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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To plan not to have a Christmas baby?

357 replies

XanaduBubbles · 23/11/2016 07:04

My partner and I are going to start trying for our second in the new year, however I think that if we don't get pregnant right away (before February) we should wait until May to avoid having a Christmas / New Year baby, basically because I've known friends with birthdays around then and they always resent it (fewer presents, people forget, nothing to look forward to the rest of the year, total first world problems I know).

Aibu thinking like this? Am I just over thinking?

OP posts:
TurquoiseDress · 24/11/2016 18:57

Personally, I was due a week or so before Christmas i.e. next month, with baby no.2 and we were ecstatic. It never crossed my mind that it was shit time of year to have a baby.

Sadly, it all ended with miscarriage in the 2nd trimester.

To be honest, I would be happy with another baby, born in any one of the 12 months- I truly wouldn't care either way.

It's a personal choice, but do not be too sure that you can control when you fall pregnant/assume that everything will go smoothly with the pregnancy and that you'll have a healthy baby/any baby at the end of it.

Does it really matter when their birthday is?

If that's something that is desperately important to you, crack on and put TTC on hold during times when it would result in an unwanted birth date.

To me, YABU, but each to their own.

rubia · 24/11/2016 18:57

Not unreasonable at all! But leave a big window- my late Nov baby was two weeks overdue...

rubia · 24/11/2016 18:59

It's good for school year though.... in hindsight would avoid having a summer baby... Doesn't leave many options!!

PersianCatLady · 24/11/2016 19:00

Why is it unreasonable to want September babies so they do better in school?
It wouldn't be unreasonable if being born in September meant that you were definitely going to do better in school, but it doesn't.

There are so many more factors apart from month of birth that matter to a child's education.

PersianCatLady · 24/11/2016 19:02

Does it really matter when their birthday is?
No it doesn't.

I can't believe that a child having to get joint birthday-Christmas presents instead of separate ones is really even a concern.

apringle · 24/11/2016 19:10

My daughters birthday is the week before Christmas and it's tough - expensive and just of gifts which st this young age she outgrows within 6 months. Nobody told me when you get pregnant you're due dates actually 2 weeks earlier! So I thought we were in the clear but alas...so YNBU.

Daisies123 · 24/11/2016 19:18

Just don't over plan it- you might conceive easily, you might not. I eventually conceived naturally after four years of trying, and ended up with a due date of 23 Dec, which moved to 18 Dec after the first scan. My only concern about a potential Christmas baby was getting to the hospital as OH doesn't drive and hard to get taxis at that time.

In the end I developed Gestational Diabetes so was induced at 38 weeks so her birthday is first week of December!

So, you can't plan these things too much! ;-) Good luck!

EveOnline2016 · 24/11/2016 19:28

I love my birthday mid December. Dh always takes me to the Christmas markets and it's magical with all the Christmas cheer and lights.

Helethan · 24/11/2016 19:30

I have two August babies. The first one, I didn't know about the August thing but tye second one, I was just so happy to have him as he took a while to conceive. It is very hard on them (and you) as they start school just after they turn 4. When we went up for 'meet the teacher' my eldest was still 3!
He struggles a bit as the youngest on the class but still loves school in year two so it's not all bad.
Aside from that, summer birthdays are brilliant and you never have to go to school on your birthday.
Now the law appears to be changing, I may defer my youngest so the August disadvantage won't be a problem.
Good luck x

Persephone76 · 24/11/2016 19:35

Boxing day birthday here - loved it as a child, Christmas x2! As an introverted adult, it means I'm never at work on my birthday and can avoid unwanted attention at work. Does suck that restaurants cost more on boxing day etc. But overall, particularly as kids, it's all they'll know. I think my parties were always in run up to Christmas or in Jan as a child. Was fine. Really.

spacer · 24/11/2016 19:38

My birthdays the 23rd December. I'm coming up to 53 and as long as I can remember I have resented my birthday. I avoided getting pregnant so my children wouldn't have the same fate!

Smeags · 24/11/2016 19:49

Thats not unreasonable. My partner and I wanted to start trying for a baby about a month ago. But if she'd gotten pregnant quickly, then our baby would be one of the youngest in the school year, which is supposedly a disadvantage in school.

So we are holding off until the new year, so that hes born in September at the earliest.

BikeRunSki · 24/11/2016 19:55

These types of threads are never started by people who have had fertility problems, miscarriages or premature babies. You're ovethinking OP.

I was due on Christmas Day. I came at the beginning of November.

AmberLav · 24/11/2016 19:59

I'm December 9th, which I have always loved, and my daughter will have her 1st birthday on Boxing Day. She was due on the 16th, my waters broke late on Christmas Day, and nothing happened till after lunch on Boxing Day. I'm happy about my Boxing Day baby, we'll never have to take time off to celebrate her birthday, it's just a case of making it special, which you kind of have to do with all birthdays...

