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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To plan not to have a Christmas baby?

357 replies

XanaduBubbles · 23/11/2016 07:04

My partner and I are going to start trying for our second in the new year, however I think that if we don't get pregnant right away (before February) we should wait until May to avoid having a Christmas / New Year baby, basically because I've known friends with birthdays around then and they always resent it (fewer presents, people forget, nothing to look forward to the rest of the year, total first world problems I know).

Aibu thinking like this? Am I just over thinking?

OP posts:

SarahLou83 · 23/11/2016 21:01

I completely get where u r coming from. After falling pregnant very easily we had a September baby. We started trying for another when DS was 1, it took us another 18 months to fall again. I was a bit gutted to learn he was due 12th December. We have loads of family birthdays and obvs Christmas.

I was even more gutted when 12th December came and went. I was induced on 21st December and he arrived 22nd. Everyone seems so pre occupied with Christmas and plans etc, everyone seems to have forgotten his birthday (1 this year)
However, I am extremely happy that we finally got our healthy, happy DS2 and think myself very lucky that I can have children.

KenDoddsDadsDog · 23/11/2016 21:05

DD is a Christmas baby , I was just grateful to be pregnant and she hung on to be born on purpose from a mid Dec due date

fixyourgardengate · 23/11/2016 21:08

This was our plan. DS will be 5 on 23rd December so we did a really good job there!
X
then went on to have DD in Aug so she'll be a dreaded summer born at school

thesockgap · 23/11/2016 21:11

Not unreasonable at all... I had similar type of plan in mind when TTC baby number 3. Numbers 1 and 2 were both born in March and I was very keen not to have a 3rd March baby, so I planned that if I hadn't got pregnant by the May, then I would pause TTC during June and pick up again in July!
As it happened I conceived straight away and ended up with a due date of 28th December (although baby was actually born early January) so given the proximity to Christmas, I clearly didn't think that one through properly!

leddeeburdee · 23/11/2016 21:13

DD's birthday is on the 30th December. We always go to London on the day to have lunch and see a West End show and spend it celebrating as a family. She then gets another round of presents/celebrations when we see family on NYE. Then she has her party in mid January so has something to look forward to when the Christmas stuff has died down. She seems very happy with her birthday to be honest!

HateMrTumble · 23/11/2016 21:33

Avoid it! I had a xmas day baby emergency, begged them to let me go home but apparently it was serious... If I'm ever silly enough to have another I have another I'll aim for at least two months either side

Winemamma · 23/11/2016 21:33

Fair enough for having a preference but my advice is don't get stressy about it as ultimately it doesn't matter as long as you can get pregnant, the pregnancy goes well and the baby is ok.
My eldest is a July baby (now 7) and upon deciding to try for another I was determined I didn't want to have another summer baby, got pregnant and was due for the second time in October 2012, which I thought was perfect as I would have the gap I wanted between first and second and we don't have any family Birthdays in October. Unfortunately I miscarried but was lucky enough to get pregnant again a few months later and had my second DC the following June. 2 summer babies and 2 weeks between their Birthdays, but I realised that it really doesn't matter when your baby is born as long as they are ok.

ChickenVindaloo2 · 23/11/2016 21:36

My bday is in July. Which means it is as far away from Christmas as possible so that's good. But it's rubbish that when I was a kid all my friends were away when I wanted my birthday party! (Never had school on my birthday tho!)

iMogster · 23/11/2016 21:39

Yanbu. Me and my DH planned to not have a Christmas or January baby. It's something we have never discussed (until now!) and we were lucky to have our babies in March and August as we had no trouble TTC.

My brother's birthday is very early January and he HATES it. Every year he tries to arrange birthday get together and his friends are broke, detoxing, dieting or just depressed about going back to work after Christmas and dreading weeks of cold grey weather ahead.

pugsake · 23/11/2016 21:42

YANBU but it may backfire!

DD was due March 16th..

Her birthday is 30th December. Which means I rush out to the Boxing Day sales for her Birthday presents. My other daughter and both my nieces have late November birthdays it's an expensive couple of months.

iMogster · 23/11/2016 21:48

thesockgap If you have 2 already in March I can see why you would want to have your 3rd in a different month! One of my friends has 3 children 9,7,5 all with birthdays within a 3 week period. They have their parties one week after the other and by the end of it she's knackered!

I actually have a lot of my friends who have children born with almost the same birthday.

