To ask if you mind being addressed by your husbands initial?

[Zaratall]

In the process of buying a house and have just received some documentation.

I kept my own name when I got married so my name is Ms Zara Tall.

I've found that this has caused much confusion when dealing with anything official. People can't grasp that I'm a married Ms. So this latter has been addressed to Mrs Zara Tall and Mr My Husband. No biggie.

However the vendors have been named as Mr and Mrs Mansname Vendors.

I can't believe in this day and age people are still leaving women's names off official documentation concerning them.

Do you mind this?

We are Dr His Name and Ms My Name or the other way round. Our son has his surname as it's bloody obvious he came out of me so having his Dad's name is a courtesy to him but he has my surname as a middle name (not double-barrelled as it would be too much of a mouthful)!

MsJudgemental it's astounding that even when a woman keeps her surname some refer to her as "Mrs Husband's-name". How demeaning. I'd probably send the cards back with "not known at this address" (though appreciate that's easy to say).

I think some people just use old fashioned methods and in essence it doesn't particularly bother me that a letter is addressed to Mr and Mrs (his initial) surname.

What I do find irritating is that our estate agent selling our house won't phone me. I am at home working, he is at work and can't talk openly. But no amount of saying - please call my wife changes their behaviour. That to me is sexist.

The child automatically being given the father's surname does get to me generally I have to say. If it's discussed and the couple decides for that to happen then that's fair, but if I go through giving birth and bring a child into the world they're absolutely having my surname.

Bertrand I couldn't agree more. It's everyday sexism which is insidious because lots of people don't even recognise it as sexism.

Iam

That wasn't sarcasm! That was a genuine thank you. I'm relieved that I'm allowed to think my own thoughts. According to some posters, if beinng addressed this way doesn't bother me, I am "happy to be treated like a non person", "completely insignificant without my husband" and also have no self respect - oh yes, I will claim I respect myself, but apparently posters on here know better.

Thank you genuinely those who said it's up to women if this bothers them.

Oh ffs. I needn't have bothered posting my thanks, you've already decided I'm a patriarchy supporting anti feminist by the looks of your more recent post.

Thanks for the mansplaining ladies. I'm off.

Klingy - how about gillybeanz' "I suppose if I was insecure, lacking confidence, or searching for an identity it might bother me."
And numerous very dismissive "haven't you got anything more important to worry about?" type remarks.

Could you attribute your quotation, please? I couldn't find it anywhere.

We have the same first initial so if it's happened I probably didn't notice. But yes I probably would mind as I'm careful to address my letters to both people in a couple fully and separately.

KlingybunFistelvase sorry for misunderstanding, it can be difficult to gauge intent in text. I haven't said anything of the sort in terms of you being a "patriarchy supporting anti feminist", just making the point that disagreeing over something being sexist (either way) isn't "shitting over the opinions of other women". I can't pretend I don't believe this to be sexist because some women don't. I mean my mum probably doesn't and changed her surname when she married my dad's, I still think that's a sexist tradition and have debated it with her, yet I know she's a strong feminist too.

When we first got married (26 years ago) it bothered me enough to ask mil to please not use dh's name/initial if the correspondence was intended for me. I explained that whilst I was happy to take dh's surname, the surname was as far as it went. Tbf she took it on board and it's not been an issue since. I'm surprised that this is still an issue all these years later tbf

women who campaigned for the right to vote were opposed by plenty of women, so you could say they were "shitting all over the opinions of other women"

Very good point.

Bert

We are all entitled to our opinion, and it doesn't bother me.
Nowhere did I insinuate that others shouldn't let it bother them.
For me, as I said it would bother me if I was insecure, lacked confidence, or struggled with identity issues.
I'm not suggesting that others do or should feel like this, just expressing my opinion.

"I'm not suggesting that others do or should feel like this, just expressing my opinion."

Course you weren't

Haven't read the full thread but to every twit on here who says it's "correct". It isn't correct. It's dated and it's presumptuous. That is not how I refer to myself in official documentation and it is incorrect for anyone else to therefore refer to me this way.

wolper our bank accounts are all Mr HisInitials & Mrs MyInitials HisSurname (well actually our surname really...) - is that unusual?

Gilly your intent was quite clear. Also patronising but don't let that worry you.

I have been known to tell people that my mil doesn't live here when asked 'is that Mrs dh'. Sadly lost on the caller. Tbo, dh occasionally gets called Mr Misson.

MsJudgemental it's astounding that even when a woman keeps her surname some refer to her as "Mrs Husband's-name". How demeaning. I'd probably send the cards back with "not known at this address" (though appreciate that's easy to say).

Took 8 years of sending cards etc back for some relatives to get the message in my case.

In fact, one relative sent a cheque in my name (ie Ms Myname) in a birthday card for our son last month. Hurrah, I thought, she's finally got it.

A week later my card arrives addressed to Mrs Hisname. WTAF?!

Yes it annoys me. We share a surname, not a first name. My mum did it a few times after I got married. She was a bit when I said I didn't like it.

HeCantBeSerious that must be so tiresome. Quite something how difficult it is for some people to grasp that many women keep their names or they do grasp it and are so disapproving that they do they insist on writing "Mrs Hisname". Happens with notable women in the media sometimes, I've seen some referred to as "Mrs X" when they're actually "Ms Y".

mission my dh sometimes gets referred to as mr gillybeanz, not literally though.
I have been pondering why some people don't mind and I don't know really,
I'm bothered by so many other issues of sexism though.
The ones I hear are usually comments about dd having much older brothers, and dh. They are so bloody annoying and predictable.
Sorry, if I came across badly, I do understand that most people don't like this and I'm trying to understand why, not suggest they are wrong or shouldn't feel like this because I don't.
We are all different I guess.

Also, Princess Michael is so called because she's not a princess in her own right. Strictly speaking, Kate Middleton is Princess William for the same reason. But they always use the Duchess title because after Diana (who was Princess of Wales in her own right), they're not going there again.

She was Diana, Princess of Wales. Kate can't be Catherine, Princess of Wales because her husband isn't Prince of Wales (yet).

And I don't take any notice of the (rare) times I am given my husband's initial. And I changed my surname on marriage because I loathed my own one and it was a better choice!

I don't like Mr and Mrs hisinitial oursurname (I would prefer Mr and Mrs hisinitial and myinitial oursurname).

I really really don't like (and will rant about) a letter to me addressed to Mrs hisname/initial oursurname. WTAF?! That's not my name!!!!

My Mil is the only person who does this luckily (eg on a birthday card to me).

Yes. It's a reminder of the patriarchal bullshit. I laugh at it,but I don't like it!