Bodicea · 24/11/2016 20:05

We were planning to do what you suggested op when ttc our second but when it came to it we didn't want to stop trying. Getting your period every month when you are ttc is so soul destroying. (Especially I didn't have an easy ride conceiving the first). So we kept trying and ended up with a baby born on the 4th Jan. Would I change it? He'll know as she is perfect.

Bodicea · 24/11/2016 20:05

*hell

Poppyred85 · 24/11/2016 20:06

There's only so much planning you can do! DS was supposed to be mid March baby. He turned up 10 weeks early on 4th Jan, one week before my birthday! Came home from hospital without my bump, or my baby and my Christmas tree still up. Having 2 close to Christmas doesn't bother us but it does make starting New Years resolutions to be healthy much harder!

Maryann1975 · 24/11/2016 20:18

I got PG (not planned) for the second time with a baby whose due date would have been in February. I miscarried. By the time I got the go ahead to try again, it was this time of year (November). I figured we would never catch on the first cycle (took months with dd) so we started trying. Lucky us, first month, positive test. due date was beginning of September. I'd always thought I wouldn't want an August baby for the school thing. guess what. He was early. He is really bright and on the top table in year 4, so hasn't affected him at all.

I honestly wouldn't care when my dcs birthdays are. Yes, some months are easier (April birthday for dd is brill, normally Easter holidays, weather starting to improve) but it's still special for them when ever it is, even if it's over Christmas.

Bettyspants · 24/11/2016 20:36

No I don't think you're being unreasonable. I think there's always going to be those that will tell you you are lucky to conceive and planning is unreasonable. I do understand this thread may well be difficult to read for some desperate to conceive but I don't see anything wrong in thinking ahead if you are planning your child's future. If it works fabulous and if not it's still fabulous to have a child , at any time of the year. We did make an effort to avoid August born , dh is a teacher and has seen a large proportion of those children struggling to keep up at school even when above average for their age simply due to being up to a year younger than their peers

Whythenegativity · 24/11/2016 20:47

Talk about entitled! Get over yourself! Babies are a gift - from someone who took 12 years to have her only child who was due on Christmas Day and born in New Years Eve. I dont care about presents all being at the same time. We make it fun, turn the Christmas tree into a birthday tree overnight on 30th. All magical. Can't believe you think you can conception like it's a business - you are not deserving 😡

TheMockTurtle · 24/11/2016 20:47

I think anybody who can conceive and give birth on the month of their choice is incredibly lucky. It took us a year to conceive twice. I didn't care what month we had a baby, just that it happened.

Amber76 · 24/11/2016 20:47

My youngest was due Christmas Eve but arrived Dec 17th and so far we love it. We book a family outing for the day - this year will be seeing Santa at a pet farm. In years to come it might be trips to the Pantomime or a meal out. The day is ringfenced for him and us as a family and thats nice at such a busy time of the year.

When he's an adult I hope that we'll have a tradition of getting together on that day. What a first world problem it is to worry about getting joint presents or whatever...

waterlily200 · 24/11/2016 20:55

My DD was due 18th December but arrived 1st Jan.

We didn't really think too much about dates but even if we had there are a few times of the year I would have wanted to avoid however I wouldn't haven't have been able to stop trying just in case that was the month.

I agree with OP about the difficulties around a Christmas Birthday and I did worry about her being born Christmas Day/Eve but she was gonna come when she was ready or in my case when I was induced!

I don't think you are BU if that's your wish but as others of said it can be a sensitive topic so I would suggest keeping it to yourself.....and good luck conceiving

Cousinit · 24/11/2016 21:08

YANBU but life rarely goes to plan. DS was due in September - everyone said how that would benefit him when starting school etc although this had never occurred to us really. In the end, he arrived early and is one of those pesky August babies!

GoLightlyHollie · 24/11/2016 21:31

I don't think YABU at all but as posts from people like Whythenegativity prove, other posters' words of warning about keeping it between the two of you is probably wise counsel.
I had no idea about avoiding Xmas and August birthdays at the time; we were lucky in that we conceived first go much to my husbands dismay, he thought he'd get months of fun in March and DC was born in mid November. Which is actually a great birthday for being among the older ones in school, as well as for being entitled to the maximum of 5 free terms of nursery school.
But I can only imagine that anyone who has suffered with any fertility issues will tell you that ultimately, as long as you get a (healthy) baby in the end, it really doesn't matter when they are born.
But yes, if I were having a second, I'd probably be aiming to give birth in September-November or February-April.