Catsarefluffy · 23/11/2016 22:12

My dd was born on the 27th and people often forget her birthday as it's to near Xmas tbh when we were ttc ds we made it so we didn't have a winder baby

sycamore54321 · 23/11/2016 22:24

There's no harm in a mild private preference, or even acting on it, but I do think your logic is flawed. Lots of people like or dislike their birthday for lots of reasons. You can't anticipate how your child will feel about his or hers. Maybe she'd hate being born on Valentine's Day, or, God forbid, the next 9/11 or whatever. And even assuming some control over TTC, which is not without its risks, you have zero control over possible premature arrival, so any pregnancy from about 24 weeks onwards could be a Christmas baby.

Even though you seem to be coming at it with the presumed best interest of your child at heart, you cannot know how he or she will feel. I honestly would hate to know that my parents 'planned' my birth date in any way at all, I'm not quite sure why but I would feel it verges a little on commodification of the baby in some way. So even if you do plan and it all works out, I would never ever tell your child you did so.

My current due date is Christmas Eve - my only hesitancy about this is the possibility of more junior levels of staffing at my hospital than would be the norm. Thankfully I now live somewhere Christmas isn't quite as all-consuming so it's not a huge concern.

blissfullyaware · 23/11/2016 22:31

Of course it's not unreasonable. Just be prepared that like any plan it may change. I did similar and then gave birth 2.5 months prematurely...

NeverNic · 23/11/2016 22:36

For all those who have summer babies concerned about them going to school I really wouldn't worry. My son is an early summer baby, so not quite 4.5 yet and he loves it. He has learnt so much all ready. Yes he is noticeably younger in lots of ways. Some of the children can write, started school being able to read etc. Their vocab might be more advanced then him, but he is never bored at school. He is constantly engaged. From what I can tell so far in his class, it's the eldest children that seem to act up. Some of the youngest ones do have problems with concentration for long periods, but the school is ready for that. Also the change in my son over the summer holidays was huge. He just was ready. It just seems so unlikely when they are barely 3 and you're putting your school application in.

For all your planning you can't always predict where they will be in birthday order. 4 in his class were 5 by the time school started and 3 have birthdays in the last week in August. Their births could easily have worked out differently, swapping them from the youngest to eldest in the school year and visa versa.

The way it works out my son is the 23rd birthday in his class, putting him much nearer to the youngest than I would have thought. My birthday is the month before his and there was a whole class full of children younger than me.

6o6o842 · 23/11/2016 22:45

I have December and January babies, it's no biggie and they don't care. I think you're overthinking it. If you have problems conceiving by this time next year you'll wish you didn't waste any time.

Madmama10 · 23/11/2016 23:03

I tried not to have a summer born or December baby. It sort out of worked but my first due date was 30th August and decided to come 2 weeks early. My second would have been February but was a miscarrage third I think would have been June but was also a miscarriage. My 4th pregnancy I got my September born baby girl who is my world but I would have been more than happy with the other birthdays if they had resulted in a healthy child.

yummumto3girls · 23/11/2016 23:07

My DD is an early December birthday, she loves it, loves having the Christmas tree up and all the festive celebrations. It's an expensive time of year though and makes present buying difficult. I have a January birthday, hate it! Nothing festive, dull everyone is broke and miserable after Christmas!

DaveGrohlsMrs · 24/11/2016 02:34

Nope, not unreasonable at all. When we started trying for number two my husband and I agreed we didn't want a December baby or another March baby so we planned to try accordingly. I don't see anything wrong with that at all. As it happens number two was born at the beginning of November. Do whatever works best for you.

NoahVale · 24/11/2016 06:42

I didnt want a september baby, oldest in the class and bored of nursery!

GreatFuckability · 24/11/2016 07:01

My ds was due mid-February, mother nature had other ideas however and he was born on Christmas Day, 7 weeks early. Best laid plans etc....

Bythebeach · 24/11/2016 07:09

I think it's fine- I aimed to have DC2 during a uni holiday to minimise disruption to my course and it worked out fine. Of course, I was aware it might take a long time to conceive or baby might be early etc but no harm in aiming for your ideal timings - mine worked out just as hoped which I was really grateful for.

mustbetimeforacreamtea · 24/11/2016 07:23

You've got to be organised with a December child as party venues get booked very quickly so you have to book early before you know when school/local community xmas events are going to be held and then hope that you don't clash with anything that the guests or their families want to attend.

An xp had a valentine's birthday and hated it because restaurants don't want big parties when they are catering for couples and of course friends in relationships always have other plans for that night.

There's pros and cons to most months. If you are able to have more than 1 child I'd try for your favoured month but don't get hung up on it.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 24/11/2016 07:31

You can't plan things this precisely when it comes to babies. My boy was premature

Feedingnewbaby · 24/11/2016 07:32

Could be a complete waste of time, DD1 was due July and born in April. If its around Christmas rather than on the actual day it could be extra special. They'd be off school, have family around, all the Xmas excitement and build up then a day focusing on DC in the middle of it

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