I'm just pissed

Klingy, (apt name, by the way) , keep your hair on!! Before you explode, it really is ok for me to think women who see no problem at all in having their name erased, have zero self respect.

If you are getting angry at me for pointing that out, might I respectfully suggest you are getting angry at the wrong person.

Yeah - annoys me even more as I've not changed my name and still get someone who deliberately addresses letters like this with husbands initial and surname - fucking infuriating.

It's just utterly sexist. We need men to start changing their names to the woman's in equal numbers as women do so to men's, and people to address names to "Ms and Mr Womansname" when neither change their surnames.

It doesn't happen very often and I don't really mind, life's far too short.....

life's far too short - what, to object to blatant sexism?

Sorry not rtft but yes it bothers me. I am a mrs. Mrs to me means partnership. Mrs hisinitial as well as surname indicates that I am his subordinate. I am not

Mr could be single or married, no-one knows. So why do women have to differentiate?
Ms sorts the issue.
I notice a lot of posts on forums about this and what comes out of the replies is often that many women dp not even realise they don't have to change their name on marriage. Or that when you register a child, if married, both parents agree childs name. And it can be different to both parents name. And if not married, the mother can name the child whatever.
It annoys me that despite women getting some equal rights, when it comes to marriage, it is still expected for the woman to give up her name and give up her job when she has kids.
And what I really hate Is the number of posts I see from single mums wishing they had got the same surname as their child. The dads gone but the mum felt at the time that they had to give the child dads surname.
My biggest pet hate is my auntie constantly sending post to Mr and Mrs (husbands initial and surname). Even if the letter or card was just for me. And when I asked her to address it correctly she lectured me on how it wasn't legal, wasn't right etc.
But then she also thought my OH was the main breadwinner, because in her life men always are.

SazzyB100 excellently put, I completely agree.

I hate it. I am not my husbands chattel. Ridiculous behaviour. My MIL triespecially to defend it citing tradition. To which I have been known to point out that bear baring was once considered a traditional cultural practice. Traditions that offend are just shit and should be got ridown of!

and what comes out of the replies is often that many women do not even realise they don't have to change their name on marriage.

For many women, changing their name is something they desperately want to do, as if getting married is a huge achievement, and it needs trumpeting from the rooftops.

You see it on FB - the ink is barely dry on the marriage certificate, and the bride is tripping over herself to change her surname to her husband's.

I find it so cringe-y, and I say this as someone who did take their husband's name (after much umm-ing and ah-ing).

Agree with Sazzy above. Ridiculous that women have to declare their marital status through their title. In an ideal world (IMHO) it would be like men - so Mr just means adult male. All girls should be Miss and women - married or unmarried - Mrs. However, since no one seems to do this I use Ms. The whole thing annoys me. And as for husband's sodding initial…. GAH! As if losing your surname isn't enough - we are expected to lose even our first names. Entire identity sublimated to the man. Vile. MIL does it the whole time (even though I didn't change my surname on marriage). It will die out. Not a minute too soon, though….

Most of our post comes addressed Firstname Surname, no titles. Which seems the obvious way to avoid all of these issues. dh and I rarely get post to both of us as I pay the mortgage and he pays the bills. We also share our first initials and so as I took his surname when we got married means our names look the same. Makes it less jarring if anything does arrive Mr and Mrs only one initial surname. I would be very pissed off indeed to receive anything addressed to Mrs dh's name dh's surname. My first name is who I am - I very rarely use my surname at all.

It shocks me that there are still so many misconceptions about titles, and particularly Ms. People believe it can't be used until 18, or that only divorced women can use Ms (heard that one quite a few times!).

I set up my first ever bank account, age 11, as Ms WomanWithAltitude and have never looked back. When businesses ask for 'Mrs Hisname' I feign confusion and ask who they are talking about. I think if a company wants my business, they can use the name I've told them. Thankfully most of my friends and relatives don't do it, but some still do and they know it annoys me.

No, I'm not bothered by it and never have been.

WomanWithAltitude I had always planned to change my title to "Ms" when I'm 18 but only learnt from this thread I could do so now, my bank account and card along with any letters I may get are all "Miss". I suppose I should have realised earlier! Unsurprisingly my brothers have both always been "Mr".

If I marry and anyone tries addressing me or asking for "Mrs Hypotheticalhusbandsname" I'll definitely be using your tactics. If they can't grasp it, I'll go elsewhere. Friends and relatives doing it knowing it annoys you (and how sexist it is) must be irksome.

In an ideal world (IMHO) it would be like men - so Mr just means adult male. All girls should be Miss and women - married or unmarried - Mrs.

What about boys then? why differentiate for females but not males?

HeCantBeSerious - I agree. In theory boys are 'Master' until adulthood, no?

Notdeadyet I think they're supposed to be but the only people who've ever written to my brothers using that title are my grandparents!

Master being shortened to............. Mr.

Miss and Mrs both shorten beautifully to Ms, so why not just get rid of Mrs and Miss?

I think someone hit the nail on the head earlier. This won't change because not enough women want it to.

Women still treat marriage as an achievement, a badge of honour. They wear their Mrs title with pride. They can't wait to change their name. It goes hand in hand with the whole thing about women dreaming of their wedding day since they were little girls.

Nothing necessarily wrong with all that of course, but I think it runs deeper than just a name.

I was quite happy to get married but chose to keep my name. No particular statement or point to prove, I just like my name, it didn't sit right with me to change it.

Since then I've had quite strong reactions to his, from people feigning confusion, to shock because I'm 'nobody important'. I'm not a high flyer under my name so what would be the point in keeping it, to patronising eye rolling.

It's damn right rude.

I've had stuff like that Zara! Someone even said that keeping my name showed a lack of commitment to my husband. I
mean, wtf?

I responded to that person "would you say that to him, after all he's keeping his own name too?" And they looked a bit abashed before saying "fair point!"