To ask if you mind being addressed by your husbands initial?

[Zaratall]

In the process of buying a house and have just received some documentation.

I kept my own name when I got married so my name is Ms Zara Tall.

I've found that this has caused much confusion when dealing with anything official. People can't grasp that I'm a married Ms. So this latter has been addressed to Mrs Zara Tall and Mr My Husband. No biggie.

However the vendors have been named as Mr and Mrs Mansname Vendors.

I can't believe in this day and age people are still leaving women's names off official documentation concerning them.

Do you mind this?

IAmAmy -

I think you can choose what you want right now - you don't have to wait. So you can be 'Miss' or 'Ms' - or even 'Mrs'. Personally I think you should be aiming for 'Professor Lady Amy' by the time you are 35 or so - get that seat in the Lords and start shaking the place up!

Indeed you can, there's no obligation to be married in order to call yourself Mrs. One of the reasons why the first in gilly's series of daft posts on this thread was, well, daft.

The titles are ridiculous nowadays. We should all just use Mx. Unless it's for a medical reason nobody should need to know what sex you are or your marital status (if female) unless you choose to give it.

shovetheholly thanks for letting me know! I think I'll start using "Ms" from now on. I didn't mind "Miss" for now but the idea of that title being used once I'm 18 irked me (really I don't think there's any reason to have "Miss" or "Mrs" as titles given men only have "Mr" as has been alluded to). I like your thinking on "Professor Lady Amy"! I could get used to that

Should just get rid of titles altogether HeCant they're not needed anyway. I am referred to by my name only where I live now and I love it.

OH has said he wouldn't mind changing to my surname if/when we get married but I don't think its wise for him to switch to a foreign surname as there's still some discrimination against 'foreign' names where I live. DD wants to change her name to my surname though (she has her dad's surname now but she wants mine), I'm considering it as hopefully by the time she grows up that discrimination won't be an issue any more.

If I get married I'd like my potential future husband to take my surname too, though wouldn't dictate it, of course

I guess it depends on the names. If I married someone called Pratt or Balls I would keep my name and suggest that they took mine. But if they had a nice surname I'd take theirs. I didn't like my maiden name so I happily took my husband's name.

And if I ever got divorced (not that I plan to!) I would not revert to my maiden name, I'd either stay as I am or take my mum's maiden name which I would have much preferred as mine.

When my oldest brother got married we begged and begged them to double-barrel their surnames as it would have been hilariously rude, but they refused :(

I love my surname so would never want to change it anyway, it always gets nice comments. At a push though, I'd maybe change to my mum's maiden name so I could have a non-foreign name but I can't pronounce it properly because I can't roll my Rs so would sound silly.

myfavouritecolourispurple I understand that reasoning. However I do think it's notable you rarely get men saying they want to change their surname when they marry because they don't like theirs (says a lot there's no male term for "maiden name" too). Odd that it's only ever women who seem not to like their surnames so change. Really as many men as women should be changing their surnames upon marriage for that and any other reason. My surname is reasonably nondescript but it's mine and I won't ever change it, least of all because I'm female.

Natsku it sounds as if there was the potential for a great surname there, opportunity missed

Hyacinth

I can't think why it's so daft to assume that somebody titled Mrs is married.
I don't know anyone who refers to themselves as Mrs if they are single.
My single friends may use Ms if they don't want people to know if they are married or not, but none title themselves Mrs, you learn something new everyday.

Assuming that a Mrs is married is not what you said in the post being commented on though gilly. You said being a Mrs was the reason, not a reason but the reason, to get married. Which was ridiculous for a number of reasons, the fact that you don't need to be married to call yourself Mrs being only one of them.

I know a few single women that use Mrs. Usually divorcees. However you can use what title you want.

I really don't think understand why we have marital status specific titles for women in this day and age.

Can anyone think of one single good reason why it's necessary? Surely a generic title like Ms would suffice?

Zara I agree. The only titles should be "Ms" and "Mr". "Miss" and "Mrs" are unnecessary and their existence is a sign of sexism in my opinion. It should also be just as common for a man to change his surname upon marriage as a woman changing hers, double barrelling or each keeping their own.

I got a birthday card from my husband's grandparents, Mrs His initial His surname, it made me feel quite cross! I was badgered into changing my surname anyway*, and no I couldn't have both. But I have a given name, thank you very much, it's on my birth certificate, passport, bank cards, National Insurance card, it's the name my mother gave me the day I was born, and I think it's really disrespectful to not use it. And no it's not about insecurity.

*I'm keeping my husband's surname when we get divorced, just to be contrary. You wanted me to have it, so now I'm keeping it. I may also change it back to my original surname if I ever get remarried, because by then it won't be such a pain to get a new passport, I only got mine which is my first ever a few months ago!

Sapphire I'm not surprised that made you cross. It's also frustrating to hear of women being pressured to change their surnames upon marriage, if it's so important to the husband to be to have the same surname why doesn't he change his to hers?

All the best for your divorce and I hope you're doing well.

Just wanted to point out (history geek here) that sometimes women who weren't married had the title of Mrs, because that was seen as a mark of respect. I suppose I could have been Mrs My name My surname, just to confuse people.

My mum changed her name on marriage, in the 1960s. Now she reckons that if it were today, she'd not change her name, but back then she knew no-one who had not changed their name, all women did it in my area.

I have never changed my name and never will.

For those who think if no bgi deal to be addressed as hisinitial hisname, would you really say the same if, say, your name happened to be Sophie, and everyone around you constantly addressed you as Jane? You correct it, wouldn't you? This is no different. I have a name, don't refer to me by someone else's name, even if he is connected to me.

Thank you Amy, nothing set in stone but our marriage is over and I'm trying to extricate myself from a shitty situation. sigh He still doesn't know, but there we go. Also, I like your idea about Mr and Ms being the only terms we use, that would be an improvement.

Oh, my old surname is 'common', (well yeah, think of a Welsh surname.) His is more unusual, so he wanted me to have it, and then if we had kids (not going to happen now) then they'd have the same name. I did suggest he change his surname and that wasn't going to happen.

And another thing, me and my MIL both have the same first initial, which makes things confusing. Especially as we live in the same house. Sometimes post had been accidentally opened by the wrong person. So keeping my old surname would have been better.

Zara I agree. The only titles should be "Ms" and "Mr".

Why have either? Why not Mx?

Sorry to hear about that Sapphire. I hope you're out of the situation soon and things get better and better once you are.

It would be far better, with the titles "Ms" and "Mr" either partner (or neither) could still change their surnames when marrying, but we wouldn't have sexist titles announcing the marital status of only women.

My surname isn't the most notable but it's mine and I certainly won't ever be changing it. I think what happened with you shows how sexist the beliefs around name changing are and that there isn't currently a totally free choice (if there was as many men would change their surnames). Seems many men still assume theirs is the default and expect a woman to change her surname whilst totally dismissing the idea of changing theirs, saying theirs takes precedence and is more important. If I ever have children they'll certainly be having my surname too!

HeCantBeSerious I haven't really thought about that. There may be no reason not to have a uniform title but maybe sometimes sex is relevant.

Apart from medical reasons, I can't think of one.

Mx - how is that pronounced. Mix? Mex? Never heard of it before.

Why titles in the first place, many countries manage perfectly well without.
Nowadays you can decide if you feel more like a man or a woman on any given day, so using a corresponding title does not give any medically relevant